Tousle Me by Lucy V. Morgan Page A

“Well thank God for that. Thought it might have been Creeptonight.”
    I frown. “You mean Kryptonite?”
    “No. Creeptonight.”
    Huh.
    “Guess I’d better go rescue the cafeteria,” I mutter, grabbing my coat.
    The lobby is indeed full of unicorn crap. I stop to peer at it for a second; it’s full of glitter and reeks of Gatorade. Huh. Sure smells better than Rule right now.
    The dorm cafeteria is always rowdy at lunch time; kind of like a high school cafeteria, actually, only this book ended up being too racy for YA so the author had to switch things round a lizzle. Rustic-style picnic tables sit in rows, and the counter is piled high with fake fruits and veggies which are ideal weapons for the odd plastic food fight.
    I spot the unicorn before I’ve even walked in the door. He’s lying on his back beside the vending machines, shrieking and neighing and rolling around while a bunch of sorority bimbos tickle him.
    “Sparkles von Fancypants,” I boom, “you complete whore! Come here at once.”
    “Neeeeigh!” He jerks up on to his four hooves, gives the bimbos an apologetic mane toss, and trots over to me. “Neeeigh.”
    “Bad unicorn,” I scold. “You crapped all over the lobby!”
    He puts his head down and gives me big eyes, ashamed. I take his black sequin bridle with a sigh. I wish Hunter was here to parent him with me—he’d be such a good father. My ovaries twerk just thinking about it.
    “It’s okay—you’re forgiven. But later, I’m teaching you how to use the toilet. Right?”
    He flares his nostrils in reluctant agreement.
    “Good boy. Now.” I gesture to the counter. “Want to get some lunch? I’ll let you Instagram it…”
    We walk up to the till together to order; I get cheese fries, and Sparkles von Fancypants has eggs over easy with wilted spinach and lots of edible glitter. I gather up the plates on a tray and try to ignore the stares of fellow students. What, they haven’t seen a purple sparkly unicorn before?
    “Hey, Cammie!” Enid waves from a table in the corner, where she’s sitting with her iPad and a tuna salad. “Over here.”
    She seems completely unfazed by my new pet. Hmm. “Mind if Sparkles lies by your feet?” I ask.
    She shrugs. “Go ahead.”
    “’Kay. Just need to Instagram his glitter eggs.”
    Enid frowns at me. “Not dealing with the Hunter thing very well, huh?”
    I check the photo and filter with Sparkles, who grunts his approval. Then I click Upload and leave him to chow down. “You heard about that?”
    “Archer told me earlier. Thought I’d let you sleep it off for a while.”
    “Oh yeah. I was, um, sleeping.” I blush horrendously. I was not sleeping—I masturbated for three hours straight. My foof is sore.
    “So how’re you feeling?” she asks, resting her chin in her hand.
    “Oh, Enid. I can’t believe what he did to me!”
    “Archer said he’s gone to the pork side,” she says sympathetically. “It’s like you made him fall on his sword. Only it was someone else’s sword.”
    “Whuh?”
    “Nothing.”
    I sigh deeply, and outwardly. “I don’t know what to do, Enid. Labron called earlier and said Hunter’s going crazy since I left. He said it was all a big misunderstanding—”
    “But you’re not falling for that bullshit, right?” She grabs my arm across the table. “ Right ?”
    “I don’t know,” I mumble.
    “Listen here, Cammibelle Hicks. You’re my best friend, and I’m not going to let you mope over a cock captain like Hunter von Styles. I even figured out how you’re going to get over him.”
    I glance up with a mouth full of cheese fries. “Really? How?”
    “Well. Normally, it takes loads of time to get over a broken heart—at least three chapters, and they’re often rushed and full of dull stuff that just gets summarized. None of that crap here, oh no. I asked myself, how else do you show the passing of time?”
    I give a clueless shrug.
    “A montage!” she exclaims, holding up the iPad.