knew I would lie awake for the next few hours. Pulling my top over my head and unclipping my bra barely passed a few minutes. I sat on the bed and began to take my leggings off when I heard a noise.
Suddenly there was a loud banging at my door. "Nina...Nina I know you're in there, I saw your light from the window." came Anthony’s voice.
I stood up and pulled on my pj's quickly, so I wouldn't have to answer to the door in my underwear.
"Let me in please. Nina, I fucked up okay, I want you and you know you want me. You gotta stop living in the past and loosen up otherwise you're going to end up alone." He banged the door again so loudly I thought it might come off the hinges.
My body folded back onto the bed only to slide to the floor. Even if he got through the door, I'd be hidden from view behind the bed.
The banging continued for another few minutes but after one last thump, it stopped just as suddenly as it started.
Only after I heard the outer door slam did I let out a breath.
The fact that not one of my neighbours bothered to come check I was okay after the noise was testament to how little a relationship I had with them. I lay on the floor behind my bed. When I woke in the morning the bottle of vodka next to me was empty but I barely remembered drinking it.
He text me the following day to apologise and asked to see me again a few days later and then again the next week when I said I was busy with work. Did I owe him for helping me? I thought about Anthony but no feelings came at all, I wasn’t sure if that meant I had none for him or if I had just pushed all my emotions so far down it was going to take a lot to bring any to the surface again. Even if I had been ready to be with someone, I knew it couldn’t be Anthony. For all I was grateful to him, he was a constant and uncomfortable reminder of what had happened between me and his ex-best friend.
When Anthony’s birthday came around a few weeks later, I bought him a CD of a band he vaguely liked which was as impersonal a gift I could find. He was having a ‘small gathering of classmates and family’ in his flat and after repeat reassurance that there was zero chance one particular friend would show up, I obligingly went along to try to join in the celebrations.
The flat was full of far more people than could be described as a small gathering. I also soon discovered that the only family members present were his two cousins who were already drunk when I arrived just before eight. Anthony was overly enthusiastic about my gift and insisted on introducing me to everyone. As the evening wore on I felt myself becoming more and more uncomfortable. I poured my own mixer of lemonade and lime into a tall glass which I carried around most of the night topping it up with more juice and ice every now and then.
Around quarter to eleven, I wanted to call a taxi to get me to the station in time for the last train. I went to get my coat hanging in the hallway but when I turned back to say goodbye I found Anthony had followed me.
“No, no, it’s my birthday. You have to stay Nina. No curfews on a birthday, it’s the rules.” he said.
“If I don’t leave soon, I’ll miss my train Anthony.” I replied.
“Well you can stay here. There’s lots of room and I have a big, double bed.” he countered.
His hands rested on my arms and his head was tilted down towards me as if he was going to kiss me.
“Anthony I know it’s your birthday but I’d only spoil it if I stayed any longer. I’m tired and I’m just not in the celebrating mood.” I said.
But he wasn’t listening and I stared at him in horror as he leaned into me.
“I’m sorry, I can’t.” And I pulled away from him and began to pull my coat around my shoulders.
When I faced him again he was staring down at me with hooded eyes. “You know I really can’t work out why Chris called you a whore when you’re clearly a frigid tease.” he said.
When he spoke his name it was like a knife going into
Suddenly there was a loud banging at my door. "Nina...Nina I know you're in there, I saw your light from the window." came Anthony’s voice.
I stood up and pulled on my pj's quickly, so I wouldn't have to answer to the door in my underwear.
"Let me in please. Nina, I fucked up okay, I want you and you know you want me. You gotta stop living in the past and loosen up otherwise you're going to end up alone." He banged the door again so loudly I thought it might come off the hinges.
My body folded back onto the bed only to slide to the floor. Even if he got through the door, I'd be hidden from view behind the bed.
The banging continued for another few minutes but after one last thump, it stopped just as suddenly as it started.
Only after I heard the outer door slam did I let out a breath.
The fact that not one of my neighbours bothered to come check I was okay after the noise was testament to how little a relationship I had with them. I lay on the floor behind my bed. When I woke in the morning the bottle of vodka next to me was empty but I barely remembered drinking it.
He text me the following day to apologise and asked to see me again a few days later and then again the next week when I said I was busy with work. Did I owe him for helping me? I thought about Anthony but no feelings came at all, I wasn’t sure if that meant I had none for him or if I had just pushed all my emotions so far down it was going to take a lot to bring any to the surface again. Even if I had been ready to be with someone, I knew it couldn’t be Anthony. For all I was grateful to him, he was a constant and uncomfortable reminder of what had happened between me and his ex-best friend.
When Anthony’s birthday came around a few weeks later, I bought him a CD of a band he vaguely liked which was as impersonal a gift I could find. He was having a ‘small gathering of classmates and family’ in his flat and after repeat reassurance that there was zero chance one particular friend would show up, I obligingly went along to try to join in the celebrations.
The flat was full of far more people than could be described as a small gathering. I also soon discovered that the only family members present were his two cousins who were already drunk when I arrived just before eight. Anthony was overly enthusiastic about my gift and insisted on introducing me to everyone. As the evening wore on I felt myself becoming more and more uncomfortable. I poured my own mixer of lemonade and lime into a tall glass which I carried around most of the night topping it up with more juice and ice every now and then.
Around quarter to eleven, I wanted to call a taxi to get me to the station in time for the last train. I went to get my coat hanging in the hallway but when I turned back to say goodbye I found Anthony had followed me.
“No, no, it’s my birthday. You have to stay Nina. No curfews on a birthday, it’s the rules.” he said.
“If I don’t leave soon, I’ll miss my train Anthony.” I replied.
“Well you can stay here. There’s lots of room and I have a big, double bed.” he countered.
His hands rested on my arms and his head was tilted down towards me as if he was going to kiss me.
“Anthony I know it’s your birthday but I’d only spoil it if I stayed any longer. I’m tired and I’m just not in the celebrating mood.” I said.
But he wasn’t listening and I stared at him in horror as he leaned into me.
“I’m sorry, I can’t.” And I pulled away from him and began to pull my coat around my shoulders.
When I faced him again he was staring down at me with hooded eyes. “You know I really can’t work out why Chris called you a whore when you’re clearly a frigid tease.” he said.
When he spoke his name it was like a knife going into
Similar Books
