To Crown a Caesar (The Praetorian Series: Book II) by Edward Crichton

knew sh e deserved the truth, but in this moment, I was finding it difficult to give her an answer.  I couldn’t just tell her all my theories were based off of science fiction television and documentaries on the Science Channel.  She wouldn’t accept that, and I suppose I didn’t either.
    What I did trust, however, was myself.  I’ve always trusted the men I had under my command as a SEAL, but the only person I could ever absolutely rely on was me.  Every single job throughout my life that had to be done, I did myself.  Every one of those experiences helped build my confidence in my own instincts and abilities.  It hadn’t been easy as a kid, as it rarely is, but over time and through the vagaries of life, I grew into a rock steady adult who trusted himself implicitly.  Experience is the forbearer of all knowledge and I had been through a lot in my time, and everything within me had been telling me that something needs to be done.
    “I feel it in my gut, Helena,” I said wholeheartedly.  “I really do.  I know this is the right thing to do.”
    “In your gut?”  Helena asked knowingly, her look suggesting she had known the answer all along.
    I eyed her suspiciously.  “Yes.  It’s never led me in the wrong direction before.”
    “Well, Jacob,” she said coyly, “I’ve always trusted your gut too.  I always have but only because my own gut lets me.  After everything Agrippina’s done to manipulate us, I promised myself years ago that I wasn’t going to blindly follow anyone ever again, that I’d never be that little girl again who had no choice in who she was going to marry.”  She took a second before jabbing a finger against my chest, biting her lower lip as she did so.  It hurt a little and I flinched away as she continued.  “You’re just lucky that you’ve always been good at making decisions because I’ve never had any reason to doubt you before.”
    “Except now,” I said, understanding.
    She nodded.  “I want to trust you, Jacob, like I always have, but I just can’t if you don’t trust me in return.”
    Just like last time , I opened my mouth to answer immediately, only to close it just as quickly.  Seconds later, I figured out what she was trying to get at. In all the time I’d known her, she had always been the person I could rely on more than anyone, even myself, but all I’d done over the last few months was push her away and internalize everything without ever seeking her input.  Bordeaux was right.  Trust and communication were two sides of the same coin.  From her perspective, I no longer trusted her because I no longer sought to confide in her. 
    To her, it must have felt like a complete betrayal.
    I shut my eyes to shield myself from the intensity of her inspection.
    I’d spent the past five months diligently preparing for what we were about to do, but now I wanted nothing to do with it since all I’d seemed to accomplish was turn my closest friends against me.
    I opened my eyes and looked into Helena’s, noticing that she must have known I’d come to some sort of conclusion because her eyes seemed softer than I’d seen them in months.
    “Helena…” I started, almost unable to get the name out, “I’m sorry.  You know how I can get sometimes, and I took it too far this time. I regret that more than you can know.”
    She waited a few seconds before nodding.  “I accept your apology, Jacob, but you’re not getting out of this that easy.  We’re not actually ‘talking’ right now.  We’re simply discussing your inability to communicate.  The only thing I want out of you right now is a truce.  You stop pushing me away and I’ll stop ignoring you, and maybe you can finally convince me all this is worth it.”
    I haven’t underestimated Helena since the moment she nearly knocked me out upon our first meeting, and since the day we began our friendship, even before it blossomed into something more, I always knew just how formidable she