The Pot Thief Who Studied Escoffier by J. Michael Orenduff

future of Consuela Sanchez who, as Consuela Saenz, had arrived at the Schuze household shortly after the stork. Consuela was my nanny, older sister, and second mother. She left to marry Emilio Sanchez when I left for college. Kidney disease was threatening her life, but she never dwelled on it.
    “I’ve been thinking about Consuela. About how she never worries about her own health. She worries that Ninfa won’t give her a grandchild. She worries that she isn’t able to take care of Emilio. She has a family to care about.”
    “Wow. This doesn’t sound like you.”
    “I know. Happy-go-lucky bachelor and all that. But the big five-oh is approaching, and my biological clock is ticking.”
    “Men don’t have biological clocks, Hubert. Guys can father a child at almost any age. All you have to do is to meet the right woman and not be afraid to pop the question when you do.”
    She regarded me for a few seconds as if I were an object of study. “I know why you forgot to add Dolly to your Christmas list. You were subconsciously thinking about your date with Maria Salazar.”
    “It wasn’t a date,” I said. “It was just lunch.”
    She laughed a knowing laugh. “That’s what you think.”
    “That’s also what Maria thought,” I countered. “When they brought the check, she insisted we split it because it was just two colleagues having lunch together.”
    “You really are clueless. It may suit her purposes to let you think it wasn’t a date, but she came on to you, right?”
    “It seemed like it, but maybe that was just wishful thinking.”
    “Or the male ego at work.”
    I admitted the possibility. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I’m dating Dolly.”
    “But you’ve dated two women at the same time.”
    “Never.”
    “What about Dolly and Izuanita?”
    “I never dated Izuanita.”
    “Right. You just had lunch with her. If Ice kept having lunch with other girls, I’d consider that dating.”
    What about standing real close to them in a very friendly discussion? I thought to myself.
    “Has he been having lunch with other girls?” I asked.
    “I have no idea. It was just an example. We aren’t exclusive or anything.”
    “Then you’re not upset with me for suggesting he move from La Placita to Schnitzel?”
    “Not at all. In fact, you did us both a favor. Romances between restaurant staff are notoriously stormy. Now that he’s working somewhere else, we won’t have that problem.”
    “So I guess it would be safe to date Maria after Monday when I won’t be working at Schnitzel?” I joked.
    She gave me one of her mischievous smiles, only one side of her lips turned up and her eyes squinty. “Not while you’re in a ‘relationship’, Hubie.”
    I put my margarita down and leaned back in my chair. Or tried to. It’s not easy in the ladder backs at Dos Hermanas.
    “Like I said, I’ve been thinking about my current ‘relationship’.”
    “That could be good. Maybe it means Dolly is the right woman.”
    “Evidently a string of other guys thought so.”
    “Not nice, Hubert.”
    “Sorry. You’re right – the issue isn’t how many times she’s been married. That’s her business. The issue is whether she’s the right one.”
    She sighed. “You’re asking the wrong person. The list of guys I’ve thought were the right one includes a married guy, a gay guy, and a murderer.”
    “Well, at least you’ve been looking, so maybe you can help me with this. See, I never looked at dating that way. I don’t go out with someone with the aim of finding out if she’s the one. I go out with a woman because she’s fun and interesting. To put it bluntly, I’ve never shopped for a wife.”
    “Oink.”
    “I said it was blunt.”
    “Oinky, too. Did you grow up wanting to be a bachelor?”
    “No. I assumed I would be married like everyone else.”
    “And how did you think that would happen if you didn’t ‘shop for a wife’ on your dates?”
    “I just figured it would happen. What did I