I know about living?
“Robert, here. Drink this,” she handed him another whisky, this time from a glass. He took it, tipping his head back to swallow it all at once. His brain burned, but so did his body, a body that had gone too long without a woman for fear of what he might do.
Hell, I’m a coward. I’ve lived in fear of damn near everything, haven’t I? Making love to a woman, starting a life, ending the old one… While this woman lived through hell with a man, kicked him to the kerb then survived losing something I can’t imagine.
Kristen shifted on the bed next to him and he focused on her. Had he ever made love to a woman before? When he’d asked his buddy Dare the same question just a few short days ago, he’d been thinking of Kristen and how he ached at times to hold her while she slept, just to feel her warm and safe up against him while he tried his best to soothe her loss. Now she was here and he was too cowardly to reach out and pull her into his arms and finally sample her sweet lips.
He laughed at the idea, but damn it was true. Him, a former Navy SEAL, now a top agent in an agency so secret he’d signed his life away when he’d joined, and he was a coward.
“What’s true?” Kristen asked coming back into focus.
Had he said that aloud? “I’m a damn coward, that’s what’s true.”
Was that his voice slurring out words he’d never said aloud to anyone before?
She frowned and came back into his space, her sweater doing that dip and reveal again for him. “You’re not a coward, Robert McNeil, don’t say such things. You might be crazy.”
For you , he wanted to say, but what came out didn’t even pause for him to review it first. “I’m sorry.”
He swallowed, finding himself suddenly scared to continue with what he’d been about to say. He was sorry. Sorry for so damn much. “I should—”
She stopped him with a shake of her head. “Not now, not when you’re half soused. Let me get these out, then I guess we can talk for as long as you’d like since it looks like, whether you like it or not, we’re snowed in together,” she said.
Like it or not? Hell, the idea had his body relaxing back into the bed, feeling like she’d just told him she was going down and not coming up until he’d come a dozen times from her lips alone.
She reached out and brushed her hand along his jaw, tilting her head when she did with a serious expression like she could see beyond his face to his soul but he hoped not his thoughts.
Did she see how much he’d wanted her? Not just for the relief of finally feeling something other than his own hand rubbing his erection raw when the drugs made him too horny not to jack off, but how much he wanted her, her attention, that love and thoughtfulness he’d seen her give another? Did she know how he’d watched her, hoping for a chance with her when she finally left her husband?
“Here, one more and I think I can bear it,” she whispered, leaning closer to him. He obediently downed the new glass she pressed to his lips. The liquor rushed down his throat, making the room spin a little before it straightened out.
“It is better this way,” he told her.
“What is?” she asked, frowning at him so adorably his heart stuttered in his chest. She was beautiful, so damn delicate and pretty.
“Robert, what is better this way?” she asked again.
It . It was better this way, he wanted to tell her but his mouth wasn’t working. If she thought Daniel was bad, she’d never be happy with him. And he’d not chance finding out if his temper matched Sarge when it came to women. At least with Daniel, she’d never been harmed physically. Now that he had the time to reflect back on the mistakes of his past, he recognised his biggest fear, and the real reason he’d run from her, was that he feared he’d be worse than Sarge ever dreamed of being. Especially now, with the drug amplifying his temper to a degree that frightened even him.
Kristen was better
“Robert, here. Drink this,” she handed him another whisky, this time from a glass. He took it, tipping his head back to swallow it all at once. His brain burned, but so did his body, a body that had gone too long without a woman for fear of what he might do.
Hell, I’m a coward. I’ve lived in fear of damn near everything, haven’t I? Making love to a woman, starting a life, ending the old one… While this woman lived through hell with a man, kicked him to the kerb then survived losing something I can’t imagine.
Kristen shifted on the bed next to him and he focused on her. Had he ever made love to a woman before? When he’d asked his buddy Dare the same question just a few short days ago, he’d been thinking of Kristen and how he ached at times to hold her while she slept, just to feel her warm and safe up against him while he tried his best to soothe her loss. Now she was here and he was too cowardly to reach out and pull her into his arms and finally sample her sweet lips.
He laughed at the idea, but damn it was true. Him, a former Navy SEAL, now a top agent in an agency so secret he’d signed his life away when he’d joined, and he was a coward.
“What’s true?” Kristen asked coming back into focus.
Had he said that aloud? “I’m a damn coward, that’s what’s true.”
Was that his voice slurring out words he’d never said aloud to anyone before?
She frowned and came back into his space, her sweater doing that dip and reveal again for him. “You’re not a coward, Robert McNeil, don’t say such things. You might be crazy.”
For you , he wanted to say, but what came out didn’t even pause for him to review it first. “I’m sorry.”
He swallowed, finding himself suddenly scared to continue with what he’d been about to say. He was sorry. Sorry for so damn much. “I should—”
She stopped him with a shake of her head. “Not now, not when you’re half soused. Let me get these out, then I guess we can talk for as long as you’d like since it looks like, whether you like it or not, we’re snowed in together,” she said.
Like it or not? Hell, the idea had his body relaxing back into the bed, feeling like she’d just told him she was going down and not coming up until he’d come a dozen times from her lips alone.
She reached out and brushed her hand along his jaw, tilting her head when she did with a serious expression like she could see beyond his face to his soul but he hoped not his thoughts.
Did she see how much he’d wanted her? Not just for the relief of finally feeling something other than his own hand rubbing his erection raw when the drugs made him too horny not to jack off, but how much he wanted her, her attention, that love and thoughtfulness he’d seen her give another? Did she know how he’d watched her, hoping for a chance with her when she finally left her husband?
“Here, one more and I think I can bear it,” she whispered, leaning closer to him. He obediently downed the new glass she pressed to his lips. The liquor rushed down his throat, making the room spin a little before it straightened out.
“It is better this way,” he told her.
“What is?” she asked, frowning at him so adorably his heart stuttered in his chest. She was beautiful, so damn delicate and pretty.
“Robert, what is better this way?” she asked again.
It . It was better this way, he wanted to tell her but his mouth wasn’t working. If she thought Daniel was bad, she’d never be happy with him. And he’d not chance finding out if his temper matched Sarge when it came to women. At least with Daniel, she’d never been harmed physically. Now that he had the time to reflect back on the mistakes of his past, he recognised his biggest fear, and the real reason he’d run from her, was that he feared he’d be worse than Sarge ever dreamed of being. Especially now, with the drug amplifying his temper to a degree that frightened even him.
Kristen was better
Similar Books
