This is Living (Living #1.5) by Melody Dawn Page A

bed.
    I hear Jayson come in and minutes later crawl into bed with me. Squirming to get comfortable, he offers to rub my back, which only seems to make it worse. Finally, I tell him to stop and the last thing I say before we went to sleep is the appointment is at 10:30 in the morning…and don’t be late. He gives me a kiss on the cheek and says he will be there.
    So, as I said, I’m ready for this pregnancy to be over and get my little girl…fingers crossed…here so we can bling it up together. That’s probably not an expression, but it’s what I call it.
    When I get to Dr. Gibbs, I sign in, and they call me back for my urine sample. I pull up my skirt and pull down my panties and I stare with my mouth open at the sight in front of me. There’s blood…not a lot, but definitely enough for a pad.
    I grab my phone and call Jayson…it rings three times and goes to voicemail. Fuck, fuck, fuck! In a daze, I pull up my panties and arrange my skirt. I tell myself to calm down because my heartbeat is so fast and I feel like I’m about to faint.
    Opening the door to the bathroom, I step out and the nurse says, “You didn’t do your sample.”
    I open my mouth to calmly tell her what happens and instead I scream, “There’s blood in my panties. Oh my God, there’s blood. And Jayson won’t answer the phone. I’m by myself. And there’s blood.”
    She sits me down immediately and takes my vitals. My blood pressure is through the roof as well as my pulse.
    Feeling the vomit crawling up my throat, I tell her, “I’m going to be sick.”
    “Breathe in and out, hon. Try and calm down. This could be nothing. Let’s get Dr. Gibbs so he can examine you.”
    We go into the exam room and I go through the ritual of taking my panties and skirt off. When I see the pad the nurse put on the table, I start praying. I bargain with God with everything I have, will have, and ever could have.
    Dr. Gibbs comes in and we talk for a moment. When I tell him of the horrible pain in my back last night, he looks concerned, but doesn’t say anything.
    “Lie back, Chloe, so I can examine you. Chances are it’s just your uterus stretching.”
    I can see he doesn’t believe his own words and it scares the hell out of me. I keep calling Jayson and it keeps going to voicemail.
    With a strained look on his face, Dr. Gibbs says, “Let me get the ultrasound unit. I just need to check something.”
    Vacillating between cursing and praying, I feel the tears coming down my cheeks. And I know it’s bad when the door opens and Mia walks in with Dr. Gibbs.
    He sets up the ultrasound unit and she takes my hand. Rubbing the wand over my belly, I wait for the whooshing sound. There’s nothing but silence.
    Mia clasps my hand tighter and I can’t keep the sobs in anymore. There’s noise in the room now except it’s not my precious baby’s heartbeat, it’s only the sound of my tears.
    Dr. Gibbs finally looks up at me and says, “Chloe…”
    I can’t let him say it. If he doesn’t say it, it’s not real. “No, no, no!”
    “Chloe…”
    I scream as I dial the phone, “Shut the fuck up! Don’t say it…it’s not real if you don’t say it!”
    Mia leans down and says, “Chloe, he has to tell you what is going on. You have to let him tell you.”
    I dial the phone one more time and this time it goes straight to voicemail. And this time, I leave a message. “I hate you. I will never forgive you for leaving me alone.”
    Ending the call, I look at my doctor and say in a numb voice, “Ok, go ahead and tell me.”
    “The back pain you felt was from the placenta separating from your uterus otherwise called a placenta abruption. It doesn’t allow the fetus to live; that’s why there’s no heartbeat.”
    Pain lances through my body and I literally jerk from the intensity of it.
    “You need to go over to the hospital. You’re far enough along that I have to do a D&C to remove the remaining tissue or you can get a severe infection.”
    I shake