sexual tension wasn’t something I was familiar with. It wasn’t something I ever thought I would experience.
Until now.
Four days of living with Holt and I was nothing but an exposed nerve, ready to explode at any moment. It was very confusing. It was very frustrating, and it was also kind of scary.
Yes, I’d been around men before. I’d lived with them. In fact, it was my experiences with the opposite sex that confirmed my decision to stay single. Forever. I was going to be one of those crazy ladies with fifty cats, a recliner, and a coupon addiction. Except my cats were going to be books. Books were way less stinky than cats.
But now things were changing.
My world, my view, my feelings were starting to tilt, and it left me feeling a little unbalanced all the time.
I found myself wandering down the romance section of the library, perusing the plethora of covers with shirtless muscle-bound men. All the females were gorgeous, with long legs and looks of desire on their faces. I used to snort at the sight of these books and secretly snicker when I checked them out to the little old ladies that came here for a weekly book club meeting.
But now as I fingered the glossy covers, I wondered what was within the pages. I wondered what kind of role these buff, half-naked men played in the story. Were the heroines of the story just as affected by their leading men as I was by Holt?
Did they lie in bed at night with him just walls away and wonder what it would be like to lie with him in the dark while he touched every inch of skin he could find? Did they breathe in deep every time he stepped near just to get a whiff of the scent that only he carried? Did an accidental touch, the simple brush of a hand or a shared look that lingered too long, threaten to drive them insane?
I cleared my throat and put the book back on the shelf. Clearly, I had enough romance swirling around in my head without reading some book.
He hadn’t kissed me since that first morning.
It seemed he went out of his way to give me some space, to keep a respectable distance between us. He wasn’t distant and cold. He was friendly and open. Every night since I’d been there, we cooked dinner together, laughing and joking in the kitchen while I showed him how not to ruin a pan.
We played cards (I was terrible) and he let me win (because he was a sweet). We watched action movies and made up our own dialogue when we thought what the actors said was stupid. I did his laundry and he washed the dishes, and I continued to sleep in his bed while he remained on the couch.
If I didn’t feel the attraction between us, if I didn’t feel the way it lingered in the air around us, I would have thought he didn’t see me as anything but a temporary roommate.
But I did feel it.
And he did too.
I could tell by the way his voice sometimes turned raspy and by the way he would watch me when he didn’t think I saw. The way he would angle his body so he never had his back to me, so he was always somewhat open to my presence. And sometimes, when I laughed or when I ate, he would watch my mouth and a hungry glint would come into his eyes.
But if I hadn’t noticed any of those things, I still would have known.
Every single night when I told him goodnight and he would whisper, “Sweet dreams,”I would feel his stare on me until I turned the corner into his bedroom and climbed into his bed.
It was driving me mad.
For a girl who never thought about sex, who never desired that kind of relationship with a man… I sure was making up for lost time.
I knew it was better this way, that I couldn’t act upon my feelings. This was only temporary—soon I would be going back to my life and he would go back to his. There was no use in complicating something that could remain simple.
With a sigh, I pushed all thoughts of Holt out of my head, glancing up at the clock. It was almost six.
Until now.
Four days of living with Holt and I was nothing but an exposed nerve, ready to explode at any moment. It was very confusing. It was very frustrating, and it was also kind of scary.
Yes, I’d been around men before. I’d lived with them. In fact, it was my experiences with the opposite sex that confirmed my decision to stay single. Forever. I was going to be one of those crazy ladies with fifty cats, a recliner, and a coupon addiction. Except my cats were going to be books. Books were way less stinky than cats.
But now things were changing.
My world, my view, my feelings were starting to tilt, and it left me feeling a little unbalanced all the time.
I found myself wandering down the romance section of the library, perusing the plethora of covers with shirtless muscle-bound men. All the females were gorgeous, with long legs and looks of desire on their faces. I used to snort at the sight of these books and secretly snicker when I checked them out to the little old ladies that came here for a weekly book club meeting.
But now as I fingered the glossy covers, I wondered what was within the pages. I wondered what kind of role these buff, half-naked men played in the story. Were the heroines of the story just as affected by their leading men as I was by Holt?
Did they lie in bed at night with him just walls away and wonder what it would be like to lie with him in the dark while he touched every inch of skin he could find? Did they breathe in deep every time he stepped near just to get a whiff of the scent that only he carried? Did an accidental touch, the simple brush of a hand or a shared look that lingered too long, threaten to drive them insane?
I cleared my throat and put the book back on the shelf. Clearly, I had enough romance swirling around in my head without reading some book.
He hadn’t kissed me since that first morning.
It seemed he went out of his way to give me some space, to keep a respectable distance between us. He wasn’t distant and cold. He was friendly and open. Every night since I’d been there, we cooked dinner together, laughing and joking in the kitchen while I showed him how not to ruin a pan.
We played cards (I was terrible) and he let me win (because he was a sweet). We watched action movies and made up our own dialogue when we thought what the actors said was stupid. I did his laundry and he washed the dishes, and I continued to sleep in his bed while he remained on the couch.
If I didn’t feel the attraction between us, if I didn’t feel the way it lingered in the air around us, I would have thought he didn’t see me as anything but a temporary roommate.
But I did feel it.
And he did too.
I could tell by the way his voice sometimes turned raspy and by the way he would watch me when he didn’t think I saw. The way he would angle his body so he never had his back to me, so he was always somewhat open to my presence. And sometimes, when I laughed or when I ate, he would watch my mouth and a hungry glint would come into his eyes.
But if I hadn’t noticed any of those things, I still would have known.
Every single night when I told him goodnight and he would whisper, “Sweet dreams,”I would feel his stare on me until I turned the corner into his bedroom and climbed into his bed.
It was driving me mad.
For a girl who never thought about sex, who never desired that kind of relationship with a man… I sure was making up for lost time.
I knew it was better this way, that I couldn’t act upon my feelings. This was only temporary—soon I would be going back to my life and he would go back to his. There was no use in complicating something that could remain simple.
With a sigh, I pushed all thoughts of Holt out of my head, glancing up at the clock. It was almost six.
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