This is not repulsion. I’m so turned on right now. You wouldn’t believe how turned on I am, and if I weren’t so cautious we’d be in the bed. We can’t make love until I’m sure you’re ready. Sex isn’t something to do just because you’re curious .” He sat on the bed, placing her in his lap. “Can I explain something to you?”
Cuddling against him, s he nodded her head.
“I’m smarter now about my heart and the choices I make. The physical act of sex is so easy. Anyone can make body parts match up. True lovemaking—the kind that pierces your heart and knits you to another forever—is more difficult. I can’t wait to experience it, and I’m willing to bet it’s so worth the wait. My next time is going to be with someone I’m in love with. I don’t just want a casual roll in the hay. I want my soul mate, my other half.”
“ That doesn’t exist, Ascher.”
She seemed jaded, unbelieving of happily endings. Shaking his head at her, he said, “Aren’t you curious to find out for yourself?” He cupped her chin with his hand. “You're so special—like no one I’ve ever known. You’re just the type of woman I see myself falling in love with.”
Her expression grew puzzled. More questions were coming. “What was she like?”
“Who?”
“Your first.”
He didn’t expect that question so soon after he’d poured his heart out. Sifting through his thoughts, he hoped to construct a convincing answer that diminished Ursula’s importance, while not making him sound capricious about the experience. The last thing he wanted was to upset her. “Oh her. She was a childhood friend. When you’re young, you grow curious and you experiment when curiosity gets the best of you. We just did it. We weren’t in love and after it happened the first time, we just kept doing it because we’d already done it.” He faux scolded her. “See what I mean about curiosity ?”
“So , you didn’t love her?”
“I cared about her, but I never felt about her the way I feel about you. It makes me wish I’d waited to have sex with you.”
“I’ve never felt this way about a man before. I t’s kinda scary.”
“What scares you about it?” He was in terested in what made her tick and often found himself studying her like a case in psychology class.
“I feel so not in control with you, and I’m far too aggressive. Way too uninhibited.”
“ That isn’t a bad thing. It only means you’re comfortable with me. That makes me very happy.” He made a deal with himself to stop channeling her so much, but he couldn’t resist a glance into her mind. She, of course, was confused about how she felt. He expected that, but he never expected to hear, I’m falling in love with him. I can’t believe this is happening so fast. He was falling for her, too.
She gave him a serious, no-nonsense stare as the confines of her mind shut down.
“What does that look mean?”
Her dark eyes narrowed. “Did you two use a condom?”
He struggled to keep the laugh from blurting out. Vampires didn’t need condoms or birth control. No disease known to man could touch the m. “We were both virgins, so we weren’t afraid of catching anything.” He told the truth.
“What about pregnancy? Weren’t you afraid of that?”
“She was on the pill.” He lied.
Ascher wanted to say more, he wanted to tell her to run away from him just as fast as her legs could carry her. He wished he hadn’t heard her mind say that she was in love with him. Now it would be almost impossible for him to leave her. Either way the pendulum swung, someone would be unhappy. If he left her, to give her a future, he’d be heartbroken. Staying might mean that her life would be childless.
He should have said many things but couldn’t will himself to do it. Instead, he did exactly what he wanted—kissed her until they both burned hot with desire.
As they drifted off to sleep, he thought about how alive she made him feel. He then thought of how
Cuddling against him, s he nodded her head.
“I’m smarter now about my heart and the choices I make. The physical act of sex is so easy. Anyone can make body parts match up. True lovemaking—the kind that pierces your heart and knits you to another forever—is more difficult. I can’t wait to experience it, and I’m willing to bet it’s so worth the wait. My next time is going to be with someone I’m in love with. I don’t just want a casual roll in the hay. I want my soul mate, my other half.”
“ That doesn’t exist, Ascher.”
She seemed jaded, unbelieving of happily endings. Shaking his head at her, he said, “Aren’t you curious to find out for yourself?” He cupped her chin with his hand. “You're so special—like no one I’ve ever known. You’re just the type of woman I see myself falling in love with.”
Her expression grew puzzled. More questions were coming. “What was she like?”
“Who?”
“Your first.”
He didn’t expect that question so soon after he’d poured his heart out. Sifting through his thoughts, he hoped to construct a convincing answer that diminished Ursula’s importance, while not making him sound capricious about the experience. The last thing he wanted was to upset her. “Oh her. She was a childhood friend. When you’re young, you grow curious and you experiment when curiosity gets the best of you. We just did it. We weren’t in love and after it happened the first time, we just kept doing it because we’d already done it.” He faux scolded her. “See what I mean about curiosity ?”
“So , you didn’t love her?”
“I cared about her, but I never felt about her the way I feel about you. It makes me wish I’d waited to have sex with you.”
“I’ve never felt this way about a man before. I t’s kinda scary.”
“What scares you about it?” He was in terested in what made her tick and often found himself studying her like a case in psychology class.
“I feel so not in control with you, and I’m far too aggressive. Way too uninhibited.”
“ That isn’t a bad thing. It only means you’re comfortable with me. That makes me very happy.” He made a deal with himself to stop channeling her so much, but he couldn’t resist a glance into her mind. She, of course, was confused about how she felt. He expected that, but he never expected to hear, I’m falling in love with him. I can’t believe this is happening so fast. He was falling for her, too.
She gave him a serious, no-nonsense stare as the confines of her mind shut down.
“What does that look mean?”
Her dark eyes narrowed. “Did you two use a condom?”
He struggled to keep the laugh from blurting out. Vampires didn’t need condoms or birth control. No disease known to man could touch the m. “We were both virgins, so we weren’t afraid of catching anything.” He told the truth.
“What about pregnancy? Weren’t you afraid of that?”
“She was on the pill.” He lied.
Ascher wanted to say more, he wanted to tell her to run away from him just as fast as her legs could carry her. He wished he hadn’t heard her mind say that she was in love with him. Now it would be almost impossible for him to leave her. Either way the pendulum swung, someone would be unhappy. If he left her, to give her a future, he’d be heartbroken. Staying might mean that her life would be childless.
He should have said many things but couldn’t will himself to do it. Instead, he did exactly what he wanted—kissed her until they both burned hot with desire.
As they drifted off to sleep, he thought about how alive she made him feel. He then thought of how
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