did I, not really sure what to do. We kept our hands locked though, not squeezing, not playing some stupid game with our fingers, but just keeping them together. Finally, Jason broke the silence. “I’m always going to be here. You can hold me on retainer, using me for a fuck whenever Keanne’s not around, because guess what? He’s never going to be around. He’s just going to keep using you, the way that he uses the other girls he’s been with. You think that to him, you’re different?”
“Yes, I do,” I said with a laugh.
“Well, you’re not. You’re not different, to him, and it’s not because you’re not special. You are, Becca, but he’s too much of an egotistical asshole to realize it. He’s sneaking around with you like you’re something to be ashamed of, when you’re not. You’re worth so much more than him, Becca,” he said with a sigh.
“Like what? Don’t try to push Keanne out of my life when you’re the one who’s kept me as a friend with benefit.”
“Are you serious? I don’t sneak around, Becca. I’ve never been ashamed to be with you, or tried to hide it. I’ve gone out with you for coffee, to the movies, taken you to places that are special to me. I’m not the one that wants to hide what we have: you have. I’ve tried to take this to the next level, time and time again, but each time, you resist.”
“So what are you saying, Jason? That I shouldn’t go with him to New York? That I shouldn’t take a chance at my dream?”
“And what is your dream, Becca? Because from what you’ve told me, experience with Keanne isn’t going to help you as a journalist, unless you’re trying to do the whole Hunter S. Thompson thing. Keanne’s not the man you think he is, he’s not different than other people, and his story isn’t important. Yours is.” Jason turned towards me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I looked back at him, and his eyes weren’t angry, like I thought they’d be. There wasn’t a wrinkle on his forehead, not a crinkle on that perfect face. His eyes were just dim, like someone who was disillusioned, and who wasn’t going to play the game we’d been playing anymore. “I’m not going to leave you, though. I’ll always be here for you, in whatever capacity you need me. Whenever you need me, I’ll be here.”
I couldn’t tell Jason how I felt though, not yet. I didn’t even know whether or not the New York trip would change anything, because the truth was, I knew that this weekend I’d find out if I was good enough to stay with Jason or if I had to break up with him, for his own good. “Let’s just get some sleep,” I said, and I gave him a kiss on the forehead before I turned away from him. He pulled my curled body into his, our bodies one, but unlike Jason, I wasn’t so sure we’d be able to be like this forever.
Chapter Nine:
T HE CAR KEANNE HAD ORDERED FOR ME TOOK ME PAST THE AIRPORT AND ONTO THE TARMAC, where a private jet was waiting, along with a familiar face.
Keanne.
In a black shirt with a dog’s face on it, designer black shorts, and a pair of puffy black sneakers, there was no mistaking him, even before he took off his large, visor-like sunglasses to reveal his warm eyes. His skin was slightly darker than mine, with redder tones, the chocolate to my caramel, but he had the same smattering of dark freckles across his cheeks, beneath his eyes, that I did.
“A pleasure, as always,” he said, giving me a kiss on the cheek and a hug from the side as the driver and the air stewards unloaded the car’s trunk and carried out my bags. “It’s been too long, honey. You excited for New York?” he asked, drawing me closer with his hand on my lower back and pulling me in. I could smell his expensive cologne. He smelled of peppercorn and bergamot, the latter scent reminding me of Jason, of the way we drank Earl Grey tea together in the morning, with our breakfast, before I’d leave the apartment.
“Of course,” I said coolly, as if I
“Yes, I do,” I said with a laugh.
“Well, you’re not. You’re not different, to him, and it’s not because you’re not special. You are, Becca, but he’s too much of an egotistical asshole to realize it. He’s sneaking around with you like you’re something to be ashamed of, when you’re not. You’re worth so much more than him, Becca,” he said with a sigh.
“Like what? Don’t try to push Keanne out of my life when you’re the one who’s kept me as a friend with benefit.”
“Are you serious? I don’t sneak around, Becca. I’ve never been ashamed to be with you, or tried to hide it. I’ve gone out with you for coffee, to the movies, taken you to places that are special to me. I’m not the one that wants to hide what we have: you have. I’ve tried to take this to the next level, time and time again, but each time, you resist.”
“So what are you saying, Jason? That I shouldn’t go with him to New York? That I shouldn’t take a chance at my dream?”
“And what is your dream, Becca? Because from what you’ve told me, experience with Keanne isn’t going to help you as a journalist, unless you’re trying to do the whole Hunter S. Thompson thing. Keanne’s not the man you think he is, he’s not different than other people, and his story isn’t important. Yours is.” Jason turned towards me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I looked back at him, and his eyes weren’t angry, like I thought they’d be. There wasn’t a wrinkle on his forehead, not a crinkle on that perfect face. His eyes were just dim, like someone who was disillusioned, and who wasn’t going to play the game we’d been playing anymore. “I’m not going to leave you, though. I’ll always be here for you, in whatever capacity you need me. Whenever you need me, I’ll be here.”
I couldn’t tell Jason how I felt though, not yet. I didn’t even know whether or not the New York trip would change anything, because the truth was, I knew that this weekend I’d find out if I was good enough to stay with Jason or if I had to break up with him, for his own good. “Let’s just get some sleep,” I said, and I gave him a kiss on the forehead before I turned away from him. He pulled my curled body into his, our bodies one, but unlike Jason, I wasn’t so sure we’d be able to be like this forever.
Chapter Nine:
T HE CAR KEANNE HAD ORDERED FOR ME TOOK ME PAST THE AIRPORT AND ONTO THE TARMAC, where a private jet was waiting, along with a familiar face.
Keanne.
In a black shirt with a dog’s face on it, designer black shorts, and a pair of puffy black sneakers, there was no mistaking him, even before he took off his large, visor-like sunglasses to reveal his warm eyes. His skin was slightly darker than mine, with redder tones, the chocolate to my caramel, but he had the same smattering of dark freckles across his cheeks, beneath his eyes, that I did.
“A pleasure, as always,” he said, giving me a kiss on the cheek and a hug from the side as the driver and the air stewards unloaded the car’s trunk and carried out my bags. “It’s been too long, honey. You excited for New York?” he asked, drawing me closer with his hand on my lower back and pulling me in. I could smell his expensive cologne. He smelled of peppercorn and bergamot, the latter scent reminding me of Jason, of the way we drank Earl Grey tea together in the morning, with our breakfast, before I’d leave the apartment.
“Of course,” I said coolly, as if I
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