Thought I Knew You by Kate Moretti Page A

mean, right now?”
    I shook my head. I had asked myself that question a thousand times. “If he left me, wouldn’t he have used his credit cards or something? I’ve been checking our statements. It’s like he’s changed his identity. But that’s crazy. Why would he go through with that? How is that easier than a divorce? He would have no access to any of his money.”
    “Unless…” Drew looked uncomfortable. I gave him a go on look . “Are you absolutely sure you know about all his bank accounts?”
    “No, I’m not sure at all. I didn’t deal with the money. Greg did. In fact, I haven’t even gone into his study to figure out how to pay our bills. I’m writing checks on a wing and a prayer.” I leaned my head back on the couch pillows, too exhausted to think about it anymore. I was wrung out, my mind blank, a visceral defense.
    We sat that way for a while, in silence. Finally, Drew pulled me back against him, and in the security of his arms, I fell asleep for the first time in days.

    I woke up the next morning with Drew’s arm still wrapped around my shoulder and my head resting against his chest. I sat up, blinking from the sunlight streaming through the windows, bright and painful. I turned to watch him snoring softly. I extricated myself and covered him with a blanket, knowing he had about twenty minutes of solid sleep left before the girls woke up.
    Under the shower’s hot spray, I reviewed the previous evening’s turn of events. I made a mental list of all the evidence supporting Greg’s affair and decided I could no longer play dumb about Greg’s life— our life —before he had disappeared. Or maybe, before he had left .
    I let the tears fall freely, safe from the children’s scrutiny that never seemed to miss a thing. Mommy, why are you sad? Were you crying?
    I pounded the shower wall with my fist and sank to the bottom of the stall. How? How could you do this to us? Just leave us? Let me think you were dead? Greg was alive. I knew that as certainly as I knew the grass was green. Did you think I wouldn’t let you go? Did you think I would make you stay? Are you free from guilt now? We weren’t perfect, but I would have tried , goddamn it. I would have done anything. If you’d asked, I would have even let you go, just so Hannah and Leah wouldn’t have had to. I put my head down on my arms, and water sprayed over my back, bathing out the sorrow, leaving behind the wrath. I’m done being a victim. And if you’re not dead, you better hope to hell I never find you, Greg Barnes. Because I will follow you to the ends of the earth. I will make you look our children in the eyes when you tell them how you found it within you to leave us forever.

    I was toweling off in the bedroom when I heard the thumping of little feet. I looked up, and Hannah was standing at the foot of my bed, Leah in her shadow. Her smile told me I had made the right decision by inviting Drew for Christmas.
    “Uncle Drew is here,” she whispered as if revealing a secret.
    I arched my eyebrows at her. “Really?”
    She nodded, solemn and serious. “Can he stay for Christmas, Mommy? Please?”
    I fought a smile. “Well, you can’t ever put someone out on Christmas.”
    Uncertain if that was a yes or a no, Hannah stood one foot in our room, one foot in the hallway, shifting her weight back and forth with impatience.
    I put her out of her misery. “Yes. Yes, of course, Uncle Drew is here for Christmas.”
    And she was gone, down the steps as fast as her little feet could carry her, Leah close behind. “Uncle Drew! Uncle Drew! She said yes! You can stay!”
    I heard his whooping all the way upstairs. I laughed. For the first time in months, I felt confident I’d done something right. Drew was the distraction we all needed to get through the first Christmas without Greg. The first of many . I quelled the thought as I joined my family.

    The week passed quickly. I found that with Drew there, the air in the house was lighter