The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved by Matthew Kelly Page A
Authors: Matthew Kelly
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strikes, which people do you want to be with?
Whom do you want at your bedside keeping you company when you are sick?
Who encourages you when you fail?
Who challenges you gently to succeed?
Whose life do you want to significantly impact with your life?
Life is a limited experience, and yet, there is an unlimited number of people, places, and things to experience in your limited time.
In the arena of relationships, we also have a limited amount of time and unlimited opportunities. There are almost six billion people on the planet; you cannot have a personal relationship with each of them. You must choose.
Each day I receive hundreds of e-mails. I could sit at my computer all day for the rest of my life replying to e-mail, or I can write this book. I choose the book. The reason is that I believe the book is a more significant contribution than the thousands of e-mails I could send in the time it takes to write. I choose to write the book because it is a deeper communication, and in a mysterious way it is a chance for you and me, reader and author, to be intimate with each other even though we may never have met.
Every day we make choices, and in those choices we assign priority ranking to the different activities and relationships in our lives. We can try to do everything, and perhaps we can even end up doing many things, but we will excel at nothing. The colloquial label for this human tragedy is “jack of all trades, master of none.” We see this all the time with children who want to be involved with every activity. They play soccer and baseball, take piano and karate lessons, participate in the school play, write articles for the school paper, and take art lessons. They do many things, but they never learn the discipline of any one thing. They float along with talent instead of refining that talent with discipline. They do many things, but excel at nothing. To a certain extent such experimentation is a part of childhood, but only to a certain extent. At some point, we should all bring an order to our lives that allows us to celebrate what makes us unique. Alternatively, we can bring our focus to one great task, to one passion, to one pursuit, and if we have chosen our one pursuit with an understanding of our talents and abilities and pursue it with discipline we will only do one thing, but we will excel at that one thing. The pursuit of excellence breeds character. The pursuit of variety does not.
Sometimes one is better than many.
The same is true in relationships. We can be friends with everyone and spread ourselves around very thin, but we will have no great relationship and no extraordinary experience of intimacy. Or we can bring focus and priority to a handful of relationships and explore the wonders of love and intimacy in the context of those relationships.
Sometimes less truly is more.
The significance of positive relationships in our quest for happiness cannot be understated. Positive relationships make every trial bearable and every triumph sweeter. Positive relationships influence every aspect of our lives and are the trademark of all happy lives.
W HO E NERGIZES Y OU ?
O
ne of the great myths of the twentieth century was that time is our most valuable resource. The propagation of this myth led us to read books, listen to tapes, and attend courses about time management. We all invested in planners to help organize our time, and later we reinvested in Palm Pilots. We were told, “Time is money.” “Don’t waste time. Life is time.” “Guard your time.” “Plan your time.” “Defend your time.” “Wasting time is wasting life.”
Most of this is true to some extent, but time is not our most valuable resource. The equality that is so often spoken about by politicians but rarely found in our modern world actually exists with respect to time. You get twenty-four hours a day and I get twenty-four hours a day. Nobody gets more. It doesn’t matter how much money you have; you still get
Whom do you want at your bedside keeping you company when you are sick?
Who encourages you when you fail?
Who challenges you gently to succeed?
Whose life do you want to significantly impact with your life?
Life is a limited experience, and yet, there is an unlimited number of people, places, and things to experience in your limited time.
In the arena of relationships, we also have a limited amount of time and unlimited opportunities. There are almost six billion people on the planet; you cannot have a personal relationship with each of them. You must choose.
Each day I receive hundreds of e-mails. I could sit at my computer all day for the rest of my life replying to e-mail, or I can write this book. I choose the book. The reason is that I believe the book is a more significant contribution than the thousands of e-mails I could send in the time it takes to write. I choose to write the book because it is a deeper communication, and in a mysterious way it is a chance for you and me, reader and author, to be intimate with each other even though we may never have met.
Every day we make choices, and in those choices we assign priority ranking to the different activities and relationships in our lives. We can try to do everything, and perhaps we can even end up doing many things, but we will excel at nothing. The colloquial label for this human tragedy is “jack of all trades, master of none.” We see this all the time with children who want to be involved with every activity. They play soccer and baseball, take piano and karate lessons, participate in the school play, write articles for the school paper, and take art lessons. They do many things, but they never learn the discipline of any one thing. They float along with talent instead of refining that talent with discipline. They do many things, but excel at nothing. To a certain extent such experimentation is a part of childhood, but only to a certain extent. At some point, we should all bring an order to our lives that allows us to celebrate what makes us unique. Alternatively, we can bring our focus to one great task, to one passion, to one pursuit, and if we have chosen our one pursuit with an understanding of our talents and abilities and pursue it with discipline we will only do one thing, but we will excel at that one thing. The pursuit of excellence breeds character. The pursuit of variety does not.
Sometimes one is better than many.
The same is true in relationships. We can be friends with everyone and spread ourselves around very thin, but we will have no great relationship and no extraordinary experience of intimacy. Or we can bring focus and priority to a handful of relationships and explore the wonders of love and intimacy in the context of those relationships.
Sometimes less truly is more.
The significance of positive relationships in our quest for happiness cannot be understated. Positive relationships make every trial bearable and every triumph sweeter. Positive relationships influence every aspect of our lives and are the trademark of all happy lives.
W HO E NERGIZES Y OU ?
O
ne of the great myths of the twentieth century was that time is our most valuable resource. The propagation of this myth led us to read books, listen to tapes, and attend courses about time management. We all invested in planners to help organize our time, and later we reinvested in Palm Pilots. We were told, “Time is money.” “Don’t waste time. Life is time.” “Guard your time.” “Plan your time.” “Defend your time.” “Wasting time is wasting life.”
Most of this is true to some extent, but time is not our most valuable resource. The equality that is so often spoken about by politicians but rarely found in our modern world actually exists with respect to time. You get twenty-four hours a day and I get twenty-four hours a day. Nobody gets more. It doesn’t matter how much money you have; you still get
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