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teen fiction,
ya fiction,
ya novel,
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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder,
ptsd,
teen lit,
teenlit
a hand on my shoulder until we get to Ms. DeSilvaâs office. Then he takes a deep breath and pushes me like a battering ram through the door.
I donât remember a ton about Amy DeSilva except that she was nice to me, she didnât say mean things about my mom, and she never told me things would be okay just to have something to say.
She looks exactly like she did five years ago. She still has that middle-aged-woman hairstyle you have to go to a salon to getâall puffy and curled. Only Kevin and I look different.
âLook at you,â she says, holding my arms out. Kevin smirks, but I wish I could see what sheâs seeing. I canât imagine anything about me that would make her so happy.
I try to smile back, but I just end up biting on my lip as she leans over and gives Kevin a hug and gestures for us to sit down.
âSo, I know this isnât how you boys want to spend this afternoon, but we all have to follow the law. The court has granted your fatherâs petition for this supervised meeting, and I wanted to go over what will happen and make sure you donât have any questions.â
A hundred million questions all rush to the front of my head, each of them yelling âPick me! Pick me!â Iâm determined not to let a single word escape my lips. If I start talking, I wonât be able to stop. And if that happens, Iâm afraid Iâm going to start talking about what happened on The Night Before and thereâs no way Iâm letting that happen.
I start snapping my bracelet and donât quit until Kevin leans over and knocks me on the leg. Then I sit on my hand, but I can still feel the muscles jerking.
Ms. DeSilva leans over her desk and clasps her hands together. Her nails are a deep shiny red that match the carpet. âGordie, your father is going to be here in about fifteen minutes. Iâm going to have my assistant take him straight into the conference room and let me know when heâs there. Then Iâll take you in. Iâm afraid that Kevin is going to have to wait outside, but Iâll be in there with you and Iâll stay there for the whole visit. Okay?â
She looks at me, waiting for me to tell her itâs okay, but nothing about this is okay. I manage a nod, but itâs a struggle. I donât want to go in there looking like I really give a damn.
She obviously notices because she offers me something to drink. I canât imagine being able to hold anything down, so I shake my head again.
âI know you havenât seen your father in a long time, so this meeting will be short and weâll keep things casual, okay? Weâll just see how it goes.â
Then she looks at Kevin. âAre there any questions I can answer, or do the two of you need a few minutes?â
I have no intention of opening my mouth. Of course, Kevin canât keep quiet. âThanks. I think some time might be good, Ms. DeSilva,â he says.
She gets up and gathers her papers. âYou know, I think it would be all right if you called me Amy. You arenât little boys anymore.â
Kevin nods. Aside from Jim, Iâve never called adults by their first names. Even with Jim, itâs easier not to call him anything at all.
The door lock clicks as she closes it.
Kevin turns his chair to face mine. âYou can do this, Gordie. Itâs just twenty minutes.â
I nod, even though âtwenty minutesâ with my father sounds like a lifetime.
âGive me your watch.â He holds his hand out and I undo the strap and hand it to him. He fiddles around with it and gives it back. I donât look at it when I put it back on.
âAre you going to talk to him at all?â Kevin asks. He sounds calm, but heâs running his hand through his hair like itâs an animal heâs trying to tame.
I try really hard to wrap my lips around one word, to say âNo,â but my plan has taken over my brain. I shake my head.
He
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