like a story of our countless domination over that old villain. Look, here’s the time we thwarted his attempt to sabotage a dedication outside the Wombat Candy Factory, where we ended up dunking him in inside a vat of semi-solid butterscotch.”
“Truly a sticky situation,” The Jay agreed.
After poring over many more documents, The Jay found herself with a very official looking paper in her hands. It was printed in green ink on hand-pressed paper with gold leaf trim along the border. She turned to her husband with the document. “What do you make of this one, dear?”
The Jay took the paper in his hands and turned it sideways-then upside down, in his attempt to examine it. “It looks like some sort of birth certificate. It says ‘Lo on this day, November twelve, year of eighteen-fifty-six, do we dedicate the birth of Silas Ingrid Haversham, second born child to the Countess Nelle de Nodont.’”
The Jay gave a gasp. “That’s impossible!”
“Indeed,” The Derby replied “Who in their right mind would give their son the middle name Ingrid?”
“No, don’t you understand? This means that Silas Monstrosity is a rightful heir to the court of the Countess of Nodont! It all makes sense: his numerous crimes towards members of royalty have been because he’s never been able to secure his own rightful place as a royal.”
The Derby scoffed “He must have fallen out of that family tree and hit every branch on the way down.”
“Oh dear,” The Jay said worriedly. “We’ve had Silas all wrong this whole time. He’s obviously a lost soul longing for acceptance from his true family. What could we possibly do to make up for it?”
“We do what we always do: the right thing!” The Derby declared “All we will need is an opportunity.”
Just then the door to the records room burst open, The Constable was on the other side. “Uh, excuse me for interrupting, but you’re much needed! Silas Monstrosity is as we speak standing on the edge of the London Bridge! He’s tied to a boulder and is threatening to jump!”
“You wouldn’t he rather?” The Derby asked coyly.
“This is our chance, dear.” The Jay said as she dragged the Derby out of the room.
O O O
And so the duo rushed to the bridge where they found their arch-enemy with a boulder tied around his waist, prepared to end it all by throwing himself the waters below London Bridge.
“Stop!” The Derby cried out “Silas, if you proceed to exterminate yourself I’ll be forced to-“
“Do what, dear?” The Jay asked.
“I don’t know. How are you supposed to punish this sort of action?”
The Jay shook her head, “I think I should handle this one.” She walked towards the bridge to address Silas Monstrosity, though he still kept his back turned. “You can’t do this, think of all of the things you have to live for.”
“There is nothing for me in this world, Midnight Jay.” Silas lamented. “My only regret is not having done this regretful deed ages ago.”
“We know one thing you possess in this world, Silas.” The Jay took the gift certificate from her husband’s pocket and unrolled it for Silas to see. “You have a family. You’re the direct descendant of the Duchess Nelle De Nodont.”
“You think I don’t know that!?” Silas shouted, emotion welling in his throat. “But they abandoned me as a child. Just… Just…Look at me! I’m a deformed beast! I’m a criminal monster of a man! No family of royals would ever accept someone as hideously malformed as me as one of their own…”
“I think he has us there,” The Derby said slyly.
“Nonsense,” The Jay said dismissing her husband, and turned back towards Silas. “I promise, Silas, that if you step off that ledge, we shall take this document to the fairest court in London and make certain you will be put in your rightful place within the royal family.”
Silas looked away, at the boulder tied to his leg, and gave a hard nod, “Well, if you really think you
“Truly a sticky situation,” The Jay agreed.
After poring over many more documents, The Jay found herself with a very official looking paper in her hands. It was printed in green ink on hand-pressed paper with gold leaf trim along the border. She turned to her husband with the document. “What do you make of this one, dear?”
The Jay took the paper in his hands and turned it sideways-then upside down, in his attempt to examine it. “It looks like some sort of birth certificate. It says ‘Lo on this day, November twelve, year of eighteen-fifty-six, do we dedicate the birth of Silas Ingrid Haversham, second born child to the Countess Nelle de Nodont.’”
The Jay gave a gasp. “That’s impossible!”
“Indeed,” The Derby replied “Who in their right mind would give their son the middle name Ingrid?”
“No, don’t you understand? This means that Silas Monstrosity is a rightful heir to the court of the Countess of Nodont! It all makes sense: his numerous crimes towards members of royalty have been because he’s never been able to secure his own rightful place as a royal.”
The Derby scoffed “He must have fallen out of that family tree and hit every branch on the way down.”
“Oh dear,” The Jay said worriedly. “We’ve had Silas all wrong this whole time. He’s obviously a lost soul longing for acceptance from his true family. What could we possibly do to make up for it?”
“We do what we always do: the right thing!” The Derby declared “All we will need is an opportunity.”
Just then the door to the records room burst open, The Constable was on the other side. “Uh, excuse me for interrupting, but you’re much needed! Silas Monstrosity is as we speak standing on the edge of the London Bridge! He’s tied to a boulder and is threatening to jump!”
“You wouldn’t he rather?” The Derby asked coyly.
“This is our chance, dear.” The Jay said as she dragged the Derby out of the room.
O O O
And so the duo rushed to the bridge where they found their arch-enemy with a boulder tied around his waist, prepared to end it all by throwing himself the waters below London Bridge.
“Stop!” The Derby cried out “Silas, if you proceed to exterminate yourself I’ll be forced to-“
“Do what, dear?” The Jay asked.
“I don’t know. How are you supposed to punish this sort of action?”
The Jay shook her head, “I think I should handle this one.” She walked towards the bridge to address Silas Monstrosity, though he still kept his back turned. “You can’t do this, think of all of the things you have to live for.”
“There is nothing for me in this world, Midnight Jay.” Silas lamented. “My only regret is not having done this regretful deed ages ago.”
“We know one thing you possess in this world, Silas.” The Jay took the gift certificate from her husband’s pocket and unrolled it for Silas to see. “You have a family. You’re the direct descendant of the Duchess Nelle De Nodont.”
“You think I don’t know that!?” Silas shouted, emotion welling in his throat. “But they abandoned me as a child. Just… Just…Look at me! I’m a deformed beast! I’m a criminal monster of a man! No family of royals would ever accept someone as hideously malformed as me as one of their own…”
“I think he has us there,” The Derby said slyly.
“Nonsense,” The Jay said dismissing her husband, and turned back towards Silas. “I promise, Silas, that if you step off that ledge, we shall take this document to the fairest court in London and make certain you will be put in your rightful place within the royal family.”
Silas looked away, at the boulder tied to his leg, and gave a hard nod, “Well, if you really think you
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