THIS Is Me... by Sarah Ann Walker Page B

moment I met you in person, I was done.  There was something about you I couldn't understand or deny.  I was so attracted to you that I was rather shocked by the intensity of my initial attraction.  And once you left your husband, I knew I had my opening with you.” 
  I don't even know what to say to this.  There are no words.  It's impossible for someone like him to feel like that for someone like me.  It doesn't make sense.  I'm just me, and he is SO him.
  “I really left Marcus?” I beg, instead of stating the obvious.
      “You really did, Suzanne.” 
      God, he says that with such conviction, I believe him totally, but it’s just so unbelievable that I would do such a thing.  What could've happened?
  “Do you know why I left him?” I beg.
  “I do, but I'd rather you talk to Marcus about that.  If you need me to tell you I will, but I feel like that’s Marcus' story to tell you.”
  “Okay, I'll ask him.  Thank you.”
  Nodding, he continues…
      “Suzanne, you were very intense and overwhelmed, and so scared by the events in your life that I instantly wanted to help you.  God, I just looked at you and I wanted to ease all your upset.  I wanted to be the man who eased you from your loneliness and from all your pain.  And I was that man for a very short period of time for you.
  “...There was such a sadness in you, and I needed to be the man who gave you some peace.  Not that the feelings were one-sided, because this time was exceptionally intense for me as well.  I was stunned by the depth of my feelings for you.  I was simply overcome with the need to protect you, and to just love you.  For me it was so fast.  It was way too fast and intense, and though I never fought my attraction to you, honestly, I was shocked by it.”
      As his words set in, I feel something stir inside me.  I’m not sure what it is, but I kind of hope it’s the return of my memories.
  “... You were just this little lost woman who I met, and within seconds I wanted to be everything to you.  I wanted to be your lover, of course, but I wanted more.  I wanted to be the man who helped you, and pleased you, and healed you.  I wanted to be the greatest love of your life.”  Oh My God!
     
      When there is only silence, I realize Z seems to be collecting himself.  He's shaking slightly, and he’s breathing heavier, and he also seems to be struggling with all this information, just like I am in this amazing moment. 
      It's like he's trying to hold back a little.  I wish I could help him, but I'm afraid if I speak he'll stop talking, and I really, really don't want him to stop speaking.  This is an amazing story to hear.
     
      “You became sick shortly after our first meeting, but not before I had fallen in love with you.  You became sick, and I became desperate to help you.  I needed to make you better.  I found I couldn't even function myself with you so rapidly declining.”
  “What was wrong with me?”  I whisper.
  “Well, you were having a nervous breakdown caused in part from a bleeding aneurism in your brain, which eventually ruptured.”  Really?  Wow. 
      “It was during this illness that you remembered things you had repressed and you became more sick.  It was also during this time of sickness that you met Mack, and shortly thereafter Kayla Rinaldi, the nurse from New York.”  So that’s how I met her. 
  “Suzanne, you were just so sick, and I couldn't help you, and you wouldn't let me help you.  And there was nothing I could do or say to make you let me help you.  You wouldn't see me because you needed distance between us while you recovered, so I stayed away.  Eventually, you were saved in the hospital, and you began to make your recovery.
  “... But during this time, I was out of my mind with grief.  Um, in your attempt to get well, you chose to push me away completely.  I know you didn't do it to hurt me, and I understood your need at the