Transition has been extremely difficult. I have nightmares almost nightly and migraine headaches every other day. I donât have any friends beside my close family because I feel like I canât relate to anyone. I did try to kill my self three years ago before the birth of my daughter. I spent a month in a mental institution. I have almost no short-term memory. I canât do school at all I have failed out of every class almost. I use to be smart but since my several traumatic brain injures I canât do much besides housework and raising my daughter. The only way I sleep is by pills. I take pills for everything my extreme anger, depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. I was way to young to experience the death of all my friends. I donât want to get close to any one because I donât want to have anymore hurt in my life. I canât be away from my family for any long period of time with out having extreme panic attacks and anxiety because I am not there standing guard over the people I have left to love. I am not normal I am in a different reality then the majority of easy going Americans. I wake up every morning hurting in my hips, back, shoulders, and head. I wonder how it is going to be when I am thirty years old. I am only twenty-four and have lived a life I wish on no one. The bright and shining star in my life and the reason I get up and go thru the routines is to watch the innocent of my daughter. I look forward to hearing from you. Sincerely,
James Sperry
Within a few seconds of my knocking, Sperry arrives at the door wearing a T-shirt and jeans and socks but no shoes. Heâs accompanied by two dogs, Carly, a newly acquired, rambunctious bull terrier that his daughter, Hannah, named after the popular Nickelodeon program iCarly , and a spanielâSaint Bernard mix named Everett, who, like Sperry, is shuffling along and showing a bit more age than he has.
We shake hands. I tell Sperry he looks better than the last time I saw him, through the viewfinder of my camera. He laughs, but Everett backs away. I reach out a hand, palm down, for him to sniff, but heâs wary, moving down the hallway away from me. When I stand upright, he lets out several deep woofs.
âWow,â Sperry says, surprised, âthatâs really strange. Iâve never seen him bark at anyone . . . ever.â
Iâm just as surprised. Iâve had dogs for a good portion of my life and understand the techniques for lowering their sense of threat level. But perhaps Everett has absorbed some of Sperryâs postwar hypervigilance, a common symptom, according to psychologists and psychiatrists, of combat veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. It is, experts believe, a continuation of the vigilance soldiers had to adopt to survive for prolonged periods in war zones, as well as an effect of their loss of the ability to trust others. Many dog owners learn to trust the instinct of their animals. I hope Sperry doesnât read too much into it. Despite the pleasantries, I can already see the palpable discomfort my arrival has created for him. A phone call is different than a visit; thereâs separation and the ability to control the conversation by ending it whenever one chooses. However, now Iâm here in his living room at my own request, to see and talk to him face-to-face about his life after war. And itâs a story, despite his delays, I think he wants to tell.
Sperryâs wife, âCathyâ (she asked that her real name not be used in this book), joins us at the dining room table. They were sweethearts since freshman year of high school and actually joined the Marines together on an early-enlistment package their junior year.
She wanted to be a photojournalist but didnât get the occupation guarantee in writing from the recruiter. She ended up in diesel generator repair instead and worked stateside, never deploying to Iraq or Afghanistan. Sperry wanted infantry,
Cixin Liu
Steve Vernon
Paige Dearth
Glenn Bullion
Mark Morris
Ava Claire
Susan Rogers Cooper
Nichola Reilly
Rosanna Chiofalo
Tariq Ali