swinging the lamp. I’m vaguely aware of the bulb smashing and the lampshade crushing; I’m also aware that my mom is no longer on the floor next to him, but cowering by the sofa.
“ Brooke?” Phin’s worried voice breaks me out of my spell and I drop the lamp. Looking down at Sam who’s led on the floor in the fetal position; covered in glass and speckles of blood on his t-shirt from where I smashed the glass into his side. I shudder as a wave of sickness comes over me, and run back out to my car.
Not realising where I’m headed, just trying to concentrate on the road through my tears, I pull up at the graveyard gate. I crawl out of the car and stumble over to my dad’s grave.
As soon as I ’m in front of it, I collapse and years of abuse, neglect, and bullying overtake me.
Memories flash through my mind in a sort of twisted slide show; every slap, every kick, every punch, and every smile Sam ever sent my way.
It switches to Sophie and Matt, but I’m not in this one. I watch amazed as all their moments of affection flash before my eyes, every hug, touch, and kiss.
I curl over and watch as it switches again to me and Tucker; all the laughs, all the smiles, every joke, the nights on the sofa, the classes with the notes we send back and forth, the weekend away, him holding my hand in the car, him throwing me on his shoulders at the concert, then finally, him and Beth together; it ends with her slapping me at the bar and whispering my own secret nightmare back to me. I cry out a strangled scream and let the tears, pain and heartache overtake me.
I ’m woken by droplets hitting my face; I slowly pull my eyes open to see the sun is coming up. I’ve slept in a graveyard all night. I feel completely empty and drained both physically and emotionally.
Warily, not sure I have the strength, I struggle to my legs, actually surprised that they work; apart from being a little stiff, I seem to be fine.
Numbly, I drive back to the university and head to my room, ignoring the blatant stares I’m getting from the early risers around the car park and inside the building. As I walk past a window, I catch sight of my reflection and feel nothing. My hair has grass in it, I’m soaked through; my eyes are red and puffy from all the crying, my lip is swollen and there’s dried blood around it from where the cut must have started bleeding again at some point in the night, and I have dirt streaked across my face. My eyes look as empty as I feel. I lean towards the window to get a closer look; they no longer hold the shadows of my past, there isn’t an ounce of fear in them, no happiness and no determination or strength. If anything the only thing they hold is defeat.
Looking down, I notice my hands are covered in scrapes and cuts; there ’s dried blood on them as well.
As I make my way to my room, a few people greet me, a few others ask a question or two, and the ones who are bold enough, make a comment about how I must be just getting back from being with Todd. I ignore them all and as soon as I ’m in my empty room, I give up and crawl into bed.
The nightmares don ’t stop; I no longer fear them though, even in my sleep I seem to just go through them showing no emotion. They still have the power to wake me though. Looking around the room I notice it’s only a half hour until lunch. Standing up and stretching I make the decision to finish the rest of my classes for the day. Once I’m showered and dressed, I head out of the room and make a mental note to buy a new phone later.
Eight
As I walk into the café that I’ve already decided I’m not going to sit and eat in, a silence falls over the whole room. I look up and around to see almost everyone staring at me; Sophie turns and as soon as she catches my eye, she starts to stand up. I shake my head at her and make my way to the food line.
I hear my name being whispered a few times, but ignore it as I look over the food and pick out a sandwich. When I
“ Brooke?” Phin’s worried voice breaks me out of my spell and I drop the lamp. Looking down at Sam who’s led on the floor in the fetal position; covered in glass and speckles of blood on his t-shirt from where I smashed the glass into his side. I shudder as a wave of sickness comes over me, and run back out to my car.
Not realising where I’m headed, just trying to concentrate on the road through my tears, I pull up at the graveyard gate. I crawl out of the car and stumble over to my dad’s grave.
As soon as I ’m in front of it, I collapse and years of abuse, neglect, and bullying overtake me.
Memories flash through my mind in a sort of twisted slide show; every slap, every kick, every punch, and every smile Sam ever sent my way.
It switches to Sophie and Matt, but I’m not in this one. I watch amazed as all their moments of affection flash before my eyes, every hug, touch, and kiss.
I curl over and watch as it switches again to me and Tucker; all the laughs, all the smiles, every joke, the nights on the sofa, the classes with the notes we send back and forth, the weekend away, him holding my hand in the car, him throwing me on his shoulders at the concert, then finally, him and Beth together; it ends with her slapping me at the bar and whispering my own secret nightmare back to me. I cry out a strangled scream and let the tears, pain and heartache overtake me.
I ’m woken by droplets hitting my face; I slowly pull my eyes open to see the sun is coming up. I’ve slept in a graveyard all night. I feel completely empty and drained both physically and emotionally.
Warily, not sure I have the strength, I struggle to my legs, actually surprised that they work; apart from being a little stiff, I seem to be fine.
Numbly, I drive back to the university and head to my room, ignoring the blatant stares I’m getting from the early risers around the car park and inside the building. As I walk past a window, I catch sight of my reflection and feel nothing. My hair has grass in it, I’m soaked through; my eyes are red and puffy from all the crying, my lip is swollen and there’s dried blood around it from where the cut must have started bleeding again at some point in the night, and I have dirt streaked across my face. My eyes look as empty as I feel. I lean towards the window to get a closer look; they no longer hold the shadows of my past, there isn’t an ounce of fear in them, no happiness and no determination or strength. If anything the only thing they hold is defeat.
Looking down, I notice my hands are covered in scrapes and cuts; there ’s dried blood on them as well.
As I make my way to my room, a few people greet me, a few others ask a question or two, and the ones who are bold enough, make a comment about how I must be just getting back from being with Todd. I ignore them all and as soon as I ’m in my empty room, I give up and crawl into bed.
The nightmares don ’t stop; I no longer fear them though, even in my sleep I seem to just go through them showing no emotion. They still have the power to wake me though. Looking around the room I notice it’s only a half hour until lunch. Standing up and stretching I make the decision to finish the rest of my classes for the day. Once I’m showered and dressed, I head out of the room and make a mental note to buy a new phone later.
Eight
As I walk into the café that I’ve already decided I’m not going to sit and eat in, a silence falls over the whole room. I look up and around to see almost everyone staring at me; Sophie turns and as soon as she catches my eye, she starts to stand up. I shake my head at her and make my way to the food line.
I hear my name being whispered a few times, but ignore it as I look over the food and pick out a sandwich. When I
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