The Real Life Downton Abbey by Jacky Hyams

formal and longest meal of the day.
    8pm. Dinner The butler announces that dinner is being served. Family and guests make their way to the dining room. Each gentleman offers his arm to a lady and they make their way to dinner in pairs. The master of the household leads the procession with the lady of the leading guest on his right arm, followed by the mistress of the house on the arm of the leading male guest. After dinner, the ladies retire to the drawing room and the men remain at the table, drinking and smoking. Depending on how many guests there are, dinner may last until 11pm or later.
RULES FOR TABLE MANNERS
    At the dining table, guests and hosts alike must follow the correct etiquette for their manners at the table. Here are the most important Rules of the Table:
     
NEVER take your seat until the lady of the house is seated.
NEVER lounge on the table with your elbows, or tip back in your chair.
NEVER play with your knives, forks or glasses. Cultivate repose at the table. It is an aid to digestion.
NEVER tuck your napkin into your vest, yoke or collar. It is unfolded once and laid across the knees without a flourish. After the meal, at a restaurant or formal dinner, lay the napkin unfolded at your place. If you are a guest in the household and will remain for another meal, you may fold the napkin into its original creases.
NEVER put the end of a spoon into your mouth; sip everything from the side of the spoon. Do this noiselessly.
NEVER put your knife in your mouth, nor use a spoon when a fork will serve. Forks are used for eating ice cream and salad is folded or cut with the side of a fork, never with the knife. Even small vegetables like peas are eaten with a fork.
NEVER hold your knife and fork in the air when your host is serving you afresh. Lay them on one side of the plate when you send it to the host by the servant.
NEVER leave your spoon in a coffee or teacup. Lay it on the saucer.
NEVER cool food by blowing on it. Wait until it becomes cool enough to eat.
NEVER take a second helping at a large, formal dinner. You will find yourself eating alone.
NEVER make noise with the eating implements against the china. Food must be eaten daintily, each thing by itself.
     

T HE C OUNTRY H OUSE O WNER’S R ULES
    Life for the toffs is a series of obligations, rules and social considerations. Here are five of the most important ones:
     
The hosting of social events is, by custom, a priority for the aristocratic elite and their circle. Their lives revolve around wealth, privilege and politics. So drawing up guest lists for these events is a crucial part of the social networking which dominates their lives.
The Shooting Party is a very important part of their social lives. It can last for several days. Usually, it starts with the master of the house hosting the shoot – but other activities like fishing or hunting may be involved for guests.
The children of the family are the only members of the household who can move freely around the entire house, above and below stairs. If the mistress wishes to inspect the kitchen she arranges this via the butler.
By custom, the children of the family live independently of their parents. They eat only one meal – luncheon – with their parents; other meals are taken in the schoolroom, sometimes with a tutor or nanny. (Very small children remain in the nursery, other than set times when they are brought down by staff to see the mistress.)
Reputation is everything. Which means a reputation for moral fortitude is essential for the family. The master and mistress must ensure that chaperones are always present when all adult unmarried members of the family meet with the opposite sex. Failure to adhere to this reflects badly on anyone ignoring this rule, as well as on the household.
     

T HE H OUSEHOLD C LEANING R ULES
    Even cleaning does not escape the rules. Certain jobs are only allocated to women, others to men only: it all depends on the value or status of what is being cleaned.