the same ID and password for everything I do online. Its not safe, but it makes my life easier.
Sure enough, the information is accepted and access is granted. Seconds later, the message center portal page pops up, and I click over to the one message thats waiting for me.
>>>http://www.playsurvivewin.com<<<
PLAY.SURVIVE.WIN
PLEASE LOGIN
PLAYER USER NAME:
LuvPrada
PLAYER PASSWORD:
********
please wait
please wait
please wait
Password approved
>>>Read New Messages<<<>>>Create New Message<<< please wait
WELCOME TO MESSAGE CENTER
You have one new message.
New Message:
To:
LuvPrada
From:
System Administration
Subject:
Message Filed by Assassin
Report:
Toxin delivered as per instructions. Awaiting confirmation of infection.
Delivery of additional systems established and scheduled as per introductory instructions.
Game currently proceeding on schedule.
>>>>End Report<<<<
I stare at the computer, not quite able to process the words on the screen. Only two stand out:Toxin delivered.
The words seem to pulsate on the screen, mocking me. No way. Its not possible.
And yet there it is, in black and white.
Toxin delivered.
Dear God in heaven its real.
Chapter15
Icant stop shaking. My hands. My arms. My teeth.
My entire body seems to tremble from within, and its all I can do to crumple the note in my fist, then collapse onto the couch.
Dear God, this is real. Someone is after me. Again.
The thought is too much to bear, and I pull my knees up against my chest and press my forehead to my knees. My back is pressed hard against the plush sofa cushions, and I feel likeif I just try a little harderI can make myself so small that Ill completely disappear.
No one can find me then. Ill just be gone.
Gone.
At the moment, I want nothing more.
An eternity passes, and then I hear a whimper. Ive been lost, zoned out in some hidden place in my mind, and it takes me a while to realize the sound is coming from me. Im rocking, too, hugging myself and moving on the couch. I know I should stop. That I should get up and hold my chin high and say, Fuck you, to the world or to the bad guy or to whatever asshole thought that sending that note was a good idea.
I cant do that, though. I remember too clearly the press of metal against my neck. The sound of the buttons popping off my shirt as Janus had so casually flipped the tip of his blade against the flimsy threads. The sting on my breasts where his blade drew blood.
And the ultimate horror of his hands on my body.
I feel those hands now, and I thrash, screaming, even though some part of me knows that Janus isnt here. Its only Blake, trying to hold me. Trying to comfort me.
But there really is no comfort to be had.
Id finally gotten my head back on straight. Surely fate wouldnt be so cruel as to push me back down.
Not again. Please, God, not again.
My whole body seems to tense, each pore seething with longing. With a desperate need to escape into a sweet oblivion. I can imagine the feel of the pills in my hand, their negligible weight ironic when compared to the punch they pack. So easy.
No, no, NO!
Id flushed every last Valium, Vicodin, Xanax, and Percocet down the toilet months ago. I was clean, and I was staying clean.
Except
I cant do this. I cant survive this without the drugs and at the same time, once I take another pill, I know in my heart theres no turning back. I beat addiction once. I dont think I can do it again.
A hysterical bubble rises in my throat, and I squeeze my eyes tight. Im losing it, and I dont want to be losing it. Im strong. Isnt that what my therapist has been telling me for years? I survived Janus. I beat the drugs. I. Am. Strong.
And yet a few little words send me whimpering to my couch.
Clearly, my therapist is wrong. Which begs the question of why I pay her such an obscene hourly rate.
There it is again,
Sure enough, the information is accepted and access is granted. Seconds later, the message center portal page pops up, and I click over to the one message thats waiting for me.
>>>http://www.playsurvivewin.com<<<
PLAY.SURVIVE.WIN
PLEASE LOGIN
PLAYER USER NAME:
LuvPrada
PLAYER PASSWORD:
********
please wait
please wait
please wait
Password approved
>>>Read New Messages<<<>>>Create New Message<<< please wait
WELCOME TO MESSAGE CENTER
You have one new message.
New Message:
To:
LuvPrada
From:
System Administration
Subject:
Message Filed by Assassin
Report:
Toxin delivered as per instructions. Awaiting confirmation of infection.
Delivery of additional systems established and scheduled as per introductory instructions.
Game currently proceeding on schedule.
>>>>End Report<<<<
I stare at the computer, not quite able to process the words on the screen. Only two stand out:Toxin delivered.
The words seem to pulsate on the screen, mocking me. No way. Its not possible.
And yet there it is, in black and white.
Toxin delivered.
Dear God in heaven its real.
Chapter15
Icant stop shaking. My hands. My arms. My teeth.
My entire body seems to tremble from within, and its all I can do to crumple the note in my fist, then collapse onto the couch.
Dear God, this is real. Someone is after me. Again.
The thought is too much to bear, and I pull my knees up against my chest and press my forehead to my knees. My back is pressed hard against the plush sofa cushions, and I feel likeif I just try a little harderI can make myself so small that Ill completely disappear.
No one can find me then. Ill just be gone.
Gone.
At the moment, I want nothing more.
An eternity passes, and then I hear a whimper. Ive been lost, zoned out in some hidden place in my mind, and it takes me a while to realize the sound is coming from me. Im rocking, too, hugging myself and moving on the couch. I know I should stop. That I should get up and hold my chin high and say, Fuck you, to the world or to the bad guy or to whatever asshole thought that sending that note was a good idea.
I cant do that, though. I remember too clearly the press of metal against my neck. The sound of the buttons popping off my shirt as Janus had so casually flipped the tip of his blade against the flimsy threads. The sting on my breasts where his blade drew blood.
And the ultimate horror of his hands on my body.
I feel those hands now, and I thrash, screaming, even though some part of me knows that Janus isnt here. Its only Blake, trying to hold me. Trying to comfort me.
But there really is no comfort to be had.
Id finally gotten my head back on straight. Surely fate wouldnt be so cruel as to push me back down.
Not again. Please, God, not again.
My whole body seems to tense, each pore seething with longing. With a desperate need to escape into a sweet oblivion. I can imagine the feel of the pills in my hand, their negligible weight ironic when compared to the punch they pack. So easy.
No, no, NO!
Id flushed every last Valium, Vicodin, Xanax, and Percocet down the toilet months ago. I was clean, and I was staying clean.
Except
I cant do this. I cant survive this without the drugs and at the same time, once I take another pill, I know in my heart theres no turning back. I beat addiction once. I dont think I can do it again.
A hysterical bubble rises in my throat, and I squeeze my eyes tight. Im losing it, and I dont want to be losing it. Im strong. Isnt that what my therapist has been telling me for years? I survived Janus. I beat the drugs. I. Am. Strong.
And yet a few little words send me whimpering to my couch.
Clearly, my therapist is wrong. Which begs the question of why I pay her such an obscene hourly rate.
There it is again,
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