The Wedding Bet by Cupideros

business occurred in London? Or because all your living experiences were left in London?”
    “Neither of the two. I’m simply a chap who saw your ad in Horsemen Today’s Magazine.” He paused, parking his top hat slowly to the kitchen table. “May I?”
    “Sure. I love a man with manners.”
    The conservative gentlemen continued, “Over here there is a considerable lack of manners.”
    “Thieves, criminals, whores and pickpockets who settled this land wanted to forget everything we knew before in England. Reducing the passenger loads made the ships sail faster.” I tried hard not to crack a smile.
    “Those days carried the burdens of a growing industrialized society.”
    “Materialized society. But I really, really want to see if you constitute marriage material.” I crossed my arms over my chest and sat up straight. I sure he got mixed messages. I, too, realized I was sending them to myself. I had done so well so far.
    “I have done so well so far,” said my English Conservative suitor, dressed in his Victorian attire.
    “Don’t take it too serious. I wanted to see if you had a sense of humor.”
    “I don’t see why.” He paused. “What would it mean if I had one?”
    “I don’t know, but every girl and woman on the planet wants a man with a sense of humor. Although,” I sat upright. “It does seem that even those men with a sense of humor still beat their wives and girlfriends. The marriage numbers suggested that. I really want such terrible violence to stop. Stop yesterday. Stop today. Men should be more mature don’t you think—”
    “My name is English Shelby Lauser.”
    “Don’t you think so, Mr. English Lauser?”
    “I quite agree. I’m interested in a woman who loves to travel. Is intelligent and capable of serving meals to a large compliment of the social guest I meet on a monthly basis.”
    “You’re offering me a job as a caterer, Mr. Lauser?”
    “No. I’m afraid I’ve confused the situation.” He sat back and turned and looked at the closed door of the adjoining room.
    “That’s the vampire room. But I’m not one of them.”
    “Yes. Thanks for answering that question. There would be quite a scandal if you arose in the night to bite one of the many laudable guests in my castle in Wales.”
    “What exactly do you want, Mr. English Lauser?”
    “In a mate or a caterer?”
    Maybe both, I heard myself thinking silently. He was about forty years old. His hair graying at the temples. His blue eyes seemed alive with information and scenes of places from around the world. However, he carried a gold cane and his expensive watch really sent the common butterflies in my stomach all a fluttering in alarm.
    “In a mate first?” I finally voiced out loud.
    “Very well.”
    “I’ll start off with a question.” I unfolded my white sheet of paper. I perused the questions already checked off. Then I matched the remaining some ninety question to the personality of Mr. English Lauser. “What would make you happy Mr. Lauser?”
    “Happiness. What could cause happiness to stir in my soul?” He pondered and rubbed the little tuff of black and grey pointed beard on his strong chin. “Love. Yes. If I could find true love.”
    “I’m looking for true love.” I offered because it was the responsible way to play this game. I couldn’t pull the rug from under him. He seemed right in some ways. Not too young and dangerous; not too old and retiring. “But what is true love? What are its qualities?’
    “The woman would be kind, gentle, and soft, a bit on the sexy side. She’d love a bit rumble in the hay as it were.”
    “Only a bit of rumbling in the hay?” I questioned. It sounded like he wanted some girl who screwed only when he wanted to screw. “I have sexual needs. Would it make you happy, if I approached you for sex?”
    “Yes, of course. But there are times when the man should take the lead.”
    “I don’t mind that as long as I get my chance to lead as well.”
    “Two