The Saga of the Renunciates by Marion Zimmer Bradley Page B

gown or a green? Shall I order fish or fowl for the table tonight had been dictated less by her own tastes and preferences than Gabriel's wishes. She had not realized, until Jaelle and the newborn Val were hers for fostering, how much even what she had said to the children or done for them had been based, openly or not, on how well Gabriel would think of her for her dealings with them.
    A strange, painful, almost traitorous thought kept returning: Now that I know how to make my own decisions, will I ever be content again to let Gabriel decide for me?
    Or, if I do go back, is it only because it is so much easier to do exactly what is expected of a woman of my caste?
    They had ridden through the great city gates of Thendara now, and people came out to stare at the sight of a Comyn lady in the company of an Amazon band. Inside the city Kindra dismissed most of the Free Amazons to the Guild-house in Thendara. Accompanied only by Kindra, Jaelle, and the wet nurse with the baby, Rohana rode on to the Comyn Castle.
    In the suite that had belonged to the Ardais clan for uncountable years, Rohana summoned the skeleton staff of servants who remained there all year round-most of the Ardais retainers-returned home to Castle Ardais, with their masters, when Council season was over-and ordered that comfortable quarters be found for the wet-nurse and the baby; that Kindra be treated as an honored guest; and that Jaelle, whom she introduced as her foster-daughter without going into details, be made comfortable in a room near her own, and provided with suitable clothing.
    Then she dispatched a message to the Princess Consort announcing her return, and summoned her own personal maid, bracing herself for the inevitable: the woman's shocked reaction to her hacked-off hair, her completely unsuitable clothes, the state of her hands and complexion, roughened with riding and outdoor living.
    It will be worse than this, when I return to Ardais. Why should I need to be always beautiful? I am not a dancer, or a lyric performer. And I have long ago made my good marriage. But there are those who would think Melora's rescue too dearly bought at the cost of my hair and my complexion!
    Just the same, even while she chafed at the woman's duckings and scoldings for getting herself in such a state, it was good to lie again at full length in a hot bath, scented with balsam; good to soothe her roughened and chapped skin with creams and healing lotions, to be dressed again in soft feminine garments.
    When she was ready, word had come that the Lady Jerana would receive them; and that the Lord Lorill Hastur wished to receive the Free Amazon leader as well. When Rohana relayed this royal command-for, though veiled in exquisite courtesy, that was what it was-Kindra smiled wryly.
    "No doubt he wishes to be certain I have not committed the Domains to war with the Dry Towns."
    "Nonsense," said Rohana irritably. "He is Melora's kinsman too; I am sure he wants to thank you!"
    "Well, Lady, whatever it is, it is for me to obey the Lord Hastur," said Kindra, "so we shall see."
    When Jaelle was brought to them, Rohana drew breath in amazement at the child's surprising beauty. The grime of travel, and her ill-assorted cast-off garments, had obscured it before. She was tall for her age, her skin very pale, dusted with a few faint amber freckles; her hair had been washed and hung below her waist, the color of new copper. She had been prettily dressed in a delicate green gown, just the color of her eyes. Truly, Rohana thought, a daughter of whom any Comyn household could be proud. But would they see it? Or would they see only that she was Jalak's daughter?
    The Lady Jerana, Princess Consort of Aran (she had been born an Aillard and was Rohana's cousin), a languid, fair-haired, spoiled-looking woman, greeted Rohana with the embrace due a kinswoman, kissed Jaelle coldly and spoke graciously to Kindra.
    Why shouldn't she be gracious? It's all she has to do in life, Kindra