confident, but inside she wasn’t convinced. Joan Gonzales and her malicious looks were only the beginning. When Jake began making the public appearances that were so necessary during the campaign, she wasn’t certain she would be able to handle it at all.
J AKE HANDED R ACHEL a glass of wine before settling himself into the patio chair beside her. Most of the evening, she’d been deep in thought. The underwater lights in the pool cast a soft blue-tinted glow over her features. The truth was, Rachel had been quiet every night since Scotty had disappeared. With Michael around to complicate things even more, Jake wasn’t sure what constituted a normal evening at home. And yet this evening he’d sensed something further.
It wasn’t Michael, he decided. In fact, Rachel and Michael seemed to have hit it off remarkably well, for which Jake gave heartfelt thanks. Rachel’s hours at the hospital just happened to coincide with Michael’s school hours. He rode in with her in the mornings and she picked him up in the afternoons. It was an arrangement she had suggested. Jake, ever alert to ways to cement the relationship between the three of them, had been elated. Ever since the boy’s arrival, Jake had beenholding his breath, hoping and praying that Rachel would stay long enough to learn to like him. Now he wanted more than that. He wanted Rachel to love Michael as he did.
He wished other things would work out, as well. He and Rachel still slept apart. He missed her, missed having her close in the night. Over the years, they might have had other problems in their marriage, but they’d never slept apart before. Her presence grounded him, made his love for her seem like a tangible thing. Until lately, he had been confident that Rachel felt the same. Now he wondered. Could she just turn her feelings off at will? Was that her idea of love? Had she ever really loved him?
He leaned back so that he was slightly behind her, watching her. “Something on your mind tonight?” he asked.
She was still for a second before shifting in the chair and crossing her legs. “No, not really.”
“How’s the job?”
“Busy, interesting, hectic.”
He studied her, frowning. Two of his men, Ed Sims and Leon White, had rushed a pair of drugged kids to Emergency the very first day she’d been on the job. He hated for Rachel to be exposed to that kind of thing. “You don’t have to stay with it, Rachel. You can—”
“I like it, Jake.”
Jake didn’t want to argue, but he couldn’t just drop it there. “You always hated it when things got hectic here at home. How can you like it at work?”
“I don’t know. It’s just different at work. Challenging.”
“You see some bad stuff in Emergency,” he said, disapproval making him sound gruff.
“I realized that within the first hour.” She scooted her chair back a little to face him. “Jake, how is it that I’m married to the sheriff in this county and yet I feel as though I’ve been living in a dreamworld? I read the papers. I know we have a drug problem, every place does. I know about teenage pregnancy and homelessness and alcoholism. But my grasp of these problems was so superficial. Every day I go into the hospital and see these things firsthand, I wonder where in the world have I been? Would I have been willing to stick my head in the sand and pretend everything’s lovely forever?”
“Just because you weren’t on speaking terms with all the crime in the county or didn’t associate with the dregs of humanity doesn’t mean you’re a failure as a human being.”
“You’re missing my point,” she said impatiently. “I just feel that somehow I could have been more involved, especially since I’m the wife of the sheriff.”
He got up and went to the edge of the pool, hisback to her. “It’s because I see so much of it that I want to shield my family.”
“Maybe I don’t want to be shielded anymore.”
Jake’s heart started to beat faster. Was she
J AKE HANDED R ACHEL a glass of wine before settling himself into the patio chair beside her. Most of the evening, she’d been deep in thought. The underwater lights in the pool cast a soft blue-tinted glow over her features. The truth was, Rachel had been quiet every night since Scotty had disappeared. With Michael around to complicate things even more, Jake wasn’t sure what constituted a normal evening at home. And yet this evening he’d sensed something further.
It wasn’t Michael, he decided. In fact, Rachel and Michael seemed to have hit it off remarkably well, for which Jake gave heartfelt thanks. Rachel’s hours at the hospital just happened to coincide with Michael’s school hours. He rode in with her in the mornings and she picked him up in the afternoons. It was an arrangement she had suggested. Jake, ever alert to ways to cement the relationship between the three of them, had been elated. Ever since the boy’s arrival, Jake had beenholding his breath, hoping and praying that Rachel would stay long enough to learn to like him. Now he wanted more than that. He wanted Rachel to love Michael as he did.
He wished other things would work out, as well. He and Rachel still slept apart. He missed her, missed having her close in the night. Over the years, they might have had other problems in their marriage, but they’d never slept apart before. Her presence grounded him, made his love for her seem like a tangible thing. Until lately, he had been confident that Rachel felt the same. Now he wondered. Could she just turn her feelings off at will? Was that her idea of love? Had she ever really loved him?
He leaned back so that he was slightly behind her, watching her. “Something on your mind tonight?” he asked.
She was still for a second before shifting in the chair and crossing her legs. “No, not really.”
“How’s the job?”
“Busy, interesting, hectic.”
He studied her, frowning. Two of his men, Ed Sims and Leon White, had rushed a pair of drugged kids to Emergency the very first day she’d been on the job. He hated for Rachel to be exposed to that kind of thing. “You don’t have to stay with it, Rachel. You can—”
“I like it, Jake.”
Jake didn’t want to argue, but he couldn’t just drop it there. “You always hated it when things got hectic here at home. How can you like it at work?”
“I don’t know. It’s just different at work. Challenging.”
“You see some bad stuff in Emergency,” he said, disapproval making him sound gruff.
“I realized that within the first hour.” She scooted her chair back a little to face him. “Jake, how is it that I’m married to the sheriff in this county and yet I feel as though I’ve been living in a dreamworld? I read the papers. I know we have a drug problem, every place does. I know about teenage pregnancy and homelessness and alcoholism. But my grasp of these problems was so superficial. Every day I go into the hospital and see these things firsthand, I wonder where in the world have I been? Would I have been willing to stick my head in the sand and pretend everything’s lovely forever?”
“Just because you weren’t on speaking terms with all the crime in the county or didn’t associate with the dregs of humanity doesn’t mean you’re a failure as a human being.”
“You’re missing my point,” she said impatiently. “I just feel that somehow I could have been more involved, especially since I’m the wife of the sheriff.”
He got up and went to the edge of the pool, hisback to her. “It’s because I see so much of it that I want to shield my family.”
“Maybe I don’t want to be shielded anymore.”
Jake’s heart started to beat faster. Was she
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