eyes are cold. “You need
to go… I’m sorry, Callie.” He looks like he might cry. “I can’t be with you.”
I try to tell myself that it’s because he’s hurting but suddenly
I’m back in high school, back to being no one, back to being the
invisible girl filled with shame.
“Freak,” Daisy said as I walk down the hall with my head
hung low. “Nobody wants you around.”
I hurried down the hall, clutching my books as I ran outside. I
kept running and running until I was safely underneath the
bleachers near the football field where no one could see me. I
shoved my finger down my throat and forced my lunch out of my
stomach. Then I sat down in the dirt and through the cracks in the
seats watched the football team practice, wishing I could stay there
forever.
My breath falters as I climb out of the car, into the snow and
the wintry air. As soon as I slam the door, the tires spin in the slush as he peels away without looking back. Even though I feel like
chasing after him, I turn around and walk back inside with my head
hung low.
Kayden
I’m officially the world’s biggest asshole as I pull out of that
parking lot. I’ve snubbed the world’s saddest girl not once but
twice, and on top of that, I kissed her. I’m a fucking prick. I can see her watching the car as I peel out onto the road, her head hung
low, and she probably feels like shit.
But it’s for her own good; that’s what I have to keep telling
myself. One day she’ll look back at all of this and be glad she
didn’t have to deal with it her entire life. My burdens and problems
should be mine and mine alone.
Still… kissing her again has made it a huge problem. I’m
driving away from the café, the slush on the roads whipping up
against the windshield as I fly down the main road in my mom’s
car. My heart is acting stupid, flying about as fast as the car is and my lips are burning from the feel of hers. The inside of the car
smells like her too and I can’t stop thinking about how good she
smells when I’m close to her and how it feels to touch her.
I should have never left the house. My mom was wasted,
though, and wanted something to eat. I didn’t want her driving
drunk so I offered to go. But being out in public wasn’t a good
idea. Too many people I know, and too much judgment. And then
Callie… being there… seeing her…
Tears threatened to come out of my eyes as I leave her
behind at the café and the pain and sadness is making me want to
pull over. I can’t let the feelings surface, not when I have no way to turn them off. I’ll have to deal with them and I can’t. But my eyes
keep pooling with water and it’s become harder than hell to see.
Everything looks white and sloshy and I can’t focus on the road. I
need to stop the tight knot in my chest from tightening anymore.
Holding onto the steering wheel, I reach across the console
for the glove compartment, hoping my mom will have a
screwdriver or something sharp inside there. I just need a quick fix
to temporarily turn it off. I keep glancing up at the road as I dig
through the glove box. There’s a stack of papers, a tube of lipstick, and a packet of air fresheners. “Fuck!” There’s nothing sharp. I slam the console and sit up just in time to see a small blue car stopped
in the middle of the road with the exhaust huffing a cloud of dark
smoke into the air.
I slam my foot down on the pedal and my car screeches to a
halt. Snow and slush flip up into the air as the back end of the car
loses control and glides to the side. It stops sideways about a foot
before ramming the other car.
I slam my hands against the wheel as the car inches forward
and angles to the side. I’m losing control over everything—over
how I feel, and it’s going to end up killing me.
The thing is I’m not sure if I’m terrified about that or relieved.
Chapter 7
#2 Don’t overthink so many things
Kayden
It’s been a
to go… I’m sorry, Callie.” He looks like he might cry. “I can’t be with you.”
I try to tell myself that it’s because he’s hurting but suddenly
I’m back in high school, back to being no one, back to being the
invisible girl filled with shame.
“Freak,” Daisy said as I walk down the hall with my head
hung low. “Nobody wants you around.”
I hurried down the hall, clutching my books as I ran outside. I
kept running and running until I was safely underneath the
bleachers near the football field where no one could see me. I
shoved my finger down my throat and forced my lunch out of my
stomach. Then I sat down in the dirt and through the cracks in the
seats watched the football team practice, wishing I could stay there
forever.
My breath falters as I climb out of the car, into the snow and
the wintry air. As soon as I slam the door, the tires spin in the slush as he peels away without looking back. Even though I feel like
chasing after him, I turn around and walk back inside with my head
hung low.
Kayden
I’m officially the world’s biggest asshole as I pull out of that
parking lot. I’ve snubbed the world’s saddest girl not once but
twice, and on top of that, I kissed her. I’m a fucking prick. I can see her watching the car as I peel out onto the road, her head hung
low, and she probably feels like shit.
But it’s for her own good; that’s what I have to keep telling
myself. One day she’ll look back at all of this and be glad she
didn’t have to deal with it her entire life. My burdens and problems
should be mine and mine alone.
Still… kissing her again has made it a huge problem. I’m
driving away from the café, the slush on the roads whipping up
against the windshield as I fly down the main road in my mom’s
car. My heart is acting stupid, flying about as fast as the car is and my lips are burning from the feel of hers. The inside of the car
smells like her too and I can’t stop thinking about how good she
smells when I’m close to her and how it feels to touch her.
I should have never left the house. My mom was wasted,
though, and wanted something to eat. I didn’t want her driving
drunk so I offered to go. But being out in public wasn’t a good
idea. Too many people I know, and too much judgment. And then
Callie… being there… seeing her…
Tears threatened to come out of my eyes as I leave her
behind at the café and the pain and sadness is making me want to
pull over. I can’t let the feelings surface, not when I have no way to turn them off. I’ll have to deal with them and I can’t. But my eyes
keep pooling with water and it’s become harder than hell to see.
Everything looks white and sloshy and I can’t focus on the road. I
need to stop the tight knot in my chest from tightening anymore.
Holding onto the steering wheel, I reach across the console
for the glove compartment, hoping my mom will have a
screwdriver or something sharp inside there. I just need a quick fix
to temporarily turn it off. I keep glancing up at the road as I dig
through the glove box. There’s a stack of papers, a tube of lipstick, and a packet of air fresheners. “Fuck!” There’s nothing sharp. I slam the console and sit up just in time to see a small blue car stopped
in the middle of the road with the exhaust huffing a cloud of dark
smoke into the air.
I slam my foot down on the pedal and my car screeches to a
halt. Snow and slush flip up into the air as the back end of the car
loses control and glides to the side. It stops sideways about a foot
before ramming the other car.
I slam my hands against the wheel as the car inches forward
and angles to the side. I’m losing control over everything—over
how I feel, and it’s going to end up killing me.
The thing is I’m not sure if I’m terrified about that or relieved.
Chapter 7
#2 Don’t overthink so many things
Kayden
It’s been a
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