The Women of Duck Commander by Kay Robertson, Jessica Robertson Page A

that time was different. I had had enough. I finally stood up for myself and told him that if he ever touched me again I would tell my dad and my dad would kill him. I am positive I was right about that.
    After many years, I did tell my mother about the abuse because she babysat my grandchildren and I wanted to make sure they were protected. I also forgave the abuser eventually, but not for a long time—and not without first being personally devastated, not without deeply wounding the people I love most, and not withoutultimately going through a powerful experience of having someone forgive me.
    U NFORTUNATELY , I T’S N OT U NCOMMON
    As I thought about writing this book, I wanted to share about the abuse for a couple of reasons. First, what happened to me happens to many, many people. It’s tragic, but it’s common. Second, I want all abuse survivors to know they have hope. They can have hope for complete healing, hope for great relationships, and hope for a wonderful life, free from the lingering effects of the trauma they have suffered. I say this with complete confidence because after a lot of help from special people and a lot of healing from God, it happened for me.
    Sexual abuse is always physically damaging; it’s also emotionally damaging, and most people recognize that. I would like to add that for me, it was mentally damaging. Let me explain. Being abused did something to the way I thought about myself and about men in general. It set in motion some unhealthy thought processes that took root in my mind without my knowledge—and certainly without my agreement—and stayed in place for many years. To put it simply, I unconsciously began to believe my purpose in life was to please men. Therefore, because the abuse happened at such a young age, I never developed a healthy sense of identity and purpose for myself. This helps explain a lot of the bad choices I made while I was dating.Please understand that I take full responsibility for the wrong life choices I made. I did those things to the ones I loved. I committed those sins. But I do want you to understand that the sins of others can damage our thought processes.
    A C RISIS P OINT AND A T URNING P OINT
    When I married Alan, I did not understand how faulty my thinking was, and I had no idea it would eventually lead to trouble in our relationship. In the late 1990s, for various reasons, I had an affair. It lasted fourteen months. Alan was devastated and eventually, so was I. When he first began to suspect something, I denied it. When Alan discovered hard evidence of my behavior, I finally broke down and told him everything. He asked me to leave our home and to tell our two daughters why I was leaving.
    Alan was pastor of a large church at this time and though he did not ask me to do it, I decided to face the congregation one Sunday morning and tell everyone what I had done. I knew that in order to break the power of my behavior and to truly have strength to change my ways, I had to be accountable, and I chose to be accountable to a lot of people that day.
    Our church loved me and surrounded me, although many of them were angry with me because of how I had hurt Alan. The Robertson family had every reason to be furious with me, and they were deeply hurt over the way I had treated Alan, but after some time, they handled the situation in a godly way. I always tell people Miss Kay is a gentle person, and I know that maybe better than anyone.Even though I caused her and the whole family great pain, she always treated me with gentleness during that terrible time.
    In the aftermath of my confession, a special group of women spent time with me every evening and we studied the Bible and prayed for a new path for my life. One night after one of our group meetings, I was baptized in a friend’s pool and felt relief and renewal and hope for the first time in a long, long time. The period of separation from Alan gave me a time of reflection that forced me to finally turn