sabretache and I didn't even know I had it."
"Severian, you allowed me to hold it once before. Could I see it again now?"
I pulled it from its soft pouch and held it up. The blue fires seemed sleepy, but I could see the cruel-looking hook at the center of the gem that had given it its name. Dorcas extended her hand, but I shook my head, remembering the wineglass.
"You think I will do it some harm, don't you? I won't. It would be a sacrilege."
"If you believe what you say, and I think you do, then you must hate it for drawing you back…"
"From death." She was watching the ceiling again, now smiling as if Wolfe,_Gene_-_Book_of_the_New_Sun_3_-_The_Sword_of_the_Lictor she shared some deep and ludicrous secret with it. "Go ahead and say it. It won't hurt you."
"From sleep," I said. "Since if one can be recalled from it, it is not death—not death as we have always understood it, the death that is in our minds when we say death . Although I have to confess it is still almost impossible for me to believe that the Conciliator, dead now for so many thousands of years, should act through this stone to raise others."
Dorcas made no reply. I could not even be sure she was listening.
"You mentioned Hildegrin," I said, "and the time he rowed us across the lake in his boat, to pick the avern. Do you remember what he said of death? It was that she was a good friend to the birds.
Perhaps we ought to have known then that such a death could not be death as we imagine it."
"If I say I believe all that, will you let me hold the Claw?"
I shook my head again.
Dorcas was not looking at me, but she must have seen the motion of my shadow; or perhaps it was only that her mental Severian on the ceiling shook his head as well. "You are right, then—I was going to destroy it if I could. Shall I tell you what I really believe? I believe I have been dead—not sleeping, but dead. That all my life took place a long, long time ago when I lived with my husband above a little shop, and took care of our child. That this Conciliator of yours who came so long ago was an adventurer from one of the ancient races who outlived the universal death." Her hands clutched the blanket.
"I ask you, Severian, when he comes again, isn't he to be called the Wolfe,_Gene_-_Book_of_the_New_Sun_3_-_The_Sword_of_the_Lictor New Sun? Doesn't that sound like it? And I believe that when he came he brought with him something that had the same power over time that Father Inire's mirrors are said to have over distance. It is that gem of yours."
She stopped and turned her head to look at me defiantly; when I said nothing, she continued. "Severian, when you brought the uhlan back to life it was because the Claw twisted time for him to the point at which he still lived. When you half healed your friend's wounds, it was because it bent the moment to one when they would be nearly healed. And when you fell into the fen in the Garden of Endless Sleep, it must have touched me or nearly touched me, and for me it became the time in which I had lived, so that I lived again.
But I have been dead. For a long, long time I was dead, a shrunken corpse preserved in the brown water. And there is something in me that is dead still."
"There is something in all of us that has always been dead," I said.
"If only because we know that eventually we will die. All of us except the smallest children."
"I'm going to go back, Severian. I know that now, and that's what I've been trying to tell you. I have to go back and find out who I was and where I lived and what happened to' me. I know you can't go with me…" I nodded.
"And I'm not asking you to. I don't even want you to. I love you, but you are another death, a death that has stayed with me and befriended me as the old death in the lake did, but death all the same. I don't want to take death with me when I go to look for my life."
Wolfe,_Gene_-_Book_of_the_New_Sun_3_-_The_Sword_of_the_Lictor
"I understand," I said.
"My child may still be
"Severian, you allowed me to hold it once before. Could I see it again now?"
I pulled it from its soft pouch and held it up. The blue fires seemed sleepy, but I could see the cruel-looking hook at the center of the gem that had given it its name. Dorcas extended her hand, but I shook my head, remembering the wineglass.
"You think I will do it some harm, don't you? I won't. It would be a sacrilege."
"If you believe what you say, and I think you do, then you must hate it for drawing you back…"
"From death." She was watching the ceiling again, now smiling as if Wolfe,_Gene_-_Book_of_the_New_Sun_3_-_The_Sword_of_the_Lictor she shared some deep and ludicrous secret with it. "Go ahead and say it. It won't hurt you."
"From sleep," I said. "Since if one can be recalled from it, it is not death—not death as we have always understood it, the death that is in our minds when we say death . Although I have to confess it is still almost impossible for me to believe that the Conciliator, dead now for so many thousands of years, should act through this stone to raise others."
Dorcas made no reply. I could not even be sure she was listening.
"You mentioned Hildegrin," I said, "and the time he rowed us across the lake in his boat, to pick the avern. Do you remember what he said of death? It was that she was a good friend to the birds.
Perhaps we ought to have known then that such a death could not be death as we imagine it."
"If I say I believe all that, will you let me hold the Claw?"
I shook my head again.
Dorcas was not looking at me, but she must have seen the motion of my shadow; or perhaps it was only that her mental Severian on the ceiling shook his head as well. "You are right, then—I was going to destroy it if I could. Shall I tell you what I really believe? I believe I have been dead—not sleeping, but dead. That all my life took place a long, long time ago when I lived with my husband above a little shop, and took care of our child. That this Conciliator of yours who came so long ago was an adventurer from one of the ancient races who outlived the universal death." Her hands clutched the blanket.
"I ask you, Severian, when he comes again, isn't he to be called the Wolfe,_Gene_-_Book_of_the_New_Sun_3_-_The_Sword_of_the_Lictor New Sun? Doesn't that sound like it? And I believe that when he came he brought with him something that had the same power over time that Father Inire's mirrors are said to have over distance. It is that gem of yours."
She stopped and turned her head to look at me defiantly; when I said nothing, she continued. "Severian, when you brought the uhlan back to life it was because the Claw twisted time for him to the point at which he still lived. When you half healed your friend's wounds, it was because it bent the moment to one when they would be nearly healed. And when you fell into the fen in the Garden of Endless Sleep, it must have touched me or nearly touched me, and for me it became the time in which I had lived, so that I lived again.
But I have been dead. For a long, long time I was dead, a shrunken corpse preserved in the brown water. And there is something in me that is dead still."
"There is something in all of us that has always been dead," I said.
"If only because we know that eventually we will die. All of us except the smallest children."
"I'm going to go back, Severian. I know that now, and that's what I've been trying to tell you. I have to go back and find out who I was and where I lived and what happened to' me. I know you can't go with me…" I nodded.
"And I'm not asking you to. I don't even want you to. I love you, but you are another death, a death that has stayed with me and befriended me as the old death in the lake did, but death all the same. I don't want to take death with me when I go to look for my life."
Wolfe,_Gene_-_Book_of_the_New_Sun_3_-_The_Sword_of_the_Lictor
"I understand," I said.
"My child may still be
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