me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous; I have never cheated on you.”
“Well, if you don’t think that this,” Sarah waved the hefty leather-bound volume around in the air again, “constitutes cheating, at least in your heart, than I don’t know what does.”
“Don’t you ever, ever read my journal again. Do you understand me?” Jay stormed out, returning several hours later to a darkened room.
After a night during which neither one of them slept but both pretended to, Sarah had apologized. The apology was accepted and they had moved on from there.
That horrible night that Jay had almost been raped had nearly been her undoing in many ways. The attack had brought memories of her childhood back like a herd of thundering horses. It was as if she had been reliving that entire trauma again as she lay there helpless to stop her assailant, and then her dark-haired heroine had shown up and saved her, holding her and comforting her again. Although Jay had been nearly paralyzed with fear and despair, her body had registered Kate’s presence and her soul knew it had found its home.
70
The Price of Fame
Awakening after the sedative had worn off in the hospital, she had opened her eyes willing the compelling woman to be there. Instead, it had been ever-dependable Sarah sitting by her bedside. Feeling guilty, Jay had tried hard to hide her disappointment. She had disappeared more and more into her journal and she and Sarah had drifted further and further apart. Sarah had clung desperately to the relationship but by the time they were ready to graduate, even she had known that it was over.
Jay could still hear the anguish in Sarah’s voice that last night they had spent together in their dorm room.
“You’re just going to be able to walk across that stage tomorrow and out of my life and that will be the end of it? Jay? How can you do that?
What about us?” Sarah was distraught. “Jay, please, don’t do this.
You...you love me; I know you do, and I love you. Can’t we find a way to work this out so we can still be together?”
Softly, Jay answered, “I’m so, so, sorry, Sare. It’s just not going to work. You’ll be all right. You’ll get to law school and find someone really great who will love you the way you should be loved, and you won’t even remember I’m alive.”
“That’s not true,” Sarah denied hotly as tears streamed down her cheeks. “It’s you I need. Please, Jay...please.”
“I’m sorry, Sarah, but I can’t. I wish I could, but I just can’t.” Jay bowed her head, miserable at being the cause of so much suffering and vowing never to put anyone through that pain again.
Since then, despite many offers, she had remained true to that vow, categorically refusing to get involved with anyone. Her life had been ordered, neat and tidy, and simple.
Now there she was, standing in her own apartment, having just shared a mind-blowing kiss with the only woman who had the ability to touch her soul and make her fiction come to life. Jay was afraid that she would awaken any second and find that it had all been a dream; she fingered the business card Kate had given her just to be sure it hadn’t been.
For years she had believed that the tall, dark stranger who owned her heart would never know it. Jay had resolved to pour her energies into her work, making allowances for friendships and nothing more. She couldn’t, and wouldn’t, pretend to have feelings for someone else that she knew belonged only to the statuesque, blue-eyed woman that she barely knew, and she wasn’t much for one-night stands. She had laughed at herself self-deprecatingly more than once, telling herself it was like living some sort of Greek tragedy. But she could no more change her heart than she could change the color of her eyes.
71
Lynn Ames
Now...now. She sighed. If she ever doubted what she knew in her soul, the past day had crystallized her feelings with remarkable clarity.
Well, Jamison, you’ve always
“Don’t be ridiculous; I have never cheated on you.”
“Well, if you don’t think that this,” Sarah waved the hefty leather-bound volume around in the air again, “constitutes cheating, at least in your heart, than I don’t know what does.”
“Don’t you ever, ever read my journal again. Do you understand me?” Jay stormed out, returning several hours later to a darkened room.
After a night during which neither one of them slept but both pretended to, Sarah had apologized. The apology was accepted and they had moved on from there.
That horrible night that Jay had almost been raped had nearly been her undoing in many ways. The attack had brought memories of her childhood back like a herd of thundering horses. It was as if she had been reliving that entire trauma again as she lay there helpless to stop her assailant, and then her dark-haired heroine had shown up and saved her, holding her and comforting her again. Although Jay had been nearly paralyzed with fear and despair, her body had registered Kate’s presence and her soul knew it had found its home.
70
The Price of Fame
Awakening after the sedative had worn off in the hospital, she had opened her eyes willing the compelling woman to be there. Instead, it had been ever-dependable Sarah sitting by her bedside. Feeling guilty, Jay had tried hard to hide her disappointment. She had disappeared more and more into her journal and she and Sarah had drifted further and further apart. Sarah had clung desperately to the relationship but by the time they were ready to graduate, even she had known that it was over.
Jay could still hear the anguish in Sarah’s voice that last night they had spent together in their dorm room.
“You’re just going to be able to walk across that stage tomorrow and out of my life and that will be the end of it? Jay? How can you do that?
What about us?” Sarah was distraught. “Jay, please, don’t do this.
You...you love me; I know you do, and I love you. Can’t we find a way to work this out so we can still be together?”
Softly, Jay answered, “I’m so, so, sorry, Sare. It’s just not going to work. You’ll be all right. You’ll get to law school and find someone really great who will love you the way you should be loved, and you won’t even remember I’m alive.”
“That’s not true,” Sarah denied hotly as tears streamed down her cheeks. “It’s you I need. Please, Jay...please.”
“I’m sorry, Sarah, but I can’t. I wish I could, but I just can’t.” Jay bowed her head, miserable at being the cause of so much suffering and vowing never to put anyone through that pain again.
Since then, despite many offers, she had remained true to that vow, categorically refusing to get involved with anyone. Her life had been ordered, neat and tidy, and simple.
Now there she was, standing in her own apartment, having just shared a mind-blowing kiss with the only woman who had the ability to touch her soul and make her fiction come to life. Jay was afraid that she would awaken any second and find that it had all been a dream; she fingered the business card Kate had given her just to be sure it hadn’t been.
For years she had believed that the tall, dark stranger who owned her heart would never know it. Jay had resolved to pour her energies into her work, making allowances for friendships and nothing more. She couldn’t, and wouldn’t, pretend to have feelings for someone else that she knew belonged only to the statuesque, blue-eyed woman that she barely knew, and she wasn’t much for one-night stands. She had laughed at herself self-deprecatingly more than once, telling herself it was like living some sort of Greek tragedy. But she could no more change her heart than she could change the color of her eyes.
71
Lynn Ames
Now...now. She sighed. If she ever doubted what she knew in her soul, the past day had crystallized her feelings with remarkable clarity.
Well, Jamison, you’ve always
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