and the life of a racer was hard living. My dad knew this as well as the next guy did.
So we kept whatever it was between us a secret. The problem was, what we had was never something that could have been public. At least not in Rager’s eyes.
Rager had me on his bed, naked, but then stopped, his forehead pressed against my shoulder. “Fuck,” he sighed rolling off me. “You’re sixteen, Arie.”
“So? I’m not a virgin if that’s what you’re worried about.”
My reply seemed to upset him a little, but I never understood why. “I’m nineteen. That’s illegal for one, and what if your dad finds out? I’m a fucking dead man, Arie. He’d kill me if he knew I was messing around with you.”
“He wouldn’t kill you. He’s mostly talk.” I said, trying to reason with him.
Rager wasn’t having it and reached for his jeans. “Yeah…” he snorted, “what does mostly mean?”
“Please…” I tried again.
“I can’t take this from you. I want to but…I can’t.”
“You can’t take something I’m willingly giving. Don’t you want this as much as I do?” My eyes were on his, trying to plead with a look.
“Yes, I do.” It worked and he fell forward a little, giving me his weight, his breath, his kiss. “So fucking bad baby…but I can’t.”
When he pulled away again, my temper got the best of me. I sat up on my elbows when he moved to the side again. “So I’m good enough to give you head but not fuck?”
His roughed up fingers gently touched my lips. “Don’t talk like that. You’re too pretty to talk like that.” He blinked, my body felt the heat disappear when he closed his eyes, a shiver running through me. Then he slowly opened his eyes and stared at me. “I shouldn’t have let that happen.”
“Why did you?”
“Because I wanted you.” He admitted, his eyes on my body, the need was there, the want too. His action wasn’t.
“Then take me.”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t…or won’t? There’s a difference.”
“Won’t.”
I was upset at the time that he wouldn’t do it but now I understand why.
Brian and I broke up not long after that when he found out I was with Rager a few times, and then blamed it on Axel wrecking him. But I knew it was more about me and Rager. I’m not entirely sure why he never told my dad or brothers about Rager. A pride thing possibly? Whatever the reason, I can say I was grateful to Brian for that even though he was a total asshole.
When Rager found out that Brian hit me, he went a little crazy and beat the crap out of him. So did Kale, Lily’s younger brother, my brothers and my dad.
I haven’t seen Brian since but I bet he never hit girls again.
“Don’t let anyone ever lay a hand on you.” Rager had said when I told him, more emotional than I would have ever expected him to be over something like this when he took in the black eye and busted lip.
“They wouldn’t if I was with you,” I smiled through the emotion and the hurt.
He gave me a pained look. “How old are you now?”
“Seventeen.”
That’s all that was said. A number was stopping us. Two fucking digits that meant the difference between happiness and separation.
That fall I got wrapped up with Grady Andrews, who was even older than Rager. I had a feeling who Grady was after I slept with him. Not that he said anything to indicate he was Darrin’s son, just that something was suspicious about him. He told me if I didn’t sleep with him, he would do something to my dad’s car, didn’t say what, but that he would. I was scared so I slept with him and kept my mouth shut.
I didn’t tell anyone about that night with Grady. I couldn’t. What would I have said to them?
I fucked up?
No. I wasn’t going to do that.
After Dad was hurt, I started helping Easton with the transition once he was thrown into the Cup ride. Not that I knew what I was doing but I’d gotten good at the publicity side with the help of my Aunt Alley. Easton and I got close fast
So we kept whatever it was between us a secret. The problem was, what we had was never something that could have been public. At least not in Rager’s eyes.
Rager had me on his bed, naked, but then stopped, his forehead pressed against my shoulder. “Fuck,” he sighed rolling off me. “You’re sixteen, Arie.”
“So? I’m not a virgin if that’s what you’re worried about.”
My reply seemed to upset him a little, but I never understood why. “I’m nineteen. That’s illegal for one, and what if your dad finds out? I’m a fucking dead man, Arie. He’d kill me if he knew I was messing around with you.”
“He wouldn’t kill you. He’s mostly talk.” I said, trying to reason with him.
Rager wasn’t having it and reached for his jeans. “Yeah…” he snorted, “what does mostly mean?”
“Please…” I tried again.
“I can’t take this from you. I want to but…I can’t.”
“You can’t take something I’m willingly giving. Don’t you want this as much as I do?” My eyes were on his, trying to plead with a look.
“Yes, I do.” It worked and he fell forward a little, giving me his weight, his breath, his kiss. “So fucking bad baby…but I can’t.”
When he pulled away again, my temper got the best of me. I sat up on my elbows when he moved to the side again. “So I’m good enough to give you head but not fuck?”
His roughed up fingers gently touched my lips. “Don’t talk like that. You’re too pretty to talk like that.” He blinked, my body felt the heat disappear when he closed his eyes, a shiver running through me. Then he slowly opened his eyes and stared at me. “I shouldn’t have let that happen.”
“Why did you?”
“Because I wanted you.” He admitted, his eyes on my body, the need was there, the want too. His action wasn’t.
“Then take me.”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t…or won’t? There’s a difference.”
“Won’t.”
I was upset at the time that he wouldn’t do it but now I understand why.
Brian and I broke up not long after that when he found out I was with Rager a few times, and then blamed it on Axel wrecking him. But I knew it was more about me and Rager. I’m not entirely sure why he never told my dad or brothers about Rager. A pride thing possibly? Whatever the reason, I can say I was grateful to Brian for that even though he was a total asshole.
When Rager found out that Brian hit me, he went a little crazy and beat the crap out of him. So did Kale, Lily’s younger brother, my brothers and my dad.
I haven’t seen Brian since but I bet he never hit girls again.
“Don’t let anyone ever lay a hand on you.” Rager had said when I told him, more emotional than I would have ever expected him to be over something like this when he took in the black eye and busted lip.
“They wouldn’t if I was with you,” I smiled through the emotion and the hurt.
He gave me a pained look. “How old are you now?”
“Seventeen.”
That’s all that was said. A number was stopping us. Two fucking digits that meant the difference between happiness and separation.
That fall I got wrapped up with Grady Andrews, who was even older than Rager. I had a feeling who Grady was after I slept with him. Not that he said anything to indicate he was Darrin’s son, just that something was suspicious about him. He told me if I didn’t sleep with him, he would do something to my dad’s car, didn’t say what, but that he would. I was scared so I slept with him and kept my mouth shut.
I didn’t tell anyone about that night with Grady. I couldn’t. What would I have said to them?
I fucked up?
No. I wasn’t going to do that.
After Dad was hurt, I started helping Easton with the transition once he was thrown into the Cup ride. Not that I knew what I was doing but I’d gotten good at the publicity side with the help of my Aunt Alley. Easton and I got close fast
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