on a test.”
“Bullshit,” Cary says.
“I’m so brilliant, I’ve never had to.”
Everyone drinks except Harrison.
“I have never engaged in sexting,” Cary says.
Trace. Rhys. Trace freaks when he sees Grace reach for the bottle.
“With who?” he asks. Grace smiles and before she can answer, he says, “Wait. Forget it. I don’t want to know. Wait—one of my friends? Oh, Jesus, was it Robbie?” Grace’s smile gets wider and wider until he can’t look at her anymore. “I hope he’s fucking dead.”
“Sexting is really pedestrian anyway,” Rhys declares. “What happened to love letters? E-mails. Love e-mails, sorry.”
“Love letters now,” I say absently. “E-mail is over.”
“I just got a chill when you said that.”
Lily showed me a dirty text message she got once. It said something like I want to be inside you but it was text-speak: I want 2b inside u. It made me blush and she acted like it was nothing, like it was just her life that someone would say something like that to her.
“What’s it like out there?” Harrison asks.
I don’t realize what he’s asking and who he’s asking until I look up and find everyone’s gazes divided between me and Rhys. I look back down at the floor quickly because I want him to handle it. But he knows that. He knows that and he is still angry at me because he says, “I don’t know. What do you think, Sloane?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know either.”
“Yes you do,” Trace says. “Tell us what it’s like out there now.”
There’s a beat and then—
“Quiet.”
Rhys and I say it at the same time. It’s such a strange thing that it would be the first word out of our mouths. I look at him and he looks at me and I feel what happened out there will connect us for as long as we’re alive.
“It’s quiet,” Rhys says. “I can’t even describe it.”
They turn to me again, for confirmation, and I can only nod.
“What about when they came?” Grace asks. “I mean, I don’t understand how either of you made it back. Rhys said you were outnumbered but you made it and—” She stops and I know what she’s thinking. My parents were outnumbered. They didn’t make it. “You didn’t even get bitten.”
“I came close,” I say.
“Too close,” Cary mutters.
“They’re … they don’t think like we do, you guys know that,” Rhys says. “It was … it’s not like they work together. They’re dumb animals. They were fighting each other for Sloane and holding each other back. I just went at them while they were distracted. We got lucky.”
“The girl was persistent,” I say. As soon as I say it, I see her in my head, I see her eyes staring into mine and she’s hungry, I remember that hunger, but now I remember something else: a longing like … no—I’m imagining that. I make myself picture her again and this time it’s just hunger. That’s all there is, nothing more complicated than that. It’s so uncomplicated, I’d almost call it beautiful and that sounds wrong, but it’s true.
“Were you scared?” Grace asks me.
I can’t lie to her.
“No. I mean … I think when you know it’s really going to happen … that you’re really going to die, just … a part of you accepts it because there’s nothing else you can do.”
“Well, it probably helped that you were semi-conscious,” Rhys says. “I bet you’d have felt differently if you were really awake.”
“You think so? I don’t think so.”
Trace lets out an impressed whistle.
Grace says, “Well I couldn’t … I wouldn’t feel that way.”
“Do you—” Harrison stops. “Do you think they have souls?”
“Oh fuck,” Cary says. “Remember when we were playing I Never? That was a lot of fun and this is turning out not to be.”
Nobody says anything for a long time and then Grace reaches for the bottle.
“I’ve never stolen from my parents.”
“Really?” Trace asks.
He takes a drink. I take a drink. Cary takes a drink.
“Bullshit,” Cary says.
“I’m so brilliant, I’ve never had to.”
Everyone drinks except Harrison.
“I have never engaged in sexting,” Cary says.
Trace. Rhys. Trace freaks when he sees Grace reach for the bottle.
“With who?” he asks. Grace smiles and before she can answer, he says, “Wait. Forget it. I don’t want to know. Wait—one of my friends? Oh, Jesus, was it Robbie?” Grace’s smile gets wider and wider until he can’t look at her anymore. “I hope he’s fucking dead.”
“Sexting is really pedestrian anyway,” Rhys declares. “What happened to love letters? E-mails. Love e-mails, sorry.”
“Love letters now,” I say absently. “E-mail is over.”
“I just got a chill when you said that.”
Lily showed me a dirty text message she got once. It said something like I want to be inside you but it was text-speak: I want 2b inside u. It made me blush and she acted like it was nothing, like it was just her life that someone would say something like that to her.
“What’s it like out there?” Harrison asks.
I don’t realize what he’s asking and who he’s asking until I look up and find everyone’s gazes divided between me and Rhys. I look back down at the floor quickly because I want him to handle it. But he knows that. He knows that and he is still angry at me because he says, “I don’t know. What do you think, Sloane?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know either.”
“Yes you do,” Trace says. “Tell us what it’s like out there now.”
There’s a beat and then—
“Quiet.”
Rhys and I say it at the same time. It’s such a strange thing that it would be the first word out of our mouths. I look at him and he looks at me and I feel what happened out there will connect us for as long as we’re alive.
“It’s quiet,” Rhys says. “I can’t even describe it.”
They turn to me again, for confirmation, and I can only nod.
“What about when they came?” Grace asks. “I mean, I don’t understand how either of you made it back. Rhys said you were outnumbered but you made it and—” She stops and I know what she’s thinking. My parents were outnumbered. They didn’t make it. “You didn’t even get bitten.”
“I came close,” I say.
“Too close,” Cary mutters.
“They’re … they don’t think like we do, you guys know that,” Rhys says. “It was … it’s not like they work together. They’re dumb animals. They were fighting each other for Sloane and holding each other back. I just went at them while they were distracted. We got lucky.”
“The girl was persistent,” I say. As soon as I say it, I see her in my head, I see her eyes staring into mine and she’s hungry, I remember that hunger, but now I remember something else: a longing like … no—I’m imagining that. I make myself picture her again and this time it’s just hunger. That’s all there is, nothing more complicated than that. It’s so uncomplicated, I’d almost call it beautiful and that sounds wrong, but it’s true.
“Were you scared?” Grace asks me.
I can’t lie to her.
“No. I mean … I think when you know it’s really going to happen … that you’re really going to die, just … a part of you accepts it because there’s nothing else you can do.”
“Well, it probably helped that you were semi-conscious,” Rhys says. “I bet you’d have felt differently if you were really awake.”
“You think so? I don’t think so.”
Trace lets out an impressed whistle.
Grace says, “Well I couldn’t … I wouldn’t feel that way.”
“Do you—” Harrison stops. “Do you think they have souls?”
“Oh fuck,” Cary says. “Remember when we were playing I Never? That was a lot of fun and this is turning out not to be.”
Nobody says anything for a long time and then Grace reaches for the bottle.
“I’ve never stolen from my parents.”
“Really?” Trace asks.
He takes a drink. I take a drink. Cary takes a drink.
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