words unspoken, knowing they weren’t what he wanted to hear. She had to be sophisticated about this, not be a clinging vine who needed to see him all the time. He would probably hate that, she thought.
She heard the resignation and frustration in his voice and it warmed her heart. Maybe he was feeling just a little of what she was feeling right now. That made her feel slightly better although she knew that Victor’s emotions weren’t as into this relationship as much as hers was. It still helped, although only a little. “Right. And maybe even less than that if everything goes well. I’m trying to move some meetings up so I can get through the negotiations more quickly. Will you miss me?” he asked.
His question eased some of the sadness she’d started feeling at his news. If he wanted her to miss him, that meant that he wanted her to care, even if it was just a little, didn’t it? She smiled even though he couldn’t see her. “Yes. I definitely will.”
“Good. I’ll see you Friday night, okay?”
She smiled at the comment, curling up in her chair as if he were right here with her. “It’s a date.”
He rung off and Lana sagged into her chair. She stared at the computer and the cold coffee beside it and lost all her inspiration. Whatever idea she’d been trying to build was gone now after his phone call.
She stood up and started stretching, thinking all she needed to do was to get back in the groove. She stretched, did several sit ups and then went back to her computer. But it was no use. She just couldn’t get back into the scene. She kept thinking about Victor and replaying all of the nights they’d spent together, wondering what he was meeting about in London and hoping he would be okay. Although she wanted his negotiations to be successful, she still wanted him close by and that was too needy, she thought. This time apart would be good for her. She could gain some perspective, make sure she was still able to make it through the day without the knowledge that she’d see him at the end as they’d been doing almost constantly since they’d met. Their affair would eventually end, she acknowledged. And she’d be without him permanently. He’d move on to the next woman and she’d be fine. Perfectly fine.
Picking up the coffee cup, she tossed the disgusting liquid into the sink with more force than was necessary and then had to clean up the sink and counter. Okay, she realized, she didn’t like the idea of Victor moving on to another woman. But she had to be realistic. Victor was not the long term, picket fences and babies kind of guy. She had to learn to love what she could and accept that there was no future for them. Their relationship was only temporary.
She saved her work and stood up, deciding to give in for the day.
Showering and putting on fresh, clean clothes, ones that were ironed and not a big man’s shirt with a pair of stretch pants definitely helped. The navy slacks and tailored white shirt were crisp and neat. Adding a pearl necklace helped her seem more pulled together on the outside, even if she felt as if she were drifting and falling apart a little on the inside.
She felt better and put on makeup, something that hadn’t been happening during the day while she was working alone. It wasn’t like anyone would see her, she told herself. She rarely took the time for anything anymore except writing and getting ready to see Victor. She worked hard on her manuscript, getting things down as fast as her fingers could type and makeup wasn’t needed until she faced the world each day. That was reserved for her evenings with Victor but looking at herself in the mirror once she was finished, she genuinely felt better. The depression she’d started to feel was almost gone and she did several mental exercises that gave her additional help.
“Coffee,” she decided. “And not just any coffee,” she said to the otherwise empty apartment. “I need special, good coffee.” Nodding her
She heard the resignation and frustration in his voice and it warmed her heart. Maybe he was feeling just a little of what she was feeling right now. That made her feel slightly better although she knew that Victor’s emotions weren’t as into this relationship as much as hers was. It still helped, although only a little. “Right. And maybe even less than that if everything goes well. I’m trying to move some meetings up so I can get through the negotiations more quickly. Will you miss me?” he asked.
His question eased some of the sadness she’d started feeling at his news. If he wanted her to miss him, that meant that he wanted her to care, even if it was just a little, didn’t it? She smiled even though he couldn’t see her. “Yes. I definitely will.”
“Good. I’ll see you Friday night, okay?”
She smiled at the comment, curling up in her chair as if he were right here with her. “It’s a date.”
He rung off and Lana sagged into her chair. She stared at the computer and the cold coffee beside it and lost all her inspiration. Whatever idea she’d been trying to build was gone now after his phone call.
She stood up and started stretching, thinking all she needed to do was to get back in the groove. She stretched, did several sit ups and then went back to her computer. But it was no use. She just couldn’t get back into the scene. She kept thinking about Victor and replaying all of the nights they’d spent together, wondering what he was meeting about in London and hoping he would be okay. Although she wanted his negotiations to be successful, she still wanted him close by and that was too needy, she thought. This time apart would be good for her. She could gain some perspective, make sure she was still able to make it through the day without the knowledge that she’d see him at the end as they’d been doing almost constantly since they’d met. Their affair would eventually end, she acknowledged. And she’d be without him permanently. He’d move on to the next woman and she’d be fine. Perfectly fine.
Picking up the coffee cup, she tossed the disgusting liquid into the sink with more force than was necessary and then had to clean up the sink and counter. Okay, she realized, she didn’t like the idea of Victor moving on to another woman. But she had to be realistic. Victor was not the long term, picket fences and babies kind of guy. She had to learn to love what she could and accept that there was no future for them. Their relationship was only temporary.
She saved her work and stood up, deciding to give in for the day.
Showering and putting on fresh, clean clothes, ones that were ironed and not a big man’s shirt with a pair of stretch pants definitely helped. The navy slacks and tailored white shirt were crisp and neat. Adding a pearl necklace helped her seem more pulled together on the outside, even if she felt as if she were drifting and falling apart a little on the inside.
She felt better and put on makeup, something that hadn’t been happening during the day while she was working alone. It wasn’t like anyone would see her, she told herself. She rarely took the time for anything anymore except writing and getting ready to see Victor. She worked hard on her manuscript, getting things down as fast as her fingers could type and makeup wasn’t needed until she faced the world each day. That was reserved for her evenings with Victor but looking at herself in the mirror once she was finished, she genuinely felt better. The depression she’d started to feel was almost gone and she did several mental exercises that gave her additional help.
“Coffee,” she decided. “And not just any coffee,” she said to the otherwise empty apartment. “I need special, good coffee.” Nodding her
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