Toil & Trouble: A Know Not Why Halloween (Mis)adventure by Hannah Johnson
Book: Toil & Trouble: A Know Not Why Halloween (Mis)adventure by Hannah Johnson
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Authors: Hannah Johnson
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Toil & Trouble: A Know Not Why Halloween (Mis)adventure
By Hannah Johnson
Smashwords Edition
Copyright © 2014 by Hannah Johnson
Smashwords Edition, License Notes:
This ebook is licensed for your personal
enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to
other people. If you would like to share this book with another
person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If
you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not
purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com
and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work
of this author.
Dedication: For my Know Not Why readers, some of whom asked for more Howie & Co. Your
readership is truly one of the great joys of my life. Thank you,
thank you, thank you! You all rule.
+
The world has descended into chaos.
Foggy, shrieky, hideous chaos.
And so Howie does a thing he never thought he would
do. He grabs his reindeer antlers out from under the counter, and
he puts them on his goddamn head.
That’s right.
Howie the Reindeer strikes back.
It has come to this.
“Kristy,” he says, tugging on her sleeve. Well, her
white bandage. It has become suddenly, abundantly clear that it is
not in the realm of human decency to ask someone to dress up as a
sexy mummy. “What are we gonna do? We—we gotta fix this,
right?”
“I told you,” Kristy says faintly. “I told you this
would happen.”
One of the kids starts screaming extra hysterically.
Howie raises his voice over that oh-so-delightful sound and tries
to throw in some devil-may-care cheer, all like, Ha ha ha, what
a hilarious happenstance we have stumbled into! All like, This is definitely a charming misadventure, and not the lowest
moment that has ever happened in these four walls. “Well, it’s
not too late, buddy! If you want to just—you know, bust out that
sparkly blue number—”
But instead of listening, she just turns and
disappears in the direction of the kitchen, leaving him to this pit
of misery.
Okay.
That’s okay.
It’s fine if this is the first time in history that
Kristy Quincy, Actual Disney Princess, has denied help to a friend
in need. Definitely not a sign that THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON THEM or
anything.
Although if the apocalypse was upon them,
well, it would probably look a lot like this. What was once a
perfectly boring arts ‘n crafts store has turned into a hell pit.
The lights are all off, save for a strobe light aggressively
flashing on and off. (Why did they decide the strobe light was a
good idea again?) Dry ice has cast a malevolent fog all over the
place.
Kids are crying and screaming.
Probably because Frankenstein’s monster just burst in
from outside mere seconds ago, the erratic light illuminating and
obscuring its nasty, stitched-up face (and extremely shiny
hair).
Cora, who is currently covered in like forty pounds
of werewolf suit, leaps over to Frankenstein, and that sets off a
whole new round of screaming from bystanders.
Hobo Ghost Arthur wanders around the room strumming
his guitar (tonight’s soundtrack consists exclusively of Taylor
Swift ditties in creepy minor keys) and then looks really freaked
out whenever a kid bumps into him.
It is just not good.
And then Howie feels a hand on his shoulder, and
there’s Amber beside him: a much-more-terrifying-than-usual Amber,
what with her zombie face and her bloody white nightgown and her
incredible rat’s nest of angry feminist hair, but at least it’s
Amber. Amber, he has always suspected, knows how to fix
anything.
And then he realizes all at once just what the
solution is.
He and Amber are the only ones who can diffuse this
crapfest with an act of Halloween spirit so benign that it couldn’t
even scare the world’s timidest toddler. Now that Kristy’s gone,
they’re the only ones who can end this.
“We have to do
By Hannah Johnson
Smashwords Edition
Copyright © 2014 by Hannah Johnson
Smashwords Edition, License Notes:
This ebook is licensed for your personal
enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to
other people. If you would like to share this book with another
person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If
you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not
purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com
and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work
of this author.
Dedication: For my Know Not Why readers, some of whom asked for more Howie & Co. Your
readership is truly one of the great joys of my life. Thank you,
thank you, thank you! You all rule.
+
The world has descended into chaos.
Foggy, shrieky, hideous chaos.
And so Howie does a thing he never thought he would
do. He grabs his reindeer antlers out from under the counter, and
he puts them on his goddamn head.
That’s right.
Howie the Reindeer strikes back.
It has come to this.
“Kristy,” he says, tugging on her sleeve. Well, her
white bandage. It has become suddenly, abundantly clear that it is
not in the realm of human decency to ask someone to dress up as a
sexy mummy. “What are we gonna do? We—we gotta fix this,
right?”
“I told you,” Kristy says faintly. “I told you this
would happen.”
One of the kids starts screaming extra hysterically.
Howie raises his voice over that oh-so-delightful sound and tries
to throw in some devil-may-care cheer, all like, Ha ha ha, what
a hilarious happenstance we have stumbled into! All like, This is definitely a charming misadventure, and not the lowest
moment that has ever happened in these four walls. “Well, it’s
not too late, buddy! If you want to just—you know, bust out that
sparkly blue number—”
But instead of listening, she just turns and
disappears in the direction of the kitchen, leaving him to this pit
of misery.
Okay.
That’s okay.
It’s fine if this is the first time in history that
Kristy Quincy, Actual Disney Princess, has denied help to a friend
in need. Definitely not a sign that THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON THEM or
anything.
Although if the apocalypse was upon them,
well, it would probably look a lot like this. What was once a
perfectly boring arts ‘n crafts store has turned into a hell pit.
The lights are all off, save for a strobe light aggressively
flashing on and off. (Why did they decide the strobe light was a
good idea again?) Dry ice has cast a malevolent fog all over the
place.
Kids are crying and screaming.
Probably because Frankenstein’s monster just burst in
from outside mere seconds ago, the erratic light illuminating and
obscuring its nasty, stitched-up face (and extremely shiny
hair).
Cora, who is currently covered in like forty pounds
of werewolf suit, leaps over to Frankenstein, and that sets off a
whole new round of screaming from bystanders.
Hobo Ghost Arthur wanders around the room strumming
his guitar (tonight’s soundtrack consists exclusively of Taylor
Swift ditties in creepy minor keys) and then looks really freaked
out whenever a kid bumps into him.
It is just not good.
And then Howie feels a hand on his shoulder, and
there’s Amber beside him: a much-more-terrifying-than-usual Amber,
what with her zombie face and her bloody white nightgown and her
incredible rat’s nest of angry feminist hair, but at least it’s
Amber. Amber, he has always suspected, knows how to fix
anything.
And then he realizes all at once just what the
solution is.
He and Amber are the only ones who can diffuse this
crapfest with an act of Halloween spirit so benign that it couldn’t
even scare the world’s timidest toddler. Now that Kristy’s gone,
they’re the only ones who can end this.
“We have to do
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