relationships.Sometimes people feel good about themselves when they have lots of friends. Having a lot of relationships gives some people a sense of self-esteem, acceptance, or worth. The law of selectivity challenges the notion that the more friends we have, the better our lives will be. In fact, this law proves that in order to build effective, thriving, healthy relationships, we need to learn to choose our friends wisely and make sure they qualify to be our friends, acquaintances, employers, or romantic interests. We are smart not to allow casual relationships to develop unless we have strong reasons to believe those relationships can become healthy and valuable.
I have known so many individuals who were terribly hurt because they were connected to the wrong people. They have been lied to, betrayed, or damaged emotionally in some other way, resulting in deep pain. Almost always, once those relationships fall apart—as they inevitably do—these people suffer guilt and regret because they wasted some of the best years of their lives with someone who never really intended to do them good; that person just wanted to “hang out.”
I have also encountered people of tremendous promise and potential who stumbled in the pursuit of their purpose because they were in relationships with people who stood in their way instead of encouraging them to greatness. In every situation I am aware of, the people involved wish they had known how to be selective and make better choices in relationships. In some cases, people would prefer to have had no friend or associate at all instead of having someone who hurt them or held them back. Even though they wanted support in their journeys through life, they realize they could have moved forward alone, rather than allowing themselves to be restrained by bad relationships. These people now understand on the backside of heartache that less can definitely be more!
Mature men and women recognize that every relationship requires investment and maintenance, and they focus on the substanceof their relationships rather than the number of people they consider friends or associates. They know the truth I have mentioned before: every relationship matters because it can either promote you or it can demote you. Every person you know can have positive or negative impact on you, and knowing how to choose the right people with whom to surround yourself is vital. You are better off having a few great friends than lots of mediocre and detrimental ones.
H OW A RE Y OUR R ELATIONSHIPS A FFECTING Y OU ?
To begin to explain the law of selectivity, I have a few questions for you. As you answer them, think about every relationship you have: your family, your friends, a significant other, your coworkers, someone who mentors you or someone for whom you serve as a mentor, neighbors, and acquaintances. Your answers to these questions may or may not surprise you, but I believe they will definitely help you see why the law of selectivity is so important.
• What unpleasant things are you tolerating or putting up with in your life right now as a result of the relationships in which you are involved?
• Are you currently embracing anything you have never allowed in your life before now because of the influence of someone with whom you have a relationship? What is it?
• What once repulsed you that you no longer resist because you are in relationship with a certain person?
• Are your standards now lower than they once were because of the negative impact of someone with whom you are associated?
The reason these questions and their answers are so important is this: The snapshot of your future is taken with the people of your present. Your today dictates your tomorrow. The people who are in your life right now are setting the course of your next week, next month, next year, and possibly even the rest of your life. The relationships in which you’re currently involved will affect your thought patterns and the outcome
I have known so many individuals who were terribly hurt because they were connected to the wrong people. They have been lied to, betrayed, or damaged emotionally in some other way, resulting in deep pain. Almost always, once those relationships fall apart—as they inevitably do—these people suffer guilt and regret because they wasted some of the best years of their lives with someone who never really intended to do them good; that person just wanted to “hang out.”
I have also encountered people of tremendous promise and potential who stumbled in the pursuit of their purpose because they were in relationships with people who stood in their way instead of encouraging them to greatness. In every situation I am aware of, the people involved wish they had known how to be selective and make better choices in relationships. In some cases, people would prefer to have had no friend or associate at all instead of having someone who hurt them or held them back. Even though they wanted support in their journeys through life, they realize they could have moved forward alone, rather than allowing themselves to be restrained by bad relationships. These people now understand on the backside of heartache that less can definitely be more!
Mature men and women recognize that every relationship requires investment and maintenance, and they focus on the substanceof their relationships rather than the number of people they consider friends or associates. They know the truth I have mentioned before: every relationship matters because it can either promote you or it can demote you. Every person you know can have positive or negative impact on you, and knowing how to choose the right people with whom to surround yourself is vital. You are better off having a few great friends than lots of mediocre and detrimental ones.
H OW A RE Y OUR R ELATIONSHIPS A FFECTING Y OU ?
To begin to explain the law of selectivity, I have a few questions for you. As you answer them, think about every relationship you have: your family, your friends, a significant other, your coworkers, someone who mentors you or someone for whom you serve as a mentor, neighbors, and acquaintances. Your answers to these questions may or may not surprise you, but I believe they will definitely help you see why the law of selectivity is so important.
• What unpleasant things are you tolerating or putting up with in your life right now as a result of the relationships in which you are involved?
• Are you currently embracing anything you have never allowed in your life before now because of the influence of someone with whom you have a relationship? What is it?
• What once repulsed you that you no longer resist because you are in relationship with a certain person?
• Are your standards now lower than they once were because of the negative impact of someone with whom you are associated?
The reason these questions and their answers are so important is this: The snapshot of your future is taken with the people of your present. Your today dictates your tomorrow. The people who are in your life right now are setting the course of your next week, next month, next year, and possibly even the rest of your life. The relationships in which you’re currently involved will affect your thought patterns and the outcome
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