butted full force, in my non-existent nuts.
My balls don’t realise they are fake and pain shoots up my groin straight into my stomach. The force of the blow causes me to double over while squealing “Son of a fucking…” but the curse dies on a gasp as I fall to my knees and curl up on my side. Goat feed rains down around me from the bucket that flew out of my hand.
I am all crippling pain, and wheezing gasps as the goats crowd around my body, munching away on anything they can find.
My eyes are squeezed shut, but I hear the collective gasp from the crowd, combined with children’s laughter and the groans of every male in the vicinity
“Oh my God, Harry, are you okay?”
“Ermaghhgonads.” Or something to that effect spills from my lips while I clutch at my crown jewels with one hand and my stomach with the other.
“Shoo, shoo.” Lilah attempts to move the animals away from me but they won’t budge. They are focussed on one thing only, food.
“Your bucket,” I grind out between my teeth. “Throw your bucket over there to draw them away.”
“Oh, good idea. Okay, I’m on it. Don’t move.”
As if I could fucking move.
She rushes away from my pathetic form, and I hear, “Hey goaty goats, come on over here and get some goodies.”
The goats start to thin out, and Lilah’s voice keeps trying to entice the rest of them away. “That’s right, over here. Lilah has some juicy slops for you.”
If I could, I would laugh, but I am in agony. Complete agony.
When I am able to open my eyes, I’m aware of a hulking figure standing over me. It’s Glenda the goat lover and she looks right pissed off. What’s her problem? It’s not her nuts that just got rammed up through her stomach and out her anus.
“Get up, you’ve caused a scene, and you’re scaring my goats.”
I blink up at her silhouette, unable to reply because fuck if I can get up on my knees right now, let alone my feet.
“Scaring your goats?” Lilah appears growling at Glenda’s side, and the expression she wears is fierce. If I wasn’t currently chewing on my nuts, I’d think it was hot.
“How dare you. How bloody dare you come over here and talk to him like that. You never bothered to help, and he’s injured because of your lack of care.” She puts her hands on her rounded hips, her face a picture of anger, “Get me a first aider and a manager, now.”
Glenda glares at the spitfire in front of her, and I’m not sure who is scarier. The butch and overly muscled goat lover or my feisty girl. The stare-off goes on for a few seconds until Glenda breaks eye contact, mumbling something under her breath.
I watch as Lilah’s eyes flair and her hand shoots out to stop the (wo)man mountain, walking away. “What did you just say?”
Glenda shakes her hand off and takes a step away, muttering “Townie idiots,” as she does.
I watch Lilah reach for her again, and I know I have to do something to stop this from escalating, but I’m still struggling to catch my breath, so I do what all men are good at when injured, I groan. Not just any normal groan, this is an epic ‘Im-about-to-die’ groan.
It does the trick and Lilah is soon leaning over me once more.
“I’m so sorry, Harry. Do you think I can help you up?”
She reaches down and offers me her hand, and I suck in a deep breath and let go of my nadgers long enough to grab it.
Using strength that I didn’t know I had, I slowly get to my knees, and then up onto my unsteady feet, but the urge to barf is still strong. I bet I’m that attractive green colour that I’ve seen other blokes go when they’ve taken a hit to their family allowance. I think my mother has that same shade in her downstairs toilet.
“Can you walk?” Lilah’s concern is written all over her face, from her furrowed brow, to her glassy eyes.
“Yeah, I think so. Let’s just… go slow, okay?”
My first step is met with rapturous applause and I look up to see all the families who witnessed my
My balls don’t realise they are fake and pain shoots up my groin straight into my stomach. The force of the blow causes me to double over while squealing “Son of a fucking…” but the curse dies on a gasp as I fall to my knees and curl up on my side. Goat feed rains down around me from the bucket that flew out of my hand.
I am all crippling pain, and wheezing gasps as the goats crowd around my body, munching away on anything they can find.
My eyes are squeezed shut, but I hear the collective gasp from the crowd, combined with children’s laughter and the groans of every male in the vicinity
“Oh my God, Harry, are you okay?”
“Ermaghhgonads.” Or something to that effect spills from my lips while I clutch at my crown jewels with one hand and my stomach with the other.
“Shoo, shoo.” Lilah attempts to move the animals away from me but they won’t budge. They are focussed on one thing only, food.
“Your bucket,” I grind out between my teeth. “Throw your bucket over there to draw them away.”
“Oh, good idea. Okay, I’m on it. Don’t move.”
As if I could fucking move.
She rushes away from my pathetic form, and I hear, “Hey goaty goats, come on over here and get some goodies.”
The goats start to thin out, and Lilah’s voice keeps trying to entice the rest of them away. “That’s right, over here. Lilah has some juicy slops for you.”
If I could, I would laugh, but I am in agony. Complete agony.
When I am able to open my eyes, I’m aware of a hulking figure standing over me. It’s Glenda the goat lover and she looks right pissed off. What’s her problem? It’s not her nuts that just got rammed up through her stomach and out her anus.
“Get up, you’ve caused a scene, and you’re scaring my goats.”
I blink up at her silhouette, unable to reply because fuck if I can get up on my knees right now, let alone my feet.
“Scaring your goats?” Lilah appears growling at Glenda’s side, and the expression she wears is fierce. If I wasn’t currently chewing on my nuts, I’d think it was hot.
“How dare you. How bloody dare you come over here and talk to him like that. You never bothered to help, and he’s injured because of your lack of care.” She puts her hands on her rounded hips, her face a picture of anger, “Get me a first aider and a manager, now.”
Glenda glares at the spitfire in front of her, and I’m not sure who is scarier. The butch and overly muscled goat lover or my feisty girl. The stare-off goes on for a few seconds until Glenda breaks eye contact, mumbling something under her breath.
I watch as Lilah’s eyes flair and her hand shoots out to stop the (wo)man mountain, walking away. “What did you just say?”
Glenda shakes her hand off and takes a step away, muttering “Townie idiots,” as she does.
I watch Lilah reach for her again, and I know I have to do something to stop this from escalating, but I’m still struggling to catch my breath, so I do what all men are good at when injured, I groan. Not just any normal groan, this is an epic ‘Im-about-to-die’ groan.
It does the trick and Lilah is soon leaning over me once more.
“I’m so sorry, Harry. Do you think I can help you up?”
She reaches down and offers me her hand, and I suck in a deep breath and let go of my nadgers long enough to grab it.
Using strength that I didn’t know I had, I slowly get to my knees, and then up onto my unsteady feet, but the urge to barf is still strong. I bet I’m that attractive green colour that I’ve seen other blokes go when they’ve taken a hit to their family allowance. I think my mother has that same shade in her downstairs toilet.
“Can you walk?” Lilah’s concern is written all over her face, from her furrowed brow, to her glassy eyes.
“Yeah, I think so. Let’s just… go slow, okay?”
My first step is met with rapturous applause and I look up to see all the families who witnessed my
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