the girl that was always left out, like this one clearly was. Except that her brother, who was handsome and popular and loved by all, never left her behind. And her best friend, Merryn, the Queen of the May, made sure that Tamsyn was always part of everything. Besides, nobody knew how to half-inch four cans from the Spar like Tamsyn did.
The girls had already gone back to their chatter as Tamsyn strolled over to Kirsten.
‘
Anna Karenina
, tough book to read, even when it is the right way up,’ Tamsyn commented mildly, nodding at the thick novel. The girl looked at her and dropped it on the bed.
‘You OK?’ Tamsyn sat down. ‘You look pale. Maybe you’re coming down with this flu thing that’s going round.’
The girl looked at her, and then at Mo.
‘How is she?’ she asked.
‘I think she’s OK,’ Tamsyn said gently. Kirsten looked sad, tearful. ‘She’s probably missing her mum.’
‘I’m glad she’s safe,’ Kirsten said.
‘You’re not hanging out with the others?’ Tamsyn asked her.
‘We don’t have a lot in common,’ Kirsten said. ‘For starters, I like reading, they like being idiots.’
‘So are you here with your family, then?’
Kirsten looked at her sharply, and Tamsyn sensed she had asked a few too many questions already.
‘I live in the Swan Youth Project,’ the girl told her. ‘It used to be a pub? Then a few years back, the vicar and some others got it turned into a boarding house, for kids who were still in school but not living with their family.’
‘Oh right,’ Tamsyn nodded. ‘Must be tough?’
‘Not as tough as it was living at home,’ Kirsten shrugged. ‘Anyway, it’s fine. I’m fine, so …’
She waited for Tamsyn to leave, but instead Tamsyn found herself reaching out and pressing the back of her hand against Kirsten’s forehead. The girl flinched unthinkingly.
‘Well, you don’t feel hot,’ Tamsyn said. ‘But if you start to feel worse then let someone know, OK?’
‘Yep.’ Kirsten dropped her eyes.
‘Is there no one else here, from the hostel, who you can hang with?’
‘There’s only two of us living there at the moment.’ Kirsten’s eyes slid over the group of boys that Jed was talking to, landing briefly on a tall lad with long hair, wrists covered in rubber bands and leather straps. ‘And me and Chris aren’t exactly talking.’
‘I see,’ Tamsyn said.
‘You don’t see,’ Kirsten assured her, sharply. ‘No one sees. He makes sure of that. All the girls like him, you see. He’s cool. He doesn’t want to have a girlfriend, but he does want to have me. Or at least he did, but he said I was getting too emotional.’
‘Oh, Kirsten,’ Tamsyn didn’t know what else to say.
‘It’s fine.’ Kirsten pulled her blanket up under her chin. ‘I didn’t really like him anyway. I was just bored, so …’
‘Do you like babies?’ Tamsyn asked her. ‘You can hold her if you like.’
Kirsten slid down deeper into the bed.
‘I’ve got a baby brother,’ she said. ‘He got taken into care, and now I’ll probably never see him again.’
‘Right.’ Tamsyn sat there for a moment longer, listening as a chorus of something folksy struck up behind her. ‘I do get it, feeling like crap, aged seventeen. I know you won’t believe me, but I do. When I was seventeen I was a very angry person. My dad died, and I never felt like I fitted in much anywhere. I got drunk a lot, too much. I maybe hung around with a few more boys than I needed to, slept with them. If I could go back now, and talk to my seventeen-year-old self, I would say, you are so much more amazing than you know you are. You are so much more pretty and special than you think you are. And you are worth so much more than those thoughtless boys, who never think of how you feel, think you are.’
Kirsten screwed up her nose. ‘I know I’m worth a hundred times more than that lot,’ she said. ‘Look, I’m not being funny, but I don’t know who the fuck you are.
The girls had already gone back to their chatter as Tamsyn strolled over to Kirsten.
‘
Anna Karenina
, tough book to read, even when it is the right way up,’ Tamsyn commented mildly, nodding at the thick novel. The girl looked at her and dropped it on the bed.
‘You OK?’ Tamsyn sat down. ‘You look pale. Maybe you’re coming down with this flu thing that’s going round.’
The girl looked at her, and then at Mo.
‘How is she?’ she asked.
‘I think she’s OK,’ Tamsyn said gently. Kirsten looked sad, tearful. ‘She’s probably missing her mum.’
‘I’m glad she’s safe,’ Kirsten said.
‘You’re not hanging out with the others?’ Tamsyn asked her.
‘We don’t have a lot in common,’ Kirsten said. ‘For starters, I like reading, they like being idiots.’
‘So are you here with your family, then?’
Kirsten looked at her sharply, and Tamsyn sensed she had asked a few too many questions already.
‘I live in the Swan Youth Project,’ the girl told her. ‘It used to be a pub? Then a few years back, the vicar and some others got it turned into a boarding house, for kids who were still in school but not living with their family.’
‘Oh right,’ Tamsyn nodded. ‘Must be tough?’
‘Not as tough as it was living at home,’ Kirsten shrugged. ‘Anyway, it’s fine. I’m fine, so …’
She waited for Tamsyn to leave, but instead Tamsyn found herself reaching out and pressing the back of her hand against Kirsten’s forehead. The girl flinched unthinkingly.
‘Well, you don’t feel hot,’ Tamsyn said. ‘But if you start to feel worse then let someone know, OK?’
‘Yep.’ Kirsten dropped her eyes.
‘Is there no one else here, from the hostel, who you can hang with?’
‘There’s only two of us living there at the moment.’ Kirsten’s eyes slid over the group of boys that Jed was talking to, landing briefly on a tall lad with long hair, wrists covered in rubber bands and leather straps. ‘And me and Chris aren’t exactly talking.’
‘I see,’ Tamsyn said.
‘You don’t see,’ Kirsten assured her, sharply. ‘No one sees. He makes sure of that. All the girls like him, you see. He’s cool. He doesn’t want to have a girlfriend, but he does want to have me. Or at least he did, but he said I was getting too emotional.’
‘Oh, Kirsten,’ Tamsyn didn’t know what else to say.
‘It’s fine.’ Kirsten pulled her blanket up under her chin. ‘I didn’t really like him anyway. I was just bored, so …’
‘Do you like babies?’ Tamsyn asked her. ‘You can hold her if you like.’
Kirsten slid down deeper into the bed.
‘I’ve got a baby brother,’ she said. ‘He got taken into care, and now I’ll probably never see him again.’
‘Right.’ Tamsyn sat there for a moment longer, listening as a chorus of something folksy struck up behind her. ‘I do get it, feeling like crap, aged seventeen. I know you won’t believe me, but I do. When I was seventeen I was a very angry person. My dad died, and I never felt like I fitted in much anywhere. I got drunk a lot, too much. I maybe hung around with a few more boys than I needed to, slept with them. If I could go back now, and talk to my seventeen-year-old self, I would say, you are so much more amazing than you know you are. You are so much more pretty and special than you think you are. And you are worth so much more than those thoughtless boys, who never think of how you feel, think you are.’
Kirsten screwed up her nose. ‘I know I’m worth a hundred times more than that lot,’ she said. ‘Look, I’m not being funny, but I don’t know who the fuck you are.
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