The Theory of Opposites by Allison Winn Scotch Page B

“Maybe I’m not dumb enough to believe that stuff though.”
    “Lots of smart people believe it.”
    Vanessa rolls her eyes. “Well, I think that the more moronic you are, the easier it is not to question his philosophies.”
    “Come on. There’s a lot of science behind his book.” I find a mug that’s been left on the counter and fill it with water, programming the microwave to “tea.” It beeps and breathes to life.
    “There is less science than you think,” Vanessa says. “Have you read it recently? Accept inertia! Follow the Master Plan Way! Sure, he ran some lab rats in a maze and followed a few sad sack families for a decade or so, but…I mean…it’s hard to argue against the fact that there aren’t any accidents, that randomness doesn’t exist.”
    “Because you can’t disprove the disprovable,” Nicky says. Then grins. “See, I ain’t no moron.”
    Vanessa runs to him and pinches his cheeks.
    “You are my little protégé!” she teases him until he slaps her hands away and pretends to hate her affection. “But Nicky’s right, which is where my idea comes in. Your dad’s entire book is built on swimming downstream…letting life take you wherever you were meant to float.”
    “Not taking a left when you’ve already taken a right,” Nicky says.
    “So let’s take lefts. Let me tell you when to turn left,” Vanessa adds.
    “I…don’t get it.” I really might be the moron here. I can’t admit that I never actually read the book in its entirety. There never was much of a point. I lived it. I was there. The words on the pages couldn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know.
    “It’s the Theory of Opposites.” Vanessa’s voice spins up a decibel in excitement. “We’ll disprove his own theories of inertia and ‘it is what it is’ and ‘everything happens for a reason’ because we will run counter to all of these things. We’ll purposely choose to live life on the high wire, on the fine line where life actually becomes alive.”
    I chew on my lower lip. I don’t like it when life actually becomes alive. I much prefer it in its safe, happy, comfortable space. I’m goddamn Switzerland, after all!
    “I know that you want to say ‘no,’” Vanessa says. “Which is exactly why you need to say ‘yes.’ Start disproving him now. Let me dare you. I dare you, Willa Chandler-Golden, to try to live life on the outer edges. To fight so hard against your original instinct, to change your fate by making choices that you never otherwise would make .”
    “I don’t know.” I chew on my thumbnail cuticle.
    “You never know,” she exhales. “Which is why you have to trust that I do. I do know. Come on, Willa, I’m your best friend. Unexpected things are bound to happen when you remove the baseline of predictability. It’s the Theory of Opposites. And this is exactly what we’ll prove.”
    “And you don’t think my dad accounted for that — this theory?”
    “Actually, he didn’t. He concentrated on intentional choice, not purposely choosing the opposite of that choice.”
    “Hmmm,” I say.
    “That’s fucking brilliant,” Nicky chimes in.
    For once, I don’t correct him.
    —
    Email from: Raina Chandler-Farley
    To: Willa Chandler-Golden; Oliver Chandler
    Subject: Our Parents
    I think that we need to convene to discuss the current mental status, not to mention marital status, of our parents. I suspect that dad is finally having his psychotic break, and that he is taking Mom down with him. Oliver, a quick check of Twitter tells me that you are in New York City — I sent you a tweet, did you not see it? — and while it would have been nice to get a personal hello, I expected nothing else. However, since you are here, and we are all in the same city, perhaps we can meet at the Pain Quot on Madison on Monday for lunch — the office is closed to repair the air conditioning system. Jeremy will watch the kids. Though they would love to see their uncle, too.
    Please let