The Violet Line by Bilinda Ni Siodacain

and I could feel my fear beginning to claw its way up my throat. I thought that at any second it might claw its way out of my mouth and land on the bed, rolling around and screaming in panic. I watched as every so often he would stop to push his hands through his hair. I couldn’t take it anymore; all his pacing and silent brooding was making it worse. Jumping from the bed and grabbing him by the forearm, I pulled him around to look at me.
    “ What’s wrong, Sam? Tell me; is it something else about them? Watching you do this to yourself is killing me. Just tell me; we’ll figure it out!” I could see the anguish in his eyes as he answered me.
    “ It’s over, Jade.”
    I recoiled as though he had physically slapped me. My heart broke into a million pieces of screaming sorrow; I could feel it littering the cavity of my chest as though someone had thrown confetti everywhere. I remembered the paper I had watched falling into the bin the other day and my thoughts of confetti, but they had been happy times – before all this had happened. I could feel myself crumbling; all of this happened in a matter of seconds. My entire world fell off its axis when he spoke those words.
    “ W-what – do – you mean?” I stumbled as he grabbed me by the shoulders to stop me from pitching forward.
    “ I don’t want to do this. You must understand this, Jade; I love you. But they’re going to destroy us.”
    I suddenly didn’t feel so terrible; I might be able to stop him from doing something stupid after all.
    “ I don’t care what they want to try and do. Let them try it; I’m not afraid of them. I can’t lose you; that would destroy me. Sam, please.” My voice came out braver than I was inside but I could feel the conviction within my own heart.
    “ Jade, always so brave. I’m not afraid of them either. Your love has made me want to face whatever I have to; even death itself doesn’t daunt me. But I can’t lose you and I won’t let them have you. As long as I can protect you, I will. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, even if it means that the best thing for you is if I’m not with you anymore.” His words were beginning to really scare me. They had a fatal ring to them, almost as though he was preparing me for the end and that in his own head, he was already gone.
    “ I don’t believe this; you know I’m safer with you. We’re stronger together!” I grabbed his face with my hands, pulling his lips towards mine. I felt his breath, cold as it fanned against my fevered face. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me against him, moulding our bodies together. Our mouths crushed together. The kiss was savage and passion embodied. All the pain and anguish of his words; I allowed it all to pour into our kiss. I pulled him closer still, as though I might breathe him in, become one so we could never be separated. He wouldn’t let the kiss deepen and pulled out of my grip, letting me go so suddenly that I stumbled. He stood with his back to me; his shoulders set stiffly, his body unmoving and rigid.
    “ We can’t do this, Jade; it’s too late. It was a mistake for us to become involved with each other. But that’s done and now I’m going to fix it. You won’t see me again.”
    “ Wait! Don’t leave me, Sam. Please; I’m in love with you. Does that mean so little to you that you can just walk away from me, from us?”
    He turned to face me. Tears glistened on his alabaster skin like diamonds; they rolled down his cheeks, falling and hitting his shirt, leaving little dark stains like the spreading of blood from a broken heart.
    “ I won’t destroy you, Jade; I love you too much. That’s why I have to do this. I won’t let them use me to kill you. I can’t; I’ll die first.” His voice cracked and broke over his words.
    “ You mean you’re going to kill me if you stay because they said so?” My voice sounded incredulous as I tried to fathom what he had just told me.
    “ Yes. If I stay, you will