leave school when I was sixteen because my dad needed me in the shop, dicing the kidneys, cleaning out the sheep’s heads. When I think what I could’ve been if I’d had the advantages you’ve had—”
Benny pursed his lips. Once, when Uncle had made this speech, he’d pointed out that if Uncle had gone to college and got a degree, he’d probably have got a proper job and ended up in the Civil Service or something, instead of starting his own business and making his first million before he was thirty. For some reason it hadn’t gone down well, so he decided not to say it now. Instead, he sat perfectly still and letthe speech flow over him. The interval gave him time to think–he knew he’d be safe until I-promised-your-poor-mother–and it occurred to him to wonder, not for the first time, what it was that Uncle Gordon actually did. Business, yes, he’d sort of grasped that over the years. But when he’d asked the straight question, the reaction was always a barrage of covering fire, masking an orderly retreat to prepared positions. Now, however, it might well be kind of relevant, because fairly soon they’d be getting on to what-are-you-going-to-
do
-with your life, and—
“Well,” Benny interrupted, “I thought, maybe I could come and work for you.”
Benny was, above all, a peaceful sort of person. Violence alarmed him. He winced at the sound of fireworks, and
The A-Team
gave him nightmares. On this one occasion, however, only military imagery would do. Imagine a tank, barging its way through walls and squashing cars flat under its tracks. That’d be Uncle, in full swing. Now imagine that tank driving over a mine.
“Say what?”
“Come and work for you,” Benny repeated. “By the way, what exactly is it—?”
“You wouldn’t like it,” Uncle said quickly.
“Oh, I don’t know. I suppose it depends what it is.”
“Accountancy.”
“Oh,
maths
. I like maths.”
“Not the mathsy sort of accountancy,” Uncle Gordon said, and his voice had got slightly higher. “More like management consultancy. Very dry and boring. Lots of meetings. You’d have to wear a suit.”
Benny hesitated, just long enough to make Uncle think he’d won. “That wouldn’t be so bad.”
“And a tie.”
“Ties are all right.”
“Early starts most days. Lots of breakfast meetings.”
Benny did his eager-beaver smile. “I’m sure I could get used to that. And it sounds really interesting.”
“Does it?” Uncle’s eyes widened into perfectly round black holes, reminding Benny awkwardly of something he’d seen once, in a doughnut somewhere. “Dear God. You know, I had no idea you thought this way.”
“Joining the family business? You bet. I’m up for that. I mean, you and me working together—”
Little beads of sweat were forming on Uncle’s forehead. “You’d have to start at the bottom, of course.”
“Naturally.”
“But I promised your mother—” Uncle stopped dead, as if he’d suddenly been unplugged. He’s
scared
, Benny suddenly realised; then,
does not compute
, because Uncle Gordon wasn’t afraid of anything. Then Uncle took a deep breath, and it was as though that strange, aberrant moment had never happened. “Believe me,” he said, “you’d hate it, you really would. Besides, I haven’t spent a small fortune in tuition fees so you can flush it all down the toilet in a fit of wild integrity.”
Even so; he couldn’t forget that moment of raw terror. “You think I should take the exam.”
“
Yes
. And you can keep your fingers crossed under the desk while you’re writing, if it’ll make you feel any better.”
“It might,” Benny said, and then realised it was meant as a joke. “But I don’t know, Uncle Gordon. I’ve got this funny feeling that if I pretend like that, it’ll make things very bad. Very bad indeed.”
“Listen.” It was the serious face. “I only want what’s best for you, got that? And I know, if you pack in Uni now and wind up in
Benny pursed his lips. Once, when Uncle had made this speech, he’d pointed out that if Uncle had gone to college and got a degree, he’d probably have got a proper job and ended up in the Civil Service or something, instead of starting his own business and making his first million before he was thirty. For some reason it hadn’t gone down well, so he decided not to say it now. Instead, he sat perfectly still and letthe speech flow over him. The interval gave him time to think–he knew he’d be safe until I-promised-your-poor-mother–and it occurred to him to wonder, not for the first time, what it was that Uncle Gordon actually did. Business, yes, he’d sort of grasped that over the years. But when he’d asked the straight question, the reaction was always a barrage of covering fire, masking an orderly retreat to prepared positions. Now, however, it might well be kind of relevant, because fairly soon they’d be getting on to what-are-you-going-to-
do
-with your life, and—
“Well,” Benny interrupted, “I thought, maybe I could come and work for you.”
Benny was, above all, a peaceful sort of person. Violence alarmed him. He winced at the sound of fireworks, and
The A-Team
gave him nightmares. On this one occasion, however, only military imagery would do. Imagine a tank, barging its way through walls and squashing cars flat under its tracks. That’d be Uncle, in full swing. Now imagine that tank driving over a mine.
“Say what?”
“Come and work for you,” Benny repeated. “By the way, what exactly is it—?”
“You wouldn’t like it,” Uncle said quickly.
“Oh, I don’t know. I suppose it depends what it is.”
“Accountancy.”
“Oh,
maths
. I like maths.”
“Not the mathsy sort of accountancy,” Uncle Gordon said, and his voice had got slightly higher. “More like management consultancy. Very dry and boring. Lots of meetings. You’d have to wear a suit.”
Benny hesitated, just long enough to make Uncle think he’d won. “That wouldn’t be so bad.”
“And a tie.”
“Ties are all right.”
“Early starts most days. Lots of breakfast meetings.”
Benny did his eager-beaver smile. “I’m sure I could get used to that. And it sounds really interesting.”
“Does it?” Uncle’s eyes widened into perfectly round black holes, reminding Benny awkwardly of something he’d seen once, in a doughnut somewhere. “Dear God. You know, I had no idea you thought this way.”
“Joining the family business? You bet. I’m up for that. I mean, you and me working together—”
Little beads of sweat were forming on Uncle’s forehead. “You’d have to start at the bottom, of course.”
“Naturally.”
“But I promised your mother—” Uncle stopped dead, as if he’d suddenly been unplugged. He’s
scared
, Benny suddenly realised; then,
does not compute
, because Uncle Gordon wasn’t afraid of anything. Then Uncle took a deep breath, and it was as though that strange, aberrant moment had never happened. “Believe me,” he said, “you’d hate it, you really would. Besides, I haven’t spent a small fortune in tuition fees so you can flush it all down the toilet in a fit of wild integrity.”
Even so; he couldn’t forget that moment of raw terror. “You think I should take the exam.”
“
Yes
. And you can keep your fingers crossed under the desk while you’re writing, if it’ll make you feel any better.”
“It might,” Benny said, and then realised it was meant as a joke. “But I don’t know, Uncle Gordon. I’ve got this funny feeling that if I pretend like that, it’ll make things very bad. Very bad indeed.”
“Listen.” It was the serious face. “I only want what’s best for you, got that? And I know, if you pack in Uni now and wind up in
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