how to solve everybody’s problems, well, except her own. It had been so egotistical to just think she could go poof!-and give Anthony the thing he’d wanted all his life.
Thought he’d wanted.
You weren’t going to tell him, a snively little voice in Rae’s head reminded her. You were never going to tell him.
“But he found out. Because of me,” Rae muttered. Tears started to sting her eyes again, and she furiously blinked them away. They weren’t for Anthony. They were just tears of self-pity, and that disgusted her.
Rae sighed, dropped her hand into her purse, extracted her cell phone with two fingers, then used her shirt to polish it off. The last thing she wanted to hear right now was more of her own thoughts. Once the phone was clean, she held it up in front of her face and stared at it. She really needed to hear a human voice, preferably the voice of someone who didn’t think she was scum.
“Oh, stop it. Just stop it,” she said out loud. The main reason she wanted to talk to someone was that she couldn’t stand herself. If she had to spend one more second alone with herself, she’d start screaming until she got put in a padded cell somewhere.
I could call Dad, she thought. But she never called him for no reason, and she couldn’t think of a passable reason right now.
Marcus. The name popped into her head from nowhere. I could call him. Just the thought of talking to Marcus made her feel less cold and hard inside. She dialed his number before she had a chance to talk herself out of it.
He answered on the second ring. “Hello.”
Rae’s tongue tied itself into a knot. This was the first time she’d called Marcus since before The Incident, since before the hospital, before their non-breakup breakup, before Dori. “It’s Rae,” she managed to get out.
“Rae, hi,” Marcus said, sounding one hundred percent happy to hear from her.
“Hi,” Rae repeated.
Marcus laughed. “Hiiiii,” he groaned in his Frankenstein voice.
Rae smiled, her lips trembling. She promised herself she wasn’t going to lose it on the phone with Marcus. “So, what’s up?”
“Well, I’m sorta trying to get back with my old girlfriend, but I did a lot of stupid stuff, and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to get her to forgive me,” Marcus answered.
Oh God. She wasn’t expecting him to go there. She’d thought he’d keep it totally light, the way he had at Sliders.
“Um, hmmm, tough one,” Rae said. “Maybe you need to just give her some time.”
“I know. I know. But it’s making me crazy.” Rae could almost see the long dimples appearing in his cheeks.
“Well, suck it up. You said you did a lot of stupid stuff,” Rae answered, surprising herself.
When she was with Marcus, she would never have said something like that. “So, you still been watching General
Hospital?”
“Who wants to know?” Marcus asked.
Rae almost laughed. “Just tell me what’s been going on,” she said. “Do a good deed for a poor girl whose father thinks television rots the brain. Start with Lucky,” she urged.
“How far back?” he asked.
“Since the last time you told me, if you can remember,” Rae answered. She rolled onto her side and cradled the phone closer to her ear. This was so perfect. She didn’t have to say anything. She could just let his words wash through her, turning her from stone back to flesh.
Marcus talked on and on, and Rae’s breathing grew deeper. “Hey, I need a massive Dr Pepper if I’m going to keep talking,” he finally said. “How about if I pick you up and we hit the food court?”
Rae knew if she stood up from this couch, it was all going to hit her again, all the guilt over what she’d done to Anthony. Just the thought brought up the image of his face. The pain, the anger. He was never going to trust her again, and he’d been there for her so-
“Rae? Did you fall asleep on me?” Marcus asked.
“No. No, it was great. Thanks. But I need to go,” Rae said in a
Thought he’d wanted.
You weren’t going to tell him, a snively little voice in Rae’s head reminded her. You were never going to tell him.
“But he found out. Because of me,” Rae muttered. Tears started to sting her eyes again, and she furiously blinked them away. They weren’t for Anthony. They were just tears of self-pity, and that disgusted her.
Rae sighed, dropped her hand into her purse, extracted her cell phone with two fingers, then used her shirt to polish it off. The last thing she wanted to hear right now was more of her own thoughts. Once the phone was clean, she held it up in front of her face and stared at it. She really needed to hear a human voice, preferably the voice of someone who didn’t think she was scum.
“Oh, stop it. Just stop it,” she said out loud. The main reason she wanted to talk to someone was that she couldn’t stand herself. If she had to spend one more second alone with herself, she’d start screaming until she got put in a padded cell somewhere.
I could call Dad, she thought. But she never called him for no reason, and she couldn’t think of a passable reason right now.
Marcus. The name popped into her head from nowhere. I could call him. Just the thought of talking to Marcus made her feel less cold and hard inside. She dialed his number before she had a chance to talk herself out of it.
He answered on the second ring. “Hello.”
Rae’s tongue tied itself into a knot. This was the first time she’d called Marcus since before The Incident, since before the hospital, before their non-breakup breakup, before Dori. “It’s Rae,” she managed to get out.
“Rae, hi,” Marcus said, sounding one hundred percent happy to hear from her.
“Hi,” Rae repeated.
Marcus laughed. “Hiiiii,” he groaned in his Frankenstein voice.
Rae smiled, her lips trembling. She promised herself she wasn’t going to lose it on the phone with Marcus. “So, what’s up?”
“Well, I’m sorta trying to get back with my old girlfriend, but I did a lot of stupid stuff, and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to get her to forgive me,” Marcus answered.
Oh God. She wasn’t expecting him to go there. She’d thought he’d keep it totally light, the way he had at Sliders.
“Um, hmmm, tough one,” Rae said. “Maybe you need to just give her some time.”
“I know. I know. But it’s making me crazy.” Rae could almost see the long dimples appearing in his cheeks.
“Well, suck it up. You said you did a lot of stupid stuff,” Rae answered, surprising herself.
When she was with Marcus, she would never have said something like that. “So, you still been watching General
Hospital?”
“Who wants to know?” Marcus asked.
Rae almost laughed. “Just tell me what’s been going on,” she said. “Do a good deed for a poor girl whose father thinks television rots the brain. Start with Lucky,” she urged.
“How far back?” he asked.
“Since the last time you told me, if you can remember,” Rae answered. She rolled onto her side and cradled the phone closer to her ear. This was so perfect. She didn’t have to say anything. She could just let his words wash through her, turning her from stone back to flesh.
Marcus talked on and on, and Rae’s breathing grew deeper. “Hey, I need a massive Dr Pepper if I’m going to keep talking,” he finally said. “How about if I pick you up and we hit the food court?”
Rae knew if she stood up from this couch, it was all going to hit her again, all the guilt over what she’d done to Anthony. Just the thought brought up the image of his face. The pain, the anger. He was never going to trust her again, and he’d been there for her so-
“Rae? Did you fall asleep on me?” Marcus asked.
“No. No, it was great. Thanks. But I need to go,” Rae said in a
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