Tracing Hearts by Kate Squires Page A

to me, and I’m sure it has affected our relationship in a lot of ways.” He sighs and hesitates as if trying to find the right words. “I have the opportunity to be transferred to another location for my job. It’ll mean a promotion and more money for me…er…us.” He pauses. “I’ll only take it, if you’ll come with me.”
    My jaw drops open. Move with him? Again? Is he crazy? The smile on my face is one of amazement. I’m amazed he has the audacity to ask me to do this…again.
    “You’re insane,” I say as I stand. He stands too and follows me to the door.
    “Wait. Hear me out—”
    “Cameron. I don’t have to hear you out. I’d rather see you out. Good bye.” I open the door to my apartment, holding it open for him to exit through.
    “Julia, babe, wait. I know this would be another huge sacrifice for you, but, it’s in a really nice city, in a very sunny place. You’d love it there. I know you would.” I roll my eyes, more at myself for allowing him to keep talking. “I’d make enough money to support both of us. You wouldn’t have to work at all. We could live together, get married, have some kids—”
    “Get married? Have kids? What are you smoking ? You’re crazy if you think I’m falling for that shit ever again. That’s what you promised me the first time I agreed to move with you. ‘ Come with me. Get away from the snow. Leave your bad memories behind you . I’ll commit, I promise.’ ”I mimic his voice. “Well, how’d that work out for me?”
    He places his hands on my shoulders.
    “Babe, I know, and I’m sorry. I meant every word I said. It’s just that things happen sometimes and—”
    “Things happen?” My voice is getting louder by the second. I shove his hands away from me and step back. “ Things don't just happen. Clothes don’t just spontaneously fall off. Penises don’t accidentally fall into random vaginas… three separate times! ” I’m fuming. I point at the door opening, silently demanding he leave. He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it. My pointed arm remains extended.
    “Just think about it, okay?”
    I point harder, feeling as if my arm might just become detached from my shoulder from the strain. He nods, then exits. I close the door behind him and lean against it. I exhale loudly as my fingernails dig angrily in to my palms. The nerve of that man. I need to calm down, so I head for the kitchen and make a cup of tea. Taking in a deep, cleansing breath and blowing it out slowly, I push all thoughts of Cameron out of my head.
    When I feel my rage has dissipated, I get back to the task at hand, and sift through the letters from Sebastian. I’m almost sure he gave me his home telephone number at some point. I recall asking my mom if I could call him and her reaction to the potential, international calling charges. After what seems like an eternity, I find it. I wonder if it would still work. I copy it down, knowing I couldn’t call tonight anyway, as it’s the middle of the night in Germany. I’ll call tomorrow afternoon. I place the number in my wallet, next to his picture, and go to bed. My active mind wrestles with my weary body in a tug of war over the battle of sleep. My body eventually wins out, and I fall into a very troubled sleep.
     
    ***
     
    Work is difficult today as I anticipate the phone call I’ll soon make. What am I going to say? What if they have no idea who I am? What if they know exactly who I am and refuse to talk to me? What has he told them about me? These and a million other questions cause butterflies to take up residence in my belly.
    I decide it’s time. Reaching inside my wallet, I pull out the small piece of paper. With shaking fingers, I dial slowly, trying to talk myself out of this with every keystroke. Finally, there’s just one number left. Nervously I press it, and bite my lip, hard. It rings about three times before—
    “Hello?” A woman’s voice answers.
    “Um…hi. I’m… M—my name is