we remember having done? How will I forget that to save your life I must destroy it?
“Of course not,” said the man. “We dump the memories back into your head as soon as you come out of somec.”
“Don't you love me?” Mother asked.
The Colonies man looked ballied.
“She's talking to me,” said Jase. “I love you, Mother.”
“Then why won't you be there when I wake up?”
Desperate, Jason turned to the one strategy he hadn't tried. The truth. “Because I can't spend my life taking care of you.”
“Of course not,” Mother said. “After all, I only spent my life taking care of you. ”
The Colonies man was getting impatient. “Your palm, lady.”
She slapped her palm down brutally on the reader. “I'll go, you little bastard! But you're going with me! Sign him on, he's coming with me!”
“You don't want me with you, Mother,” said Jase softly.
“Enter your number, please,” said the man. The Colonies were used to getting unwilling people. He didn't care whether Jason went happily or not.
So Jase entered the man's own personal code, Of course it didn't check out. But Jase knew they printed the incorrect code on the screen, and the Colonies man recognized it.
“How did you—” began the man. Then his eyes narrowed.
“Get out,” he said. “Get out of here.”
Jase was only too glad to obey.
“I hate you!” called his mother after him. “You're worse than your father,”I'll hate you forever!
May that hatred keep you alive, thought Jason. May that hatred keep you sane. You can't hate me any worse than I hate myself. I am Radamand. All that he could do, I could do. Haven't I killed my mother here today? Taken her out of the world. To save her life, yes. But then why didn't I go with her? I am Radamand, remaking the world, breaking and bending other lives to fit myself. I ought to die, I hope I die.
He meant it. He wanted to die. But even as he thought it, he scanned the minds of the people near him in the corridor. None was looking for him; He still had a chance to get away. And despite his feelings of despair, he would go on trying to escape until he succeeded, or until he was caught. So much for willing death.
But how could he get anywhere? The moment he palmed a reader he'd tell where he was. To eat, to travel, to talk to Gracie, anything he might do that was worth doing would alert Mother's Little Boys, and they'd find him. Worse, he was legally an orphan now, since this mother had irrevocably signed on with the Colonies. It made him a ward of the state, and he could legally be searched for and found by anyone, without the lengthy legal process of showing cause. Until he could get himself enlisted with the Fleet, he was vulnerable.
He used a booth and talked to Gracie, just long enough to get a directory and find the location of the nearest recruiting station. It was a good long worm ride to get there. Not as far as Radamand had been, but far enough. Did he dare?
His question was answered almost immediately. Leaving the booth, he again scanned the people near him—and one of them was one of Mother's Little Boys, coming to get him at the booth. He ducked into a crowd and left him behind. For once he was glad he was still small—he disappeared and turned a corner, all the while keeping the man's thoughts in his mind. Lost him, thought the man. Lost him.
But they were looking, and it had taken only a few minutes at the booth before one of Mother's Little Boys had reached him. He couldn't ride a worm. Even if he palmed the reader and immediately got aboard, the worm would hardly have finished acceleration before they got to him. So he had to walk. It was two hundred levels above him and four subs away. There was no hope of reaching there before tomorrow. In that time he would have nothing to eat—only water could be had without palming for it. And where would he sleep?
In one of the twenty-meter parks, under a tree. The lawn was artificial, but the tree was real, and the
“Of course not,” said the man. “We dump the memories back into your head as soon as you come out of somec.”
“Don't you love me?” Mother asked.
The Colonies man looked ballied.
“She's talking to me,” said Jase. “I love you, Mother.”
“Then why won't you be there when I wake up?”
Desperate, Jason turned to the one strategy he hadn't tried. The truth. “Because I can't spend my life taking care of you.”
“Of course not,” Mother said. “After all, I only spent my life taking care of you. ”
The Colonies man was getting impatient. “Your palm, lady.”
She slapped her palm down brutally on the reader. “I'll go, you little bastard! But you're going with me! Sign him on, he's coming with me!”
“You don't want me with you, Mother,” said Jase softly.
“Enter your number, please,” said the man. The Colonies were used to getting unwilling people. He didn't care whether Jason went happily or not.
So Jase entered the man's own personal code, Of course it didn't check out. But Jase knew they printed the incorrect code on the screen, and the Colonies man recognized it.
“How did you—” began the man. Then his eyes narrowed.
“Get out,” he said. “Get out of here.”
Jase was only too glad to obey.
“I hate you!” called his mother after him. “You're worse than your father,”I'll hate you forever!
May that hatred keep you alive, thought Jason. May that hatred keep you sane. You can't hate me any worse than I hate myself. I am Radamand. All that he could do, I could do. Haven't I killed my mother here today? Taken her out of the world. To save her life, yes. But then why didn't I go with her? I am Radamand, remaking the world, breaking and bending other lives to fit myself. I ought to die, I hope I die.
He meant it. He wanted to die. But even as he thought it, he scanned the minds of the people near him in the corridor. None was looking for him; He still had a chance to get away. And despite his feelings of despair, he would go on trying to escape until he succeeded, or until he was caught. So much for willing death.
But how could he get anywhere? The moment he palmed a reader he'd tell where he was. To eat, to travel, to talk to Gracie, anything he might do that was worth doing would alert Mother's Little Boys, and they'd find him. Worse, he was legally an orphan now, since this mother had irrevocably signed on with the Colonies. It made him a ward of the state, and he could legally be searched for and found by anyone, without the lengthy legal process of showing cause. Until he could get himself enlisted with the Fleet, he was vulnerable.
He used a booth and talked to Gracie, just long enough to get a directory and find the location of the nearest recruiting station. It was a good long worm ride to get there. Not as far as Radamand had been, but far enough. Did he dare?
His question was answered almost immediately. Leaving the booth, he again scanned the people near him—and one of them was one of Mother's Little Boys, coming to get him at the booth. He ducked into a crowd and left him behind. For once he was glad he was still small—he disappeared and turned a corner, all the while keeping the man's thoughts in his mind. Lost him, thought the man. Lost him.
But they were looking, and it had taken only a few minutes at the booth before one of Mother's Little Boys had reached him. He couldn't ride a worm. Even if he palmed the reader and immediately got aboard, the worm would hardly have finished acceleration before they got to him. So he had to walk. It was two hundred levels above him and four subs away. There was no hope of reaching there before tomorrow. In that time he would have nothing to eat—only water could be had without palming for it. And where would he sleep?
In one of the twenty-meter parks, under a tree. The lawn was artificial, but the tree was real, and the
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