laugh. “And she said I should tell him …” The laugh, noisy this time, interrupts her again.“… Tell him to fuck with his tongue and talk with his dick!” She guffaws, wiping away tears. “It was terrible of me to think of that right then … but what could I do? As soon as he started stammering, my aunt’s words flashed into my mind. And I laughed! He panicked … I tried to control myself … but I couldn’t. It just got worse … but luckily,” she pauses, “or unluckily, my thoughts suddenly took a different turn …” She pauses again. “I thought of you … and suddenly stopped laughing. Otherwise it could have been a disaster … one mustn’t hurt young men … mustn’t take the piss out of their thing … They associate their virility with a long, hard dick, with how long they can hold back, but …” She bypasses that thought. Her cheeks are all red. She takes a deep breath. “Anyway, it’s over … but that was a narrow escape … again.”
She finishes her lunch.
After taking her pan back to the kitchen, she returns and stretches out on the mattress. Hides her eyes in the crook of her arm and lets a long, thoughtful moment of silence go by before confessing some more: “So yes, that boy made me think of you again. And once again I can confirm that he’s just as clumsy as you. Except that he’s a beginner, and a quick learner! Whereas younever changed. At least with him I can tell him what to do and how to do it. If I’d asked all that of you … my God! I’d have gotten a broken nose! And yet it’s not difficult … you just have to listen to your body. But you never listened to it. You guys listen to your souls, and nothing else.” She sits up and shouts fiercely at the green curtain: “And look where your soul has got you! You’re a living corpse!” She moves closer to the hiding place: “It’s your blasted soul that’s pinning you to the ground, my
sang-e saboor
!” She takes a deep breath: “And it’s not your stupid soul that’s protecting me now, that’s for sure. It’s not your soul that’s feeding the kids.” She pulls the curtain aside. “Do you know the state of your soul right now? Where it is? It’s right there, hanging above you.” She gestures at the drip bag. “Yes, it’s there, in that sugar-salt solution, and nowhere else.” She puffs out her chest: “
My soul feeds my honor; my honor protects my soul
. Bullshit! Look, your honor has been screwed by a sixteen-year-old kid! Your honor is screwing your soul!” She grabs his hand, lifts it up. “Now, it’s your body’s turn to judge you,” she says. “It is judging your soul. That’s why you’re not in physical pain. Because it’s your soul that’s suffering. That suspended soul, which sees everything, and hears everything, and cannot react at all, because it no longer controls your body.” She lets goof the hand and it falls back onto the mattress with a thud. A stifled laugh pushes her toward the wall. She doesn’t move. “Your honor is nothing more than a piece of meat now! You used to use that word yourself. When you wanted me to cover up, you’d shout,
Hide your meat!
I was a piece of meat, into which you could stuff your dirty dick. Just to rip it apart, to make it bleed!” She falls silent, out of breath.
Then suddenly she stands up. Leaves the room. She can be heard pacing up and down the passage, saying, “What’s the matter with me now? What am I saying? Why? Why? It’s not normal, not normal at all …” She comes back in. “This isn’t me. No, it isn’t me talking … it’s someone else, talking through me … with my tongue. Someone has entered my body … I am possessed. I really do have a demon inside me. It’s she who’s speaking. She who makes love with that boy … she who takes his trembling hand and puts it on my breasts, on my belly, between my thighs … all of that is her! Not me! I need to get rid of her! I should go and seek counsel from the hakim, or
She finishes her lunch.
After taking her pan back to the kitchen, she returns and stretches out on the mattress. Hides her eyes in the crook of her arm and lets a long, thoughtful moment of silence go by before confessing some more: “So yes, that boy made me think of you again. And once again I can confirm that he’s just as clumsy as you. Except that he’s a beginner, and a quick learner! Whereas younever changed. At least with him I can tell him what to do and how to do it. If I’d asked all that of you … my God! I’d have gotten a broken nose! And yet it’s not difficult … you just have to listen to your body. But you never listened to it. You guys listen to your souls, and nothing else.” She sits up and shouts fiercely at the green curtain: “And look where your soul has got you! You’re a living corpse!” She moves closer to the hiding place: “It’s your blasted soul that’s pinning you to the ground, my
sang-e saboor
!” She takes a deep breath: “And it’s not your stupid soul that’s protecting me now, that’s for sure. It’s not your soul that’s feeding the kids.” She pulls the curtain aside. “Do you know the state of your soul right now? Where it is? It’s right there, hanging above you.” She gestures at the drip bag. “Yes, it’s there, in that sugar-salt solution, and nowhere else.” She puffs out her chest: “
My soul feeds my honor; my honor protects my soul
. Bullshit! Look, your honor has been screwed by a sixteen-year-old kid! Your honor is screwing your soul!” She grabs his hand, lifts it up. “Now, it’s your body’s turn to judge you,” she says. “It is judging your soul. That’s why you’re not in physical pain. Because it’s your soul that’s suffering. That suspended soul, which sees everything, and hears everything, and cannot react at all, because it no longer controls your body.” She lets goof the hand and it falls back onto the mattress with a thud. A stifled laugh pushes her toward the wall. She doesn’t move. “Your honor is nothing more than a piece of meat now! You used to use that word yourself. When you wanted me to cover up, you’d shout,
Hide your meat!
I was a piece of meat, into which you could stuff your dirty dick. Just to rip it apart, to make it bleed!” She falls silent, out of breath.
Then suddenly she stands up. Leaves the room. She can be heard pacing up and down the passage, saying, “What’s the matter with me now? What am I saying? Why? Why? It’s not normal, not normal at all …” She comes back in. “This isn’t me. No, it isn’t me talking … it’s someone else, talking through me … with my tongue. Someone has entered my body … I am possessed. I really do have a demon inside me. It’s she who’s speaking. She who makes love with that boy … she who takes his trembling hand and puts it on my breasts, on my belly, between my thighs … all of that is her! Not me! I need to get rid of her! I should go and seek counsel from the hakim, or
Similar Books
