“Yes!”
He moves his hands away, “Good girl. Hurry up.”
And he leaves the room.
Chapter 28 HER
And I do hurry. I don’t stop to think, I just get ready quickly. I don’t even look at myself in the mirror. I don’t look at my butt. I just run around and fly out the door down the hall.
I don’t look at Jake as he opens the door for me. I don’t look at him on the elevator ride down. I don’t look at him as he opens his car door for me. Or even when he gets in and drives away.
I look at my hands instead. I look at my rings.
Max would be very disappointed in me. That I missed the appointment. I meant to get up. I was even excited for today’s visit. First ultrasound. But facing this alone was too much. I laid down and tried to calm myself, rubbing my belly and telling baby that we’d be okay. I don’t believe this, but I hope the little bugger does. I must’ve fallen asleep.
Mom went with me to the first prenatal visit. Dr. Patel was very kind, all of her staff were, offering condolences. I didn’t have to go through that alone at least. Kindness is the worst. I have to smile and act sweet, when I really just want to cry and rage against the unfairness of life.
But today, I was going to be alone. I should’ve called Alex or Cathy or Laura, but I felt pathetic. My house was a mess. I haven’t had the energy to do anything. I’ve hardly left the apartment since Mom and Dad left.
I blink in the sunlight, staring out the window at the streets passing quickly. “I don’t think I can just walk in for an appointment that I’m two hours late for…” I say in a small voice.
Jake’s voice is still gruff, but a little nicer, “I made a new one for you this afternoon.”
I swallow, “So…how did you know I missed it?”
He grins at me, a rather wicked version of his usual boyishness, “I’m keeping tabs on you. I got a call saying you needed to reschedule.”
“Oh.” I feel only a small twinge of anger at the invasion of privacy. “I didn’t think doctors were allowed to give out patient information.”
He only grins again. I know that Dr. Patel is somehow a family friend. She never even blinked an eye when I’d show up with belt marks on my butt for appointments. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that she’d share information with Jake.
I turn my head again and stare out the window. I’m not angry; somehow, I feel a little better. I shift in my seat. My butt doesn’t. But I’ve had worse.
Chapter 29 HER
The goo is cold no matter what they said about warming it up. I strain to see the wand move across my little bump. I’m ashamed of the bones sticking out at my hips. Dr. Patel already lectured me on eating more.
Waiting for her to come back into the room for the ultrasound, I stared at the ceiling. My butt still tingled a little against the paper. I was shocked. Jake spanking me…never would’ve seen that in my future. But then…I can’t see my future anymore. I knew that Jake only did what he thought Max would’ve done. He’s tried to be supportive and protective. For Max.
Staring at the ceiling, I made a promise to myself, to Max, to our baby. That I was through with wallowing in self-pity. That I would take better care of myself for the sake our baby. That even though I only want to crawl in a dark hole and forget about life, I know that’s not an option.
I have to keep our baby safe and healthy. I’ve done a bad job so far, but I promised to do better. For Max.
“Here we go…Lucy, meet your baby.” Dr. Patel turns the screen more towards me, pressing down more with the wand. It takes me a minute, and her pointing, to make out the little bugger’s shape. So tiny, so innocent. I cry and shake. But for the first in time in weeks, with only a small amount of pain.
“Can you…can you get Jake for me…to see?” Her assistant nods and leaves the room quickly.
When the door opens, Jake comes in quietly, looking a little awkwardly towards me on the bed. I’m
He moves his hands away, “Good girl. Hurry up.”
And he leaves the room.
Chapter 28 HER
And I do hurry. I don’t stop to think, I just get ready quickly. I don’t even look at myself in the mirror. I don’t look at my butt. I just run around and fly out the door down the hall.
I don’t look at Jake as he opens the door for me. I don’t look at him on the elevator ride down. I don’t look at him as he opens his car door for me. Or even when he gets in and drives away.
I look at my hands instead. I look at my rings.
Max would be very disappointed in me. That I missed the appointment. I meant to get up. I was even excited for today’s visit. First ultrasound. But facing this alone was too much. I laid down and tried to calm myself, rubbing my belly and telling baby that we’d be okay. I don’t believe this, but I hope the little bugger does. I must’ve fallen asleep.
Mom went with me to the first prenatal visit. Dr. Patel was very kind, all of her staff were, offering condolences. I didn’t have to go through that alone at least. Kindness is the worst. I have to smile and act sweet, when I really just want to cry and rage against the unfairness of life.
But today, I was going to be alone. I should’ve called Alex or Cathy or Laura, but I felt pathetic. My house was a mess. I haven’t had the energy to do anything. I’ve hardly left the apartment since Mom and Dad left.
I blink in the sunlight, staring out the window at the streets passing quickly. “I don’t think I can just walk in for an appointment that I’m two hours late for…” I say in a small voice.
Jake’s voice is still gruff, but a little nicer, “I made a new one for you this afternoon.”
I swallow, “So…how did you know I missed it?”
He grins at me, a rather wicked version of his usual boyishness, “I’m keeping tabs on you. I got a call saying you needed to reschedule.”
“Oh.” I feel only a small twinge of anger at the invasion of privacy. “I didn’t think doctors were allowed to give out patient information.”
He only grins again. I know that Dr. Patel is somehow a family friend. She never even blinked an eye when I’d show up with belt marks on my butt for appointments. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that she’d share information with Jake.
I turn my head again and stare out the window. I’m not angry; somehow, I feel a little better. I shift in my seat. My butt doesn’t. But I’ve had worse.
Chapter 29 HER
The goo is cold no matter what they said about warming it up. I strain to see the wand move across my little bump. I’m ashamed of the bones sticking out at my hips. Dr. Patel already lectured me on eating more.
Waiting for her to come back into the room for the ultrasound, I stared at the ceiling. My butt still tingled a little against the paper. I was shocked. Jake spanking me…never would’ve seen that in my future. But then…I can’t see my future anymore. I knew that Jake only did what he thought Max would’ve done. He’s tried to be supportive and protective. For Max.
Staring at the ceiling, I made a promise to myself, to Max, to our baby. That I was through with wallowing in self-pity. That I would take better care of myself for the sake our baby. That even though I only want to crawl in a dark hole and forget about life, I know that’s not an option.
I have to keep our baby safe and healthy. I’ve done a bad job so far, but I promised to do better. For Max.
“Here we go…Lucy, meet your baby.” Dr. Patel turns the screen more towards me, pressing down more with the wand. It takes me a minute, and her pointing, to make out the little bugger’s shape. So tiny, so innocent. I cry and shake. But for the first in time in weeks, with only a small amount of pain.
“Can you…can you get Jake for me…to see?” Her assistant nods and leaves the room quickly.
When the door opens, Jake comes in quietly, looking a little awkwardly towards me on the bed. I’m
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