To Feel Stuff by Andrea Seigel Page B

thought you’d probably have heard through the grapevine that I’d landed in the hospital, and I didn’t want to have to tell you about it. I wanted you to believe I was on the verge of being normal. We could start from there.
    When you saw me, you sat up straighter and smiled. “You’re back!” you said. The lamp next to your bed was the only light on in the room.
    â€œI’m back,” I agreed, and then I flirted with you by falling face first onto my bed. “I’m exhausted,” I told my comforter, and that was the last thing I remember before you woke me up.

Chapter 13
    From The Desk of Chester Hunter III
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    When you came back to the infirmary, one of the lights from the hallway was shining over your head, and looking at you, I felt like a lost miner who’d just collided with one of my own guys in the darkness. I was that happy to see you, even though we barely knew each other, El. I had the feeling that you were there to save my life. But then you barely even looked at me when you walked to your bed. And then you just collapsed into it, and I saw your back moving from your heavy breaths.
    So I waited five minutes. You can’t imagine how badly I wanted you to move. I decided to try a little telepathy because I was feeling brand new, and as lame as it sounds, I thought that maybe I had brand-new abilities. So I stared at your pinky finger on your pillow and tried to will it to move. It turned out that I didn’t have the patience, though, to actually concentrate and see if I could be telepathically successful. I remember I asked you, “Elodie? How could it be possible that I missed you so much today when I don’t even know you, and that I didn’t want to see my friends, who I should have been missing?”
    I didn’t get a response, and Lily came into the room, holding my macaroni and cheese. I whispered to her, “Can she honestly be sleeping?” We both looked over to you in disbelief. “She came in a second ago, and now she’s already knocked out.” I could hear the start of alarm in my voice.
    Lily tiptoed over to your bed and bent down to check. She stood up and mouthed to me, “Sleeping.”
    And maybe you’ll think I sound like a baby, but I felt your having fallen asleep as a personal loss. I’d been looking forward to your return all afternoon, and god, that sounds whiny, but there were so many things left unfinished.
    I beckoned Lily over to my bedside and told her, “I’ve been sitting in the exact same spot all day. Are there wheelchairs around here? It would be really great if I could just look at the room from a different angle.”
    Lily went away for a few minutes and came back with a wheelchair, which she helped me get into. You slept through all this, even though we were talking at normal level and my leg braces were hitting up against each other and everything. I could hardly believe your sleeping stamina. After I was settled in the chair, I practiced rolling myself backward and forward with my arms, and Lily seemed really proud.
    â€œNow you can get your own magazines from the mantel,” she said.
    I asked her, “Who would have thought I’d be so happy about being able to roll ten feet when I could run a thousand yesterday?”
    She said she had to go do some paperwork, but if I got bored, I should roll myself to the door and knock, and we could hang out. She never got as far as brushing my hair, but she definitely wanted to throw some dessert in the microwave and shoot the shit.
    Once I was alone, I turned myself in a half circle so that I could face you again. You still hadn’t moved a muscle, and, well, suffice it to say, I guess I knew I couldn’t be passive anymore. So I pulled my elbows back to put as much power into the push-off as possible (I also used my diaphragm training from all my years of singing), and then I flew across the floor and to the foot of your