families. So don’t sit here and pretend that you can understand me… or any of us. You can’t! You want to live this fairytale dream that things will change for us one day, but they won’t! Toombs is just the tip of a bigger problem that you can’t even begin to understand. So don’t even fucking try! Okay?” Malik trembled with pent up anger.
I started to reach out to him, but realized quickly that I needed to keep my distance. I couldn’t hide the fear that had suddenly welled up in me. “Malik, I know you’re upset,” I said with a soothing tone, trying to keep him calm.
Grabbing the sides of his head with his hands, he raked his fingers across his closely-shaved hair. “I’m more than fucking upset! I’m pissed the fuck off! I’m sick of him. I’m sick of you. I’m sick of this place. I’m sick of everything!”
“Listen, try to calm down.” I looked nervously around my office. I’d never been in a situation like this before. I knew I had a panic button under my desk, but my desk was across the room. I would have to pass by Malik first to get to it. Dammit, I should have sat closer to my desk. I realized I shouldn’t have told Officer Harris, his escorting officer, to keep his distance because my kids didn’t open up to me when they felt like there were listening ears. I just didn’t realize Malik would flip out like he did. “It’s okay. We can work through this,” I said in soothing tone.
“It’s not fucking okay. Don’t even say that. You have no idea what I deal with every fucking day!” Malik clenched his fists by his side. The veins in his neck bulged, and his jaw muscles twitched when he clenched his teeth.
Panic overwhelmed me. By then I was looking for any way to calm him down. “You’re right,” I assured him. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
I knew if I screamed, the guards would bust down the door and snatch him up like a rag doll. But if I did that, I’d be right back at square one with him. He wouldn’t trust me and I will have lost him forever. No reform. No breakthrough. It just wasn’t worth it. I rose from my chair, slinking behind it and standing there as if its tiny frame would protect me. “Malik, look, we can handle this. Getting angry and out of control isn’t going to help. Please. I need you to calm down. I want to understand where you’re coming from.”
I could practically see the steam spewing from Malik’s ears. The corners of his mouth twitched with rage. His glowering eyes glared through me as if he didn’t even recognize me. He jumped up from his seat, towering over me with his finger in my face. “Why don’t you shut the fuck up, bitch! Just shut the fuck up before I punch my fist straight down your throat. Don’t tell me to fucking calm down!”
I knew it was too late—too late to scream, move, or hit that panic button. Dammit! Before I could react, Malik grabbed me and had me by my throat against the wall of my office.
“I don’t need your shit too…” he hissed in my ear. I gasped for breath, my fingers frantically clawing at his hand around my windpipe. I writhed and kicked, trying to break free.
Malik sucked in a deep breath through his nose, grinding his teeth. His demeanor reminded me of a bull ready to charge. Shit! He was strong—stronger than I ever imagined.
“Please,” I gurgled. “Please, Malik.” The searing pain of his calloused hands on the soft skin of my throat stung my skin. Where the hell was the guard? He must have stepped too far away from my office to hear the scuffle. Why? Why in the hell had I told him to do that? I should have known better than to put myself at risk! Help! My mind screamed, but the sound of my voice was cut off by the hands gripping my throat. Oh god, please!
Malik held me up against the wall high enough that my toes scraped the ground, but not low enough to catch my footing. I scrambled, trying to alleviate the pressure on my throat. My oxygen was quickly running out. All I
I started to reach out to him, but realized quickly that I needed to keep my distance. I couldn’t hide the fear that had suddenly welled up in me. “Malik, I know you’re upset,” I said with a soothing tone, trying to keep him calm.
Grabbing the sides of his head with his hands, he raked his fingers across his closely-shaved hair. “I’m more than fucking upset! I’m pissed the fuck off! I’m sick of him. I’m sick of you. I’m sick of this place. I’m sick of everything!”
“Listen, try to calm down.” I looked nervously around my office. I’d never been in a situation like this before. I knew I had a panic button under my desk, but my desk was across the room. I would have to pass by Malik first to get to it. Dammit, I should have sat closer to my desk. I realized I shouldn’t have told Officer Harris, his escorting officer, to keep his distance because my kids didn’t open up to me when they felt like there were listening ears. I just didn’t realize Malik would flip out like he did. “It’s okay. We can work through this,” I said in soothing tone.
“It’s not fucking okay. Don’t even say that. You have no idea what I deal with every fucking day!” Malik clenched his fists by his side. The veins in his neck bulged, and his jaw muscles twitched when he clenched his teeth.
Panic overwhelmed me. By then I was looking for any way to calm him down. “You’re right,” I assured him. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
I knew if I screamed, the guards would bust down the door and snatch him up like a rag doll. But if I did that, I’d be right back at square one with him. He wouldn’t trust me and I will have lost him forever. No reform. No breakthrough. It just wasn’t worth it. I rose from my chair, slinking behind it and standing there as if its tiny frame would protect me. “Malik, look, we can handle this. Getting angry and out of control isn’t going to help. Please. I need you to calm down. I want to understand where you’re coming from.”
I could practically see the steam spewing from Malik’s ears. The corners of his mouth twitched with rage. His glowering eyes glared through me as if he didn’t even recognize me. He jumped up from his seat, towering over me with his finger in my face. “Why don’t you shut the fuck up, bitch! Just shut the fuck up before I punch my fist straight down your throat. Don’t tell me to fucking calm down!”
I knew it was too late—too late to scream, move, or hit that panic button. Dammit! Before I could react, Malik grabbed me and had me by my throat against the wall of my office.
“I don’t need your shit too…” he hissed in my ear. I gasped for breath, my fingers frantically clawing at his hand around my windpipe. I writhed and kicked, trying to break free.
Malik sucked in a deep breath through his nose, grinding his teeth. His demeanor reminded me of a bull ready to charge. Shit! He was strong—stronger than I ever imagined.
“Please,” I gurgled. “Please, Malik.” The searing pain of his calloused hands on the soft skin of my throat stung my skin. Where the hell was the guard? He must have stepped too far away from my office to hear the scuffle. Why? Why in the hell had I told him to do that? I should have known better than to put myself at risk! Help! My mind screamed, but the sound of my voice was cut off by the hands gripping my throat. Oh god, please!
Malik held me up against the wall high enough that my toes scraped the ground, but not low enough to catch my footing. I scrambled, trying to alleviate the pressure on my throat. My oxygen was quickly running out. All I
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