The Selfless Sister by Shirley Kennedy

of indifference while inside she fought to throttle the dizzying current of excitement racing through her. The man who stood before her was far too blunt and boorish. And yet, why was her blood singing through her veins because of his very nearness? Why did she have this almost uncontrollable urge to reach out and run her fingers through his curly dark hair? Why did she yearn for him to put his arms around her? Why did she want to take his ruggedly handsome face between her palms, raise on tiptoe, press her whole self against him and kiss those lips that, even at this moment, were curved into a smile that mocked her?
    She would do none of those things, of course. Instead, she would come to her senses. If he perceived she was attracted to him, she would die of embarrassment and shame. Besides, all she had to do was think of Edgerton in order to realize how impossible such an alliance would be.
    She backed a step away, murmuring, “I think we’d best go inside.”
    He took a step forward so that he was closer than ever. He looked down at her and took her hand. Though there was bright moonlight, she could not see the desire in his eyes, but of a certainty she knew it was there. She could tell, just hearing the irregularity of his breathing, and feeling in the air the almost palpable sensation of his attraction.
    “Meet me tomorrow,” he said, his voice intense.
    “Where?”
    “The woods —the log—where you were before.”
    Her knees went weak. She was about to cry, “Oh, yes!” when she caught herself. “Not a good idea,” she managed.
    “It’s a terrible idea. Let’s do it anyway.”
    “But why? If you think —”
    “Don’t be ridiculous. We need to talk, that’s all.”
    “But Cousin Edgerton would be furious.”
    “Ah, yes, Edgerton.” He dropped her hand. “You’re right. What was I thinking of? How could you risk it? I am truly sorry. I wanted to see you again, but I could hardly appear at Edgerton’s front door with my calling card, now could I?”
    She felt such a pang of loss, she knew it couldn’t end like this. She must see him one more time—just once, and then not see him again, ever. Her next words slipped out before she could stop them. “I’ll come.”
    He answered, “Tomorrow morning, early, the woods by the log.” He sounded nonchalant but she’d heard him let out his breath, as if he’d been holding it, waiting for her answer.
    When they stepped inside the ballroom, Lucinda wondered how she could have done such a foolish thing as stroll through the garden with a Belington. Fervently she hoped Edgerton would not find out. She fervently hoped, too, that her cousin would not find out about tomorrow because she most definitely was going to meet Lord Belington by that log, dire consequence or not.
     
    * * *
     
    On a road lit by bright moonlight, the Belingtons were riding home on horseback from Lady Perry’s ball. In a sanguine mood, Alex remarked, “You should have seen Alethea’s eyes light when she saw me. It’s almost as if she knew I’d be there.” He laughed with delight. “We had a blissful time. I think she likes me.”
    “I’m in no mood for such exuberance,” Douglas replied with a sour grunt.
    “What’s the matter with you?” asked Alex, his voice still full of elation. “I should think you’d be blissfully happy, thanking your lucky stars right about now. Did you not notice how well-received you were? Where were the cuts, the slights that you expected? Just as I predicted, so much time has passed that people have forgotten.”
    “I haven’t.”
    “God’s blood!” In disgust, Alex cast his eyes upwards to the stars and inquired, “When will he stop this foolishness?”
    Douglas turned his head and stared at his brother. “You’re blinded by love, Alex. You’re happy, so you think all the world is happy, too. Not so. True, I was well-received tonight, much to my surprise. But don’t think our luck will continue. Edgerton has spies everywhere.