Tortured: Book Three of the Jason and Azazel Trilogy by V. J. Chambers Page A

head? It
was something that only monsters did. I didn't think Jason was a monster. I
loved him. He was my everything . But I was glad that
I'd been able to stop him from killing Jude.  

How had I stopped it, anyway? I'd found him. But that had been because of my
dream. In my dream, Jason had been about to kill Chance, my little brother. In
reality, Jason had been about to kill Jude, his brother. In the dream, I'd
threatened to kill Jason. I'd said, "This is the line. We're not crossing
it." Then I'd shot Chance anyway, when he'd threatened to hurt Jason.

What did the dream mean? And why did it have such an eerie similarity to
reality?  

Because I'd put a gun in Jude's face too, just like I'd aimed at Chance in the
dream. And when I'd told Jude that if he spoke again, I would shoot him, I'd
been serious. I would have killed him. I'd said to Jude, "Jason and I are
the same." Were we? If Jason did monstrous things, then so did I.  

Suddenly, I flashed on the moments before I'd shot Lilith in the head. I hadn't
thought about that in any detail pretty much since I'd done it. But I suddenly
remembered the moments of clear, cold thought I'd had before I'd done it. I
remembered that I had thought about the conse-quences of the action, the ease
of casual violence, the fact that I'd be haunted and disturbed by it. And I'd
chosen to do it, anyway. Because, I'd thought, no matter what anyone said about
fate or Shiva or the power of Azazel, in the end, it was my responsibility. My choice.

But I'd dreamed last night, and my dream had come very close to true. Jason and
I had done things that had no explanation. If we were what they said we were,
then we didn't have choices. Because then we were only fulfilling destiny.

I couldn't have it both ways. I couldn't believe that I had choices and
responsibility and also believe that there were mystical forces interfering
with our lives. So what would I believe? What was the truth? And how did I
decide how to proceed?

One thing was for sure. Jason and I were falling further and further into an
abyss. It was like black water closing over our heads. And even if we
remembered how to swim, I didn't know which way was up anymore. For all I knew,
all our flailing was doing nothing more than dragging us down deeper.  

Right before I fell asleep, a note of panic stole into my thoughts as I
realized I hadn't had anything to drink. But I shook it away grimly. If the
dreams were coming for me, I'd have to face them. And with that thought, I
slipped into black and dreamless sleep.
    * * *
    The next day was Saturday, and we didn't have any
classes. In the morning, when I woke up, Jason called me because he wanted to
talk about what to do with Jude. I wasn't ready to talk about it. Instead, we
decided that we'd check on him periodically throughout the day. I went right
after breakfast, and I even brought him some food. Jason and I hadn't talked
about whether we were feeding him or not, but I wasn't going to let Jude just
die of thirst or starvation down there. That was a crueler way to kill him than
simply shooting him. I couldn't believe that I was considering the most
merciful way to kill someone.  

I untied Jude to let him eat. As he shoved food into his mouth, he asked me,
"What are you guys going to do with me?"

I didn't want to talk to Jude, especially because I didn't know if he was going
to die soon. I wanted to distance myself from him emotionally. "What do
you think we should do?" I said. "We clearly can't trust you."

"Listen, I want that diary back," said Jude.

"Eat," I said.

"You took it from me, and I want it back," said Jude.

"How did you get away from the Sons anyway?" I said. "And why
should we trust you? Aren't you just trying to kill Jason?"

Jude guzzled some of the iced tea I'd brought him. "I just want my diary
back, okay?"

I left Jude as soon as I could. Jason was going to check on him in the
afternoon. I made sure that Jude's bonds were as tight as possible and