links me and hauls me, with zero subtlety, toward the promenade.
‘Sure they do. And if they don’t, well good for them.’ And then she starts humming Lara’s theme, and I dig her in the ribs.
‘He was attractive mind, wasn’t he? Omar Sharif?’
She curls her lip. ‘I think I’d rather do Julie Christie.’
We pass a line of pubs and fish 'n chip shops and are almost parallel with him now. And as luck would have it he turns, giving us a bird’s eye of him. Leigh stops dead in her tracks. ‘Look at him,’ she gushes.
‘Honey, I’m looking.’ He’s like some blazing God sat up there on high, with the sun kissing him and the sea twinkling like the backdrop of a billion diamonds. He’s even darker and more rugged and fitter than I remembered, and I feel a big clearing sensation between my hips. ‘But he’s a lifeguard Leigh. A forty-something lifeguard.’
‘So what? He’s a complete babe. But I can’t believe we were in a bar with him and we didn’t even notice!’ She nudges me. ‘Faithful old soul that I am, I’d spread my tiny wings for him in a minute. And I bet he considers shagging part of his life-saving training so he’s probably very good in bed. And he’s poor and he’s got a crap job so he’s no threat to your marriage. Jill, he’s the ideal candidate for a fling.’
Leigh has always said I’d cheat, eventually. She thinks there’s no such thing as a one-man woman (and we’ve sung many a drunken duet over that, let me tell you.) Sometimes I think I wouldn’t, if for no other reason than to prove her wrong. ‘Let’s go for a cuppa, Leigh.’
‘Aren’t you going to go say Hello?’
‘No. Fun is fun, but any more than this would be a bad idea.’
‘Well what was the point of coming here then?’
‘So you can see him. And I can gaze at him from afar. Besides, it’s been a few weeks, he’ll probably not even remember me.’ And Rob would die if he knew I was doing this. And I’d throttle him if he were out spying on some woman like this, with his male friend. Then I try to picture a couple of married men doing this and it would just never happen, would it? Somehow this makes me feel even more juvenile than I already feel.
‘My arse,’ she says. ‘The point of us coming her was NOT just so I could see him!’
‘Well, it doesn’t matter. I’ve seen him. He’s gorgeous. I’m married. Come on, you bad influence.’ I drag her up the grassy bank onto the path of the main road opposite Morrison’s. ‘Stop drooling. I saw him first.’
She gets to the top, stops, pants. ‘It’s alright. I’m nearly forty. These days I think I can only do one at a time. Although it could be fun finding out….’
I look at her and shake my head.
‘Actually,’ she fans her face. ‘I think it could be utterly brilliant.’
‘What could?’
She looks at me, roguishly. ‘Simultaneous affairs.’
Chapter Six
I’m looking through Leanne’s Cosmo in my lunch break. One Hundred Ways to Turn Your Man On. I think I read the same article twenty years ago. Apparently I still haven’t learned. ‘Have you tried any of these?’ I ask her.
She squints from her desk across the room. There’s a cheese-plant behind her chair that looks like it’s growing out of her head. ‘You wha’?’
I wag the page.
‘Turn ‘im on? Got no problems in that department Jill my dear.’
‘Want this pile of rubbish back then?’ I’m just about to boomerang it when, as luck would have it, Swinburn walks in and catches me. ‘Jill’s a great reader,’ he says, sending me those huge, planet-like eyeballs that Neil Armstrong would be sorry he missed. ‘Sieg Heil,’ I salute him when he’s gone into his office, and the girls chortle.
I’m just putting my jacket on to go home via the supermarket as we’ve been rationing the last loo roll for days, when my phone rings. It’s Leigh, summoning me to Au Bar. ‘It’s critically urgent,’ she tells me.
‘Oh,’ says Rob, when I
‘Sure they do. And if they don’t, well good for them.’ And then she starts humming Lara’s theme, and I dig her in the ribs.
‘He was attractive mind, wasn’t he? Omar Sharif?’
She curls her lip. ‘I think I’d rather do Julie Christie.’
We pass a line of pubs and fish 'n chip shops and are almost parallel with him now. And as luck would have it he turns, giving us a bird’s eye of him. Leigh stops dead in her tracks. ‘Look at him,’ she gushes.
‘Honey, I’m looking.’ He’s like some blazing God sat up there on high, with the sun kissing him and the sea twinkling like the backdrop of a billion diamonds. He’s even darker and more rugged and fitter than I remembered, and I feel a big clearing sensation between my hips. ‘But he’s a lifeguard Leigh. A forty-something lifeguard.’
‘So what? He’s a complete babe. But I can’t believe we were in a bar with him and we didn’t even notice!’ She nudges me. ‘Faithful old soul that I am, I’d spread my tiny wings for him in a minute. And I bet he considers shagging part of his life-saving training so he’s probably very good in bed. And he’s poor and he’s got a crap job so he’s no threat to your marriage. Jill, he’s the ideal candidate for a fling.’
Leigh has always said I’d cheat, eventually. She thinks there’s no such thing as a one-man woman (and we’ve sung many a drunken duet over that, let me tell you.) Sometimes I think I wouldn’t, if for no other reason than to prove her wrong. ‘Let’s go for a cuppa, Leigh.’
‘Aren’t you going to go say Hello?’
‘No. Fun is fun, but any more than this would be a bad idea.’
‘Well what was the point of coming here then?’
‘So you can see him. And I can gaze at him from afar. Besides, it’s been a few weeks, he’ll probably not even remember me.’ And Rob would die if he knew I was doing this. And I’d throttle him if he were out spying on some woman like this, with his male friend. Then I try to picture a couple of married men doing this and it would just never happen, would it? Somehow this makes me feel even more juvenile than I already feel.
‘My arse,’ she says. ‘The point of us coming her was NOT just so I could see him!’
‘Well, it doesn’t matter. I’ve seen him. He’s gorgeous. I’m married. Come on, you bad influence.’ I drag her up the grassy bank onto the path of the main road opposite Morrison’s. ‘Stop drooling. I saw him first.’
She gets to the top, stops, pants. ‘It’s alright. I’m nearly forty. These days I think I can only do one at a time. Although it could be fun finding out….’
I look at her and shake my head.
‘Actually,’ she fans her face. ‘I think it could be utterly brilliant.’
‘What could?’
She looks at me, roguishly. ‘Simultaneous affairs.’
Chapter Six
I’m looking through Leanne’s Cosmo in my lunch break. One Hundred Ways to Turn Your Man On. I think I read the same article twenty years ago. Apparently I still haven’t learned. ‘Have you tried any of these?’ I ask her.
She squints from her desk across the room. There’s a cheese-plant behind her chair that looks like it’s growing out of her head. ‘You wha’?’
I wag the page.
‘Turn ‘im on? Got no problems in that department Jill my dear.’
‘Want this pile of rubbish back then?’ I’m just about to boomerang it when, as luck would have it, Swinburn walks in and catches me. ‘Jill’s a great reader,’ he says, sending me those huge, planet-like eyeballs that Neil Armstrong would be sorry he missed. ‘Sieg Heil,’ I salute him when he’s gone into his office, and the girls chortle.
I’m just putting my jacket on to go home via the supermarket as we’ve been rationing the last loo roll for days, when my phone rings. It’s Leigh, summoning me to Au Bar. ‘It’s critically urgent,’ she tells me.
‘Oh,’ says Rob, when I
Similar Books
