drive him up the wall, leaving a smudge of lipstick on the tip of her so-called last cigarette.
Did she really understand?
They were on the sidewalk. He had no idea where to go anymore, and she wasnât curious enough to ask.
She took his arm. âCome on,â he dully repeated, as if accepting once and for all whatever fate held in store.
The hours that followed were exhausting. He seemed almost sadistically determined to revisit all the places theyâd been together.
At the Rockefeller Center cafeteria, for example, he ordered exactly what theyâd had the first time. Scrutinizing her fiercely, he subjected her to a merciless interrogation.
âWho have you been here with before?â
âWhat do you mean?â
âDonât ask questions. Answer me. When a woman answers a question with a question, sheâs about to tell a lie.â
âI donât understand, François.â
âYou told me you came here often. Admit it would be unusual if you always came alone.â
âSometimes I came with Jessie.â
âWho else?â
âI donât remember.â
âWith a man?â
âPossibly, yes, a long time ago, with a friend of Jessieâs â¦â
âA friend of Jessieâs who was also your lover.â
âBut â¦â
âAdmit it.â
âI mean ⦠Yes, I think ⦠Once, in a taxi.â
And he saw the inside of the cab, the driverâs shoulders, the milky blur of faces crowded in the darkness outside. He could feel those stolen kisses on his lips, he could taste them.
âBitch!â
âIt was so meaningless, Frank â¦â
Why was she calling him Frank all of a sudden?
It was him or anybody else, right? One man more or one man less?
Why didnât she fight back? He resented her passivity, her humility. He dragged her outside. He kept dragging her around everywhere, as if driven to it by some obscure force.
âAnd this street, have you been here with a man?â
âNo. I donât know anymore.â
âNew York is so big, isnât it? Still, youâve lived here for years. You donât expect me to believe that you havenât gone to little bars like ours with other men, and that you havenât endlessly played other records that were at that moment your song.â
âIâve never been in love, Frank.â
âYouâre lying.â
âThink what you like. Iâve never been in love. Not the way I love you.â
âAnd you went to the movies. I know youâve been at the movies with a man and done things in the dark. Admit it!â
âI donât know anymore.â
âSee! Was it on Broadway? Show me the cinema.â
âMaybe at the Capitol, once â¦â
They were less than a hundred yards away from it and saw the red-and-yellow letters blinking on and off.
âA young naval officer. A Frenchman.â
âYou were lovers a long time?â
âA weekend. His ship was in Boston. He came to New York on leave with a friend.â
âAnd you had both of them!â
âWhen his friend saw how things were going, he left us.â
âIâll bet you met them on the street.â
âThatâs true. I recognized the uniform. I heard them speaking French. They didnât know I understood them until I smiled. They spoke to me.â
âWhich hotel did he take you to? Where did you sleep with him? Answer me!â
She remained silent.
âAnswer me!â
âWhy do you want to know? Youâre torturing yourself for nothing, believe me. It was so unimportant, Frank.â
âWhich hotel?â
As if resigned to fate, she said: âThe Lotus.â
He burst out laughing and dropped her arm.
âOh, God, that takes the prize! Talk about coincidences! So, on our first night, or first morning, rather, since it was nearly day, when I brought you to
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