The World of Karl Pilkington

The World of Karl Pilkington by Karl Pilkington, Stephen Merchant, Ricky Gervais Page B

Book: The World of Karl Pilkington by Karl Pilkington, Stephen Merchant, Ricky Gervais Read Free Book Online
Authors: Karl Pilkington, Stephen Merchant, Ricky Gervais
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You’d go, ‘WHAT YOU DOING!?’
    Karl: I just don’t understand why they don’t teach you how to do it yourself.
    Ricky: How can they? Imagine you, squatting in a corner with one hand on your bollocks and the other finger up your arse going, ‘That seems to be alright.’
    Steve: Karl, you don’t understand the phrase ‘a stitch in time saves nine’. I don’t think you should be doing any kind of invasive medical research inside your own body.
    Karl: But … but …
    Steve: Who knows what trouble you’re gonna cause?
    Ricky: You would get stuck.
    Steve: When Suzanne came home, your fist would be up your own arse.
    Ricky laughs .

     

 

‘You don’t go floating about, d’you? You stay in your seat.’
     
      Steve: Have you seen this? Virgin are plugging ‘Virgin Galactic’. I think it’s something like
£
200,000 and you’ll get a chance to go in a space shuttle into space. Now I don’t know what your feelings are, Rick, I know you’ve got a bit of cash in the bank.
    Ricky: A trip into space? I don’t know about that. There are things that I would spend
£
200,000 on as a little folly. An individual jet pack for example. I’d do that, I would like to see the earth from a couple of hundred miles up. The other thing is safety because I’m worried. I want to see a lot of people go up there first. I wouldn’t have been the first bloke to go on an aeroplane. I would want to see a few pioneers go, ‘It’s really safe’ before I got on.
    Steve: Well, I believe the actress Victoria Principal is volunteering herself. I think she used to be in Dynasty or Dallas .
    Ricky: Well, I’ll see what happens to her.
    Steve: Yeah, if Vicky P comes back alright – rather than those monkeys they sent up years ago – then we’ll all be a lot more relaxed.

    Ricky: Exactly. If they put electrodes on her and it all works out fine I’m interested.
    Steve: There’ll be a banana chute issuing bananas and there’ll be buttons, ‘press left’, ‘press right’.
    Ricky: Karl, thoughts?
    Karl: Go into space? It’s not worth it.
    Steve: Wouldn’t it be a fascinating experience, to go into space and look back at the earth?
    Karl: There’s nowt there though, is they?
    Steve: ‘There’s nowt there though, is they?’ Say that again.
    Karl: Well there’s nowt there though, is they?
    Steve: Right.
    Karl: At what point are you meant to be happy? You’re floating about up there but you don’t get out, do you?
    Steve: What, you mean to do some duty-free shopping?
    Karl: You don’t go floating about, d’you? You stay in your seat.
    Steve: You want to get out into space?
    Karl: Yes, but that’s what I’m saying. When you go on holiday, the flight bit isn’t the best bit of the holiday, is it? That’s the bit you’ve got to do. So what I’msaying is, you’ve got to stay on the spaceship and then you go back home. So you don’t take any luggage. I don’t see the point.
    Steve: You think they’ll make you sit in the same clothes for the whole time?
    Karl: What is the point?
    Ricky: I think it’s two things. I think it’s the view and being able to be part of an exclusive club. ‘I went into space.’ It’s all that about man conquering nature and you’re one of that elite few that manage to pop up, see the world from a distance that no one else can see it from and then pop down.
    Karl: So all that way, just for the view?
    Ricky: Yes.
    Karl: Is it worth it? I mean there’s a lot of other places I haven’t seen before I think about that. I haven’t been to Scotland yet. I’m not being funny but d’you know what I mean? So just have a look in your back garden before you go looking in someone else’s.
    Steve: Karl, if you did go into space what would make the trip worthwhile for you?
    Ricky: I know the answer, Steve. He’s thinking, ‘I’d like to meet some aliens that can talk like I do and I can understand ’em and they can tell me summit like “Oh, we met God, He was all right”.’ That’s what

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