The Silence We Keep: A Nun's View of the Catholic Priest Scandal by Karol Jackowski Page A
Authors: Karol Jackowski
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dismissed immediately for being in one another’s cells (bedrooms) at any time, or if we grew too attached to a particular friend, more commonly referred to as PFs. Not even the appearance of impropriety was tolerated. Disinterest was the total name of the nun game and that included one another as well. No best friends allowed. No social coupling. No special attachments because a closeness with one separates us in that way from the rest. Well, we had PFs anyhow. We found soul mates, thank God, and no such separation or sex I know of happened; and it didn’t happen, I suspect, because no one I knew wanted it to. That thought wasn’t in our minds. No sister I know was ever obsessed with sex or went crazy from lack of it.
That’s not to say that sexual activity never occurs in the sisterhood, or that sisters are mysteriously immune to being in love. Both are bound to happen to someone sometime, and in thesisterhood they happen so rarely so carefully, and so soulfully. Every sister I know who’s been there will tell you the same thing. Being in love is never about sex. It’s what feels like another God-given call, something equally divine. There’s no greater turning point than that in anyone’s life, not to mention the life of a nun. Celibacy is a lifetime effort in the sisterhood, as is any loving vow. On occasion it may become necessary to leave it for a while in order to find out more deeply what celibacy is again, what it is we were called to in the beginning, and what it is we’re called to now. When sisters fall in love, most find it necessary to take time out. That’s how profoundly sexual relationships can shift attention and energy elsewhere. They, too, are full of the loving power of God.
In the sisterhood I’ve known, it’s customary to take leave for a while if we decide to move forward with a sexual relationship, so as not to cause scandal (which is why we don’t see much of it). The sisters taking leave are more conscious of scandal than anyone else and great care is taken to give not even the appearance of impropriety. Even so, I’ve never known a sister who, by anyone’s standards, is even close to what you’d call sexually active, promiscuous, or deviant. That’s why you don’t see nuns living double lives or getting arrested picking up girls on street corners. Unless I am completely blind, you will never see in the sisterhood the sexual depravity we see in the priesthood. From day one, sexual relationships in the sisterhood were declared unacceptable, and as far as I know, that zero-tolerance policy hasn’t changed one bit.
Even in the 1970s, when sexual activity between newly Vatican II-liberated priests and sisters appeared rampant (especially on university campuses), its impact and consequences were received quite differently by the priesthood and the sisterhood. One sister told a 1970s story of her superior and the pastorliterally taking off together in the middle of the night. Everyone was shocked first by the dramatic and scandalous getaway, then again months later when things between them didn’t work out as planned. The priest was readmitted to priesthood without much ado, while the sister was shunned by her community (she probably still is today). While both responses seem wrong to me, it’s clear that the sisterhood had zero tolerance for their behavior, while the priesthood saw it as no big deal. In the priesthood, sexual activity and regrettable consequences are not uncommon. Nothing affects the ordained ability to be a priest, not even criminally deviant behavior. In the Catholic priesthood, and according to Catholic teaching, a bad priest can still deliver good sacraments, the ultimate privilege. Not so in the sisterhood.
Given zero tolerance for sexual activity in the sisterhood, everyone wonders what happens with all the sexual energy. How can sisters stand a virtual lifetime without sex? How come we don’t explode (or maybe you know some who have)? Strong external
That’s not to say that sexual activity never occurs in the sisterhood, or that sisters are mysteriously immune to being in love. Both are bound to happen to someone sometime, and in thesisterhood they happen so rarely so carefully, and so soulfully. Every sister I know who’s been there will tell you the same thing. Being in love is never about sex. It’s what feels like another God-given call, something equally divine. There’s no greater turning point than that in anyone’s life, not to mention the life of a nun. Celibacy is a lifetime effort in the sisterhood, as is any loving vow. On occasion it may become necessary to leave it for a while in order to find out more deeply what celibacy is again, what it is we were called to in the beginning, and what it is we’re called to now. When sisters fall in love, most find it necessary to take time out. That’s how profoundly sexual relationships can shift attention and energy elsewhere. They, too, are full of the loving power of God.
In the sisterhood I’ve known, it’s customary to take leave for a while if we decide to move forward with a sexual relationship, so as not to cause scandal (which is why we don’t see much of it). The sisters taking leave are more conscious of scandal than anyone else and great care is taken to give not even the appearance of impropriety. Even so, I’ve never known a sister who, by anyone’s standards, is even close to what you’d call sexually active, promiscuous, or deviant. That’s why you don’t see nuns living double lives or getting arrested picking up girls on street corners. Unless I am completely blind, you will never see in the sisterhood the sexual depravity we see in the priesthood. From day one, sexual relationships in the sisterhood were declared unacceptable, and as far as I know, that zero-tolerance policy hasn’t changed one bit.
Even in the 1970s, when sexual activity between newly Vatican II-liberated priests and sisters appeared rampant (especially on university campuses), its impact and consequences were received quite differently by the priesthood and the sisterhood. One sister told a 1970s story of her superior and the pastorliterally taking off together in the middle of the night. Everyone was shocked first by the dramatic and scandalous getaway, then again months later when things between them didn’t work out as planned. The priest was readmitted to priesthood without much ado, while the sister was shunned by her community (she probably still is today). While both responses seem wrong to me, it’s clear that the sisterhood had zero tolerance for their behavior, while the priesthood saw it as no big deal. In the priesthood, sexual activity and regrettable consequences are not uncommon. Nothing affects the ordained ability to be a priest, not even criminally deviant behavior. In the Catholic priesthood, and according to Catholic teaching, a bad priest can still deliver good sacraments, the ultimate privilege. Not so in the sisterhood.
Given zero tolerance for sexual activity in the sisterhood, everyone wonders what happens with all the sexual energy. How can sisters stand a virtual lifetime without sex? How come we don’t explode (or maybe you know some who have)? Strong external
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