Devil.’
‘You don’t?’ she asked.
‘No. Do you?’
‘No.’
‘I just can’t’, he said, with an effect of helplessness , ‘see it in the same way as other people seem to. Or as they say they do. Or let it be thought they do.’
‘What way, in particular?’
‘Well the people down there’, he began, nodding towards them fiercely, ‘or at least about half of them, including most of the older ones, would consider most of the things I consider thoroughly desirable, like seducing you, either wrong or silly. Silly because there’s no money in it. Whereas a good deal of what they do for a living and almost everything they do for pleasure seems to me criminal.’
‘For example?’
‘For example—o, killing animals.’
‘I, too’, Anna said carefully, after watching her wrist bones for a moment while she turned them this way and that, ‘find it easier to like animals than people. And things than animals.’
‘I can’t go with you as far as the things’, he said.
‘You’re not as old as I am. That’s the remark that used to make one livid at seventeen. Isn’t it odd one should have lived to make it oneself? Yourprescription, by the way, seems too passive to me.’
‘Would you rather revert to the earlier one?’
‘No.’
‘And yet’, he said, ‘even though you didn’t want to wait for it passively, you nearly took the earlier one, didn’t you?’
‘Nearly’, she admitted. ‘It had the appeal of iconoclasm. I was hating the rich tonight, too. It attracted me because middle-aged, middle-class women just don’t . With masked men in the middle of the night’, she added.
‘They still don’t, you know’, he said, opening up an invitation by tilting his head and glancing at her sideways.
She shook her head.
‘You can’t be brave passively’, she said. ‘Hence the guillotine. I think Don Giovanni was perfectly right to go round seducing women until he provoked Hell into coming to get him prematurely. I shan’t wait to die, either.’
‘Do you mean you’ll forestall it?’
‘Yes. Then at least I shan’t have it done to me. Since it must be done, I’ll do it. Like taking the sticking plaster off for oneself.’ In a faintly sardonic voice she added: ‘Don’t worry—I’m not going to do it tonight. Not for some considerable time. Not middle-age-anasia . Just one day before it can do it to me.’
‘You’re perfectly serious, aren’t you?’
‘Perfectly’, she said frivolously, ‘but I couldn’t choose tonight. It would ruin Anne’s party.’
‘You won’t be able to do it at all.’
‘Why not—if I don’t spoil any party? Myself is the only person I’m prepared to injure. Injuring others involves too much responsibility.’
‘You obviously are involved with people’, he said. ‘You can make yourself anonymous to me, but you can’t have spent your whole life at a costume ball. There must be people who know you and love you, and whom you love. And that’s why you’ll find you can’t do it.’
‘Sometimes I think I don’t love anyone except Anne. And I’m feeling a bit cross with her at the moment.’
‘Are you in love with Anne, perhaps?’ he suggested .
‘No, it’s more as though we were mother and daughter.’
‘“… and, as Leda, was the mother of Helen of Troy, and, as Saint Anne, the mother of Mary.”’
‘What’s that?’
‘Walter Pater.’
‘O yes, of course: “She is older than the rocks among which she sits.” O my dear ’, Anna said, ‘I don’t like your trains of thought.’
He put up both hands to cover his ears. ‘Stop beating me about the head with trains of thought. As a matter of fact, that’s a favourite incantation of mine. I often murmur it in times of trouble.’
‘Is this a time of trouble?’
‘Of course. You’re very troubling.’
‘Well, think’, she said gaily, ‘how much worse it would be for Anne’s party if I died in the middle of it in voluntarily.’
‘I don’t want to think
‘You don’t?’ she asked.
‘No. Do you?’
‘No.’
‘I just can’t’, he said, with an effect of helplessness , ‘see it in the same way as other people seem to. Or as they say they do. Or let it be thought they do.’
‘What way, in particular?’
‘Well the people down there’, he began, nodding towards them fiercely, ‘or at least about half of them, including most of the older ones, would consider most of the things I consider thoroughly desirable, like seducing you, either wrong or silly. Silly because there’s no money in it. Whereas a good deal of what they do for a living and almost everything they do for pleasure seems to me criminal.’
‘For example?’
‘For example—o, killing animals.’
‘I, too’, Anna said carefully, after watching her wrist bones for a moment while she turned them this way and that, ‘find it easier to like animals than people. And things than animals.’
‘I can’t go with you as far as the things’, he said.
‘You’re not as old as I am. That’s the remark that used to make one livid at seventeen. Isn’t it odd one should have lived to make it oneself? Yourprescription, by the way, seems too passive to me.’
‘Would you rather revert to the earlier one?’
‘No.’
‘And yet’, he said, ‘even though you didn’t want to wait for it passively, you nearly took the earlier one, didn’t you?’
‘Nearly’, she admitted. ‘It had the appeal of iconoclasm. I was hating the rich tonight, too. It attracted me because middle-aged, middle-class women just don’t . With masked men in the middle of the night’, she added.
‘They still don’t, you know’, he said, opening up an invitation by tilting his head and glancing at her sideways.
She shook her head.
‘You can’t be brave passively’, she said. ‘Hence the guillotine. I think Don Giovanni was perfectly right to go round seducing women until he provoked Hell into coming to get him prematurely. I shan’t wait to die, either.’
‘Do you mean you’ll forestall it?’
‘Yes. Then at least I shan’t have it done to me. Since it must be done, I’ll do it. Like taking the sticking plaster off for oneself.’ In a faintly sardonic voice she added: ‘Don’t worry—I’m not going to do it tonight. Not for some considerable time. Not middle-age-anasia . Just one day before it can do it to me.’
‘You’re perfectly serious, aren’t you?’
‘Perfectly’, she said frivolously, ‘but I couldn’t choose tonight. It would ruin Anne’s party.’
‘You won’t be able to do it at all.’
‘Why not—if I don’t spoil any party? Myself is the only person I’m prepared to injure. Injuring others involves too much responsibility.’
‘You obviously are involved with people’, he said. ‘You can make yourself anonymous to me, but you can’t have spent your whole life at a costume ball. There must be people who know you and love you, and whom you love. And that’s why you’ll find you can’t do it.’
‘Sometimes I think I don’t love anyone except Anne. And I’m feeling a bit cross with her at the moment.’
‘Are you in love with Anne, perhaps?’ he suggested .
‘No, it’s more as though we were mother and daughter.’
‘“… and, as Leda, was the mother of Helen of Troy, and, as Saint Anne, the mother of Mary.”’
‘What’s that?’
‘Walter Pater.’
‘O yes, of course: “She is older than the rocks among which she sits.” O my dear ’, Anna said, ‘I don’t like your trains of thought.’
He put up both hands to cover his ears. ‘Stop beating me about the head with trains of thought. As a matter of fact, that’s a favourite incantation of mine. I often murmur it in times of trouble.’
‘Is this a time of trouble?’
‘Of course. You’re very troubling.’
‘Well, think’, she said gaily, ‘how much worse it would be for Anne’s party if I died in the middle of it in voluntarily.’
‘I don’t want to think
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