her…” I shook my head. “It’s just too complicated for me.”
“You always said you would commit to a woman if you found the right one.”
“Well…maybe Marie isn’t the right one.”
“Or you’re a pussy.”
I glared at him.
“Prove me wrong.” He held my gaze without backing down.
I quickly realized what he was doing. “Not gonna work, man.”
“Let me put this into terms that you’ll understand.” He leaned over the table and lowered his voice. “Marie is a pretty girl. She’s smart, sophisticated, funny, and loyal. If you’ve noticed these characteristics someone else is bound to as well. So, get in there before someone else stakes a claim.”
I was already too late. “She’s seeing this guy…”
“Are they serious?”
“She says they aren’t but I know she’s sleeping with him.”
“That doesn’t mean anything.”
It does to me. “I already missed my chance so there’s no point in talking about this.”
“If she says they aren’t serious you can still make a move.”
I didn’t want to compete with anyone. And I didn’t want to disrupt her happiness—if that’s what she felt. “No.” Sometimes I felt something between us, some kind of hum in the air, and I was pretty certain she felt it too. But that could just be a figment of my imagination.
Hawke sighed in defeat, irritated with my response. “Don’t wait until it’s too late.”
“You’re acting like I’m in love with this girl. I’m not.”
Hawke leaned back in the booth and stared me down. A question or statement was about to escape his lips, but it wasn’t clear which one it would be. Nearly a full minute passed before he opened his mouth. “Axel, have you slept with anyone since Marie?”
I refused to meet his gaze because my heart just fell into my stomach. On display, my emotions burned like a fire. I wanted to crawl under the table and hide. For the first time I actually felt ashamed for an answer I was about to give.
“Axel?” He pressed the question on me even though he already knew the answer.
My throat felt dry like I hadn’t had a glass of water in years. When I swallowed it actually hurt. Like a dog that couldn’t look at his owner after pissing all over the carpet, I avoided his gaze. “No.”
Sorrow
Marie
Like always, Francesca was a living corpse. She didn’t want to do anything, go anywhere, or eat anything. If I didn’t pester her to get out of bed, shower, and eat something, she probably would have died by now.
It was a type of sorrow I couldn’t understand. I was there when both of her parents passed away. She was devastated, but what she felt now was completely different.
I wish I could fix this.
On Sunday night, I tried to convince her to go to school the following day. “Frankie, you’ve been moping around for too long now.”
“I don’t care.” She lay on the couch, wearing the same pajamas she’d been wearing all week.
“Axel and I can cover for you but we can’t do everything.”
“I never asked you to do that.” Her voice always held the same tone, one of pure boredom.
“Well, I’m obligated to do that. You’re my best friend.”
She slowly got off the couch, like her body was failing her. “You aren’t obligated to do anything, Marie. Don’t let my misery ruin your life.” She walked down the hall and shut her bedroom door.
I stayed on the couch and stopped myself from screaming. I missed my best friend, the feisty and badass chick I used to know. Nothing could bother her. She was like a concrete wall that an army could never break through.
But now she was as good as dead.
My phone rang and I looked at the screen.
It was Axel.
Anytime I saw his name on my phone my heart did a tiny somersault. I suddenly grew nervous, feeling my mouth go dry. A tiny burst of excitement exploded inside me. When the nerves faded away I answered it. “Hello?”
“Hey.” Static sounded behind him, like he was driving.
“Hi.” I already said that
“You always said you would commit to a woman if you found the right one.”
“Well…maybe Marie isn’t the right one.”
“Or you’re a pussy.”
I glared at him.
“Prove me wrong.” He held my gaze without backing down.
I quickly realized what he was doing. “Not gonna work, man.”
“Let me put this into terms that you’ll understand.” He leaned over the table and lowered his voice. “Marie is a pretty girl. She’s smart, sophisticated, funny, and loyal. If you’ve noticed these characteristics someone else is bound to as well. So, get in there before someone else stakes a claim.”
I was already too late. “She’s seeing this guy…”
“Are they serious?”
“She says they aren’t but I know she’s sleeping with him.”
“That doesn’t mean anything.”
It does to me. “I already missed my chance so there’s no point in talking about this.”
“If she says they aren’t serious you can still make a move.”
I didn’t want to compete with anyone. And I didn’t want to disrupt her happiness—if that’s what she felt. “No.” Sometimes I felt something between us, some kind of hum in the air, and I was pretty certain she felt it too. But that could just be a figment of my imagination.
Hawke sighed in defeat, irritated with my response. “Don’t wait until it’s too late.”
“You’re acting like I’m in love with this girl. I’m not.”
Hawke leaned back in the booth and stared me down. A question or statement was about to escape his lips, but it wasn’t clear which one it would be. Nearly a full minute passed before he opened his mouth. “Axel, have you slept with anyone since Marie?”
I refused to meet his gaze because my heart just fell into my stomach. On display, my emotions burned like a fire. I wanted to crawl under the table and hide. For the first time I actually felt ashamed for an answer I was about to give.
“Axel?” He pressed the question on me even though he already knew the answer.
My throat felt dry like I hadn’t had a glass of water in years. When I swallowed it actually hurt. Like a dog that couldn’t look at his owner after pissing all over the carpet, I avoided his gaze. “No.”
Sorrow
Marie
Like always, Francesca was a living corpse. She didn’t want to do anything, go anywhere, or eat anything. If I didn’t pester her to get out of bed, shower, and eat something, she probably would have died by now.
It was a type of sorrow I couldn’t understand. I was there when both of her parents passed away. She was devastated, but what she felt now was completely different.
I wish I could fix this.
On Sunday night, I tried to convince her to go to school the following day. “Frankie, you’ve been moping around for too long now.”
“I don’t care.” She lay on the couch, wearing the same pajamas she’d been wearing all week.
“Axel and I can cover for you but we can’t do everything.”
“I never asked you to do that.” Her voice always held the same tone, one of pure boredom.
“Well, I’m obligated to do that. You’re my best friend.”
She slowly got off the couch, like her body was failing her. “You aren’t obligated to do anything, Marie. Don’t let my misery ruin your life.” She walked down the hall and shut her bedroom door.
I stayed on the couch and stopped myself from screaming. I missed my best friend, the feisty and badass chick I used to know. Nothing could bother her. She was like a concrete wall that an army could never break through.
But now she was as good as dead.
My phone rang and I looked at the screen.
It was Axel.
Anytime I saw his name on my phone my heart did a tiny somersault. I suddenly grew nervous, feeling my mouth go dry. A tiny burst of excitement exploded inside me. When the nerves faded away I answered it. “Hello?”
“Hey.” Static sounded behind him, like he was driving.
“Hi.” I already said that
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